Update: It escalated quickly – My (F32) husbands (M32) new female friend sent a text that gave me the ick, and I’m questioning her intentions. Am I being silly?
5KIt escalated quickly.
First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/TG0FHD8q6t
So, my last post got a lot more responses than I thought it would get. I wasnt going to post an update, but feel like I owe it to all the people telling me to trust my gut.
For those asking why my husband hadnt been more abrupt with her, in a nutshell, he always tries to keep the peace. I downplayed how well known he is in our town. He comes from a well known family in our area, and was a downhill rider in the UCI, and features in various youtube channels. People come here specifically for the bike trails, and typically where ever he goes, theres usually a handful of people who recognise him and want to say hello. Its not a huge town, everyone knows everyone kinda place, and, like anyone, he would never want people to come away from any interaction with him with a sour taste in their mouth.
After our daughter was in bed I spoke with my husband, told him my thoughts, and he agreed she was being inappropriate, and that he in no way done or said anything that would indicate he was alright with it. He hoped by ignoring it she would get the hint and leave him be. He didnt want to make things awkward or embarrass anyone and admitted he probably should have said something.
So after reading everyones comments, there were loads of amazing ways people suggested shutting her down, which in hindsight, would have been an amazing way to stop her in her tracks. However he didnt want to ruffle feathers so we went with the – we’re starting to get ready for the baby and have lots to do/ prepare and simply dont have the time or energy to be spent on the bikes, or meetups and he will be unavailable to her for the forseeable, suggestions.
He typed it up, handed it to me for my approval, and I hit send. MINUTES later his phone pings, I’m in the kitchen, hes in the living room, and I see his eyebrows raise and he just looks at me. I go over and he just hands me the phone.
The fucking neck on this girl astounds me.
She replied:
OK. Do you think we could meet up quickly tomorrow?
My heart sank. And I knew exactly what that meant.
I burst into tears. In my head this was the start of my world crumbling.
My husband tried calming me down and asked me what I’d like him to do, block her there and then, or ask what she wants to see him for.
I wish I just told him to block her, but for some reason I wanted to know more.
He replied asking what meeting up would achieve.
She just says theres stuff she would like to talk to him about face to face.
I felt like I was literally being punched in the chest and being winded at this point.
He eventually gets the point across that he is not going to meet with her and drags it out of her.
She tells him that at somepoint feelings started, that turned into fantasies, and that basically he could do whatever he wanted to her. That I didnt need to know about it and she would be happy to keep it that way. As she put it “our thing”
It was more graphic than I’m willing to type.
I felt like I was still keeping a level head on it until this point I lashed out Got very, very angry. Started crying uncontrollably. My body was vibrating with anger. Ive barely slept. Woke up crying. Felt like absolute shit all day today.
Ive already got intouch with our friends who run these facebook groups she joined and asked them to remove her and make sure she doesnt join again.
My husband replied last night and told me its sorted and I dont have to worry about her. I didnt see the text he sent but its there on the ipad, but I cant bring myself to even open the imessage app after seeing what I saw.
Its not fair that someone thinks they can just do something like that regardless of how its going to impact an entire family.
Currently, I dont want him leaving the house. I dont want him to ever go back to the trails. I dont want the dogs even going up there. The fact she has even touched my dogs makes me sick.
So there we are. I still feel like my lifes slipping away from me. Like someones trying to steal it. My confidence is shattered. My eyes sting. My head hurts from crying. Dont feel like eating. Dont think I’ve ever felt as low as I do just now.
Husbands trying his best to comfort me, but it will take awhile I guess. He feels very guilty, despite me telling him he’s done nothing wrong.
I cant believe how quickly my life just changed with a stupid text.
So, Thank you to everyone telling me to believe my gut. And everyone else who took the time to comment.
Edit: I just want to add, I’m not controlling my husband. Im not holding him hostage. He had to take them out today. The bike park is almost in our back garden. Im describing how I FEEL just now.
Like its a personal attack on me and my family. And I know this happens all over the world. My eyes were never open to it. This mans baby is about to burst out of my body. I dont feel attractive in any sense of the word right now. I feel I’m well within my rights to be a little distraught after seeing a text from a much younger, much fitter girl describing in graphic detail the things she wants my husband to do to her.
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