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She's lost respect for you and bowing to her ultimatims will not fix that.
You're in a lose lose situation with her.
Go to the gym, exercise, listen to interesting podcasts, become interesting yourself. Focus on getting involved in your community and becoming a good person. Learn to respect yourself and becoming as genuine and virtuous of a person you can be. Though its not the main reason you should do this, girls will find that very attractive.
If you think something is there, try actually dating her. Who cares how you got there. Just remember to keep going on dates through the years.
Time to dump him.
He does feel like this but it feels very manipulative that I have to play by his rules so he can get what he wants. It doesn’t make sense to cut off communication which is key to a relationship to try to make me do something. If anything it feels less motivating because it feels like this matters more than our relationship.
If I was you I would just disappear from his life. with no explanation. no conversation.