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u/catsandogs11, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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You sound like a really good mom. I would keep up the communication and really let him know the downside and addiction to porn. How it can destroy the lives of people who work in it. Bad side effects of the lifestyle. Women can also have pubic hair and men don't usually have dicks like that. It's morbid, disturbing and fascinating to a kid. But they need the very hot truth to the reality too
Can't even take the blame for his actions.
That's not how trauma works. You don't just grow up and get over trauma. OP is already in therapy and I credit all the work he has done in healing on how well he handled this situation. The only thing at stake is the relationship, and OP clearly expressed that he wanted to tell his gf. If OP truly couldn't do that without his friend taking the decision away and telling her for him, then OP would probably not be ready for the relationship to continue. His friend was playing with fire- this sounds like one of the first times OP has ever shared this information outside of therapy, and pushing someone to work through trauma before they are ready can can cause serious set backs. It's only because OP has spent years dealing with his trauma that he was able to get through this without having a panic attack in the middle of a restaurant.
From someone who has family that survived by getting smuggled out. Your great grandmother is a damn hero.
Get therapy. Based on what you said it strongly suggests that you have sociopathy. It's not as bad as psychopathy but it's not good.
I've been in a similar situation, and I can 100% guarantee that it will never get any better.
You need to start preparing to leave; open a bank account of your own and start saving. Discuss the situation with your family – I'm sure they will help and won't want you to be in this situation.
this sounds awfully like that’s his partner/ ex partner. If this were a ons he has no business hanging out with her every night. Sometimes yes, but it’s her friends and family who should be giving her moral support.
But I am gonna be honest with you – you’ve known him since December. I have had ketchup in my fridge longer that that (yes I know, I’ll check the dates). You don’t want to be in this mess at 21, and certified not in your first relationship. Sounds like she’s very likely to keep it, I would just bounce out of there asap.
Incompatibility can arise from other places as well. It doesn’t have to be cheating or things getting unpleasant. Also you shouldn’t have to wait until things get bad to leave
I cant keep waiting for her to be ready. I feel not loved
This is the truth right here, it hurts but you aren't on the same page, and your stories will go separate ways. You'll find someone who is closer to what you want, and so will she
Thanks for your input.
You have to decide if her infidelity is acceptable to you. It wouldn't be for me, but you have to decide for yourself what is over the line.
doesn’t sound like she’s the one who doesn’t know how to communicate, she’s the one who initiates it and he’s the one to make sure to come out of it as the good guy at her cost