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Tom and Kendra, 45 y.o.
Location: Indiana, United States
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Probably would answer if he is jealous. Not truly a best friend etc. You can ask but he prepared to get a lie
Move on. She doesn’t like you like that, obviously.
The book or the chronicles of her life before me are not the issue. It’s the deceit that was blatantly carried through the years that’s the problem for me. After confronting her, she tried to explain “it was the first time she felt it in here” (punching her heart with her fist). While that may be true and heartwarming, sorry that doesn’t make you a virgin until then.
You’re right though. The issue is her carrying on the lie for so long. I’m a hopeless romantic so this was something I cherished as our storybook marriage. While my fairytale story is now less shiny, it won’t end in divorce (at least I hope not!).
Part of it that makes it all harder is that I feel like a total fool for sharing our story with close friends, some of which may have known the real truth and stared at me with sad grins. At the same time, I’m sure, every time it came up, it was harder and harder for her to back out. But what you said that helps add perspective is that we WERE kids. Kids are stupid, especially about sex, but she’s had plenty of grown up years and opportunities to come clean and this is the hump I’m trying to get over. Thanks for this.
Check out @datingbylion on Instagram. He says it better than me, and can give insight into how both good and bad men date, and how women can hold better boundaries to protect themselves from being used.
This man definitely does not wash his ass and believes that water is enough ?
I dont think I'd want to spend time with someone either who calls me a thing I'm not when I'm just expressing my honest feelings.
Start looking into narcissism, I’d recommend dr Ramani on YouTube. Once you start watching the videos it will (hopefully) change your perception of your ex and your experience with her. It certainly did for me.
I look back on my relationship (with a narcissist) with a slight bitterness towards my own emotional naivety.
Possibly also look into a therapist who specialises somewhat in narcissistic relationships that you can actually talk to about this.
Personally, I think he sounds a bit too enmeshed with his sister. But it is not abnormal for siblings to be close. It's just that when you are 26 you start to shift away from emotional dependence on family. Like, what guy chooses a vacation with his sister over his girlfriend?! He is relying on his sister for companionship and emotional support and not letting anyone else in. Saying he will never love anyone else as much as family is defeatist and closed minded. It sounds like this guy has pretty low emotional maturity. He isn't showing much emotional growth by considering other forms of love, valuing his partner's emotions too, communicating his feelings to you, etc.
If he doesn't actually like you that much, he should be mature enough to tell you the truth and break up. If he does love you a lot, he should be mature enough to tell you that too. You need to talk to him about what you are feeling and explain that this is threatening the relationship. You might have actually dodged a bullet in this guy because you don't want to be married to someone who involves his family in every little decision and won't do anything without their approval. You are going to feel like you are dating his sister too.
I’m not going to comment on him because all of that has been covered by other posters. But you need to learn to communicate better. You didn’t like that he mentioned another woman in the first song but instead of telling him that you thought your teasing would tell him for you and were then upset he didn’t get the message. That’s how children communicate. Use your words and tell him how you feel! And if you fail to communicate, don’t get mad at him for not understanding you.
Don't base your marriage on what your parents did or didn't do. It sounds like she just needs space. Classifying it as “separation lite” seems like an exaggeration. Also, you might want to reevaluate what you call a “mild argument”. Your wife is slamming doors and not speaking to you. Maybe part of the problem is you're making light of an issue that is really bothering her or you're not really listening to her.
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