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You really want to have a kid with schizophrenia? It's genetic, you know.
And even if he is genuinely remorseful, you have no way to know if it'll happen again or not. It's way too big a risk.
Depends on how you practice the polygamy. If you incorporate marriage into your polyamory then it does fall into poly but not all polygamous set ups are polyamorous.
If money and career are a deal breaker for you then you guys are incompatible and that is okay! But also consider the labor cost of all the things you say that she does cooking and cleaning are valuable services, and if she will carry the workload of your future children maybe those things balance out the lack of direct income.
Urgh! I have three acquaintances that love to argue. They call it debating but I call it pointless hair-splitting. It’s so fucking tedious.
Tell him in no uncertain terms that there’s to be no repetition. Get that nonsense stopped!
I think you're right, but your partner either doesn't trust you as much as you think or he doesn't trust your ex, have you ever given him any reason to have suspicions?
You're still with that guy???? After the shit on his birthday??? What the f???? Did he even grovel and apologize for being narcissistic and cruel???
Please don't post a third time about how this dude is an ass but you want to stay with him because xyz. It's enough.
The longer you stay, the longer it is before you find an actual nice guy who isn't a ticking misogyny time bomb. He's pushed your boundaries a few times now without repercussions. It's just going to get worse.
If op is in the US he can fire anybody for any reason at all, unless there's undeniable proof that it's because of a protected discrimination class.
The closest is gender and it would be extremely very hot for Marcy to proof she was fired for gender alone, unless she was newly pregnant or something.
Fucked up but not illegal, be careful with the misinformation
Yeah red flag. But she does this because she finds him more exciting and forbidden than u. U need to be more unpredictable generally, and leave her or ignore her for a week if she does this again
Your EX (which you should have indicated in the header) is allowed to ask his friends for their thoughts if he wants. The relationship is over and he is allowed to talk about his life.
Call her parents and tell them what is going on and ask them to take the cat back. If it was their per they might want it back and not realize how much she is neglecting it.
It’s an interesting point of contention. Ignore the travelling part of the equation. Why is it so difficult to understand and accept that a person might need a DAY to just be still/exist and not have to deal with the pressure of another’s happiness.
Doesn’t even have to be no contact just a good morning and a love you goodnight. Maybe quick chat before bed.
It sounds like you both have fallen into some patterns that aren’t working. I get the impression that neither one of you feel heard or understood. There is a lot of information in books, audio books, podcasts, and the internet on how to improve communication. One “trick” I’ve heard is to repeat back what you understand your partner to be saying which allows them to clarify and to feel heard. Couples counseling would probably help you both a lot if you have the ability to meet with one. “Non violent communication” is a book that was recommended to me and I found helpful.
You might also try talking with him when you aren’t in an argument about how you two argue. Try explaining to him that you aren’t crying to be manipulative. It sounds like it is an expression of your hurt, frustration or anger.
His “You overreact too much…” statement isn’t fair. Who gets to decide how much is too much and what is a normal amount of reacting and what is overreacting? (The “you’re too sensitive” statements that some people say used to drive me crazy). It sounds like you’re shutting down as a way to avoid reacting negatively toward him because he’s judging your feelings rather than listening to them.
Finally, thinking about the issue as a problem that you need to solve together rather than it turning into a you vs him situation might help you both to both avoid the issues becoming contentious.
I’m not a therapist, but I’m old enough to be your mom and have done some work in my many years on this earth on improving my own communication. I hope something I have said might help you!
Adorable update. Happy for you both.
I guess you have to tell her you want her to do the cardio and cut out some fat with you then. And explain that you're asking for that because you've lost some attraction to her and you're worried about how that will effect your marriage. We can't really tell you the magic words to say that will stop her feeling hurt by this. She will be hurt by it but hopefully for you she will be willing to make an effort.
No, but the lie occurred during it's building and residency in the home.
And in this case it's not the action itself that is wrong. It's the lie of omission.
Let her go. She took her lifetime troll with her. She doesn’t realize she’s on single path as long as she listens to troll forever. Her loss.
I feel for you. I was attacked my a dog as a child, and I still have issues around dogs. Not all dogs, just jumpy or noisy ones.
There are a ton of shitty owners out there that will make excuses, or hold their dog up on a pedestal and blame everyone else for any issues. I'm not sure if that's the case here, where they're going to have a poorly trained dog down the road but be willfully blind to it, but dont expect them to change on your behalf.
Set firm boundaries, communicate them clearly, and be prepared to do what's right for you if they're not willing to give any ground. It only has to be as big of a deal as they want to make it. If they can't respect your wishes, you have to decide on how far to push back.
And consider addressing your therapy needs.
This is tricky but I think that you are not looking at the whole situation.
If you do not own a home free and clear, you pay rent to live there. You do not own a home free and clear.
The larger part of me does agree that your serious boyfriend should be happy to have you there and should just split the current expenses with you. But your rationale seems really off here.
It is his house. It is not your house. I'm not sure where you get your power balance ideas from but if you on-line there without paying the going rate of rent then you absolutely need to let him make all of the decisions because you are just a guest there. It is his house so yes, he does get his way.
Have you considered buying him out for half of the value of the property and sharing it? Then you would be equal partners.
I’m no longer a financial advisor but consider this professional advice if you wish. If you pay towards a mortgage you make damn sure your name is on it giving you a lean/claim. Full stop.
If he then wants to try a “then consider it rent” schtick you have him draw up a rental agreement and have it a notary sign it so you have legal rights
Unless you’re married, if you enter into a handshake agreement with something like this there’s a very serious risk to you and none to him and that’s a recipe for disaster to a relationship, which often causes a self fulfilling prophesy and ends up breaking you up and now you’re absolutely screwed
It’s different if you’re in a common law country like Canada but in general it remains true
No because too many people will hate me if I do, and that fear paralyzes me. Also other than hygiene he’s amazing and he’s my best friend. It does suck because I want a husband, but it is so nice to have a person that supports and encourages me. We truly are best friends and I’ve settled in that and hopefully can find a happiness in it after I mourn the marriage I thought I’d have. But I’m sick of fighting about the same things so I’ve given up and have settled to be committed to my best friend. I just hope other people don’t make the same mistakes.
That is absolutely not true. I don’t like holding hands in general, but I will let my guy friends hold my hands here and there and it means nothing.
Whoah bro, this is Reddit and I’m surprised you’re about to find out what the definition of “gaslighting” is.
Leave, run if you need to. She’s probing and looking for options, you’re just a number in a line of men in her head.
She lied to your face. She knew he was flirting and she went along with it, then tried to play dumb about the situation when you confronted her. She fully manipulated you into questioning your entire view of the situation – that’s the definition of gaslighting. She made you question yourself and your judgment to avoid being held accountable for her actions.
He was in therapy, he stopped because it was expensive. I’m of the argument that we can find a cheaper option then what he was doing but I can’t force him since he’s his own person.
We’re moving back to our home state in May, as I transferred schools due to a change in majors and stuff so the hope is he can go to his normal doctor and start medication. At least that’s my hope. He grew up in a household that disregarded mental health and medication for mental health completely, so convincing him to get on meds is difficult at best. Hopefully he’ll be able to see his old therapist as well.
I’ll try to talk to him about it for sure. Thank you for confirming what I was thinking.
It’s only been a few weeks? It’s hot to fall in love with someone in just a few weeks.
It sounds like maybe you have a crush. Crushes happen and are normal. While in a serious relationship, I had a workplace crush on a manager of another department in our office. I got butterflies and thought about him regularly. I then got a promotion working directly under this manager. As I got to know him better, my crush started to fade. I realized that I had made him out to be someone much different in my head than in reality. I thought he was so cool and smart, but I discovered he was actually really dull and not as smart as I had made him out to be. This has happened to me a few times before over the course of my 8-year relationship, and I wouldn’t be surprised if my husband experienced the same thing, too.
Just take a deep breath and examine your feelings. How well do you really know your coworker? Most people act differently at work than outside of it, so you’re likely only seeing one side of her. It’s easy to romanticize someone when you’re not getting the full picture of what she’s really like.
Ask yourself truly—why is this crush so intense? And then work your way down the list and question further all the reasons. For example, why is she “just incredible”? How has she shown you what kind of person she is? Do you think she’s that person just at work or all the time?
Remember, falling in love happens over time and as you get to know ALL aspects of a person, flaws and all. Say it like it is: you have an crush on your coworker and you likely are romanticizing her.
Oh heck no. He took inordinate offense to something minor, called you STUPID in front of your kids, and generally acted like a hormonal tween. You apologized for inadvertently hurting his feelings, that is plenty. Be a good example to your children and stand up for yourself!
OP You brought her into your family’s home. They were bound to get attached. It’s not fair of you to try and break the bond you started.
Can’t you think of her as a sister and stop seeing your GF and your ex as competitors vying for your parents time and affection? We have many ex-es in our family, everybody is welcome around the table and it works fine
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Thank you so much
Throw everything into your thesis. Feel sad, start editing your thesis. Thinking of him start revising a paragraph. Already done the editing/work on your thesis for the day go for a run, do some yoga, just anything other than sitting and wallowing in sadness and thinking what could have been.
Exercise is good and will boost your mood, doing something productive will allow you to refocus.
Just focus on yourself and the thesis. Nothing else matters for the next month. You get to be selfish and laser focused on a final goal. You want to cry, you can do that in the shower at the end of the day, otherwise you keep working on the thesis and yourself.
Or does she? This is manipulation. She is doing what she wants to do. She is not taking your life into account. Is this anxiety? Or selfishness. Does she not like therapists because they would call her out? If she is creating a toxic relationship, she needs to end it and get help to figure out how to be a partner.
Do you hear yourself? You had a convo with a coworker? Unless you offered to give him a BJ at work there’s nothing wrong with that. Smh
You're single and maybe they don't want strangers at their expensive wedding. Not sure where you on-line but the cost of living has recently gone up a lot where I online
Just end the relationship
it’s crazy how fucking dumb cheaters are like atleast be smart abt it
I very much value your advice of leaving her if I am at the point of resorting to threats. She is a very good person mostly. I am still hopeful for this issue being solved, so I wouldn't think about leaving her. I want to help her to my best, and that is why I am asking for advice here.
It's not super evil not to want to miss his sister's birthday.
Thank you, appreciate the community
there is nothing such as overreacting imo if it hurts your feelings it does so , your gf did insult you which she shouldn't have she can sing yes but can she even a lil bit of guitar ? no but can you ? yes so she cannot compare both of your skill sets since you're both skilled in different things , you're right to feel insulted and upset