UPDATE – My (26F) husband’s (30M) best friend (29M) just kissed me and I’m unsure of what to do.
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Hi, everyone. It’s been a doozy over the last few days, and my post wasn’t really all that popular, but I figured I’d update for those that may be curious. Before I go into big details, I just wanted to say thank you for your advice.
My husband came home a few days ago and I surprised him with his favourite meal. I had a day off and was a ball of nervous energy so I had cleaned the house, did laundry, and cooked. Basically, I wanted the environment to be as stress free as possible for my husband because I knew it was going to be very hot on him. So, we sat down to eat and he had been able to tell lately that something’s been bothering me and he asked me what was going on.
So, I told my husband as gently as I could and he was understandably upset. Thankfully, Adam didn’t get to him before I did and he believed me. I know a lot of people were worried about Adam telling my husband lies about what had actually happened before I was able to, but this didn’t happen, thankfully.He was really mad at Adam for kissing me, but especially mad at him threatening me with deportation. We talked it through and after a few hours, came to the conclusion that, in order to protect my residency, we would file a police report for assault against Adam (thank you to those who suggested this.)
As we talked, Adam sent me a text message that said this:
“Hey. I just wanted to check in on you to make sure you remembered what I said to you in my car yesterday. I really don’t want you to go back to HOME COUNTRY. I’ve also been thinking of you. Call me when you get this. We have things we need to talk about.”
Yeah. Creepy stuff, plus low-key threats. It had my husband seeing red and me feeling scared, so we went to the police station the same night I told him. They seemed freaked out by Adam’s most recent text and agreed it seemed like a veiled threat, so I filed a police report and they are investigating.
As other Redditors pointed out, I wasn’t the only victim in this situation. The next day, I texted Adam’s wife when I knew Adam was working to see if she wanted to meet up and she said sure. So, we met up and I told her what happened. I showed her the text and sadly, she didn’t take it too well. It’s understandable, but this is what I worried about. She seemed to think that I flirted with him, called me a home wrecker. I know this was probably out of lashing out, but it still made me feel bad, both for her and me for Adam putting us in this situation. It’s sad I lost a friend.
Shortly after I met with his wife, Adam starting blowing up my phone, but I didn’t answer. I assume his wife confronted him or the police called him, I’m not sure what set him off. He then sent me a bunch of texts that just got crazier and crazier to the point to where I didn’t feel safe. So, I called my husband who was at work, and he told me that Adam was also blowing his phone up, too. We ended up calling the police because Adam was threatening to come to our apartment and “do what he should’ve done when I was in his car.”
Satisfying ending, sort of. He was detained by police for making what they deemed a credible threat against me. It’s still an ongoing situation, and I’m a bit upset by how this whole thing essentially blew up, but at least my family and I are okay. The most important thing I’m focusing on is recognizing that what happened isn’t my fault and that I am a victim here. Also, therapy going forward.
Overall, this experience has shown me how quickly people can change once they don’t get their way. If you had told me a week ago that Adam was a Nice GuyTM, I would’ve laughed at you. As we went through Adam and I’s (very few) interactions, my husband agreed that there wasn’t any mixed signals. Adam had completely made it up in his head or, as some of you pointed out, was trying to take advantage of a woman in a vulnerable position. I am fortunate that I got the support and protection I needed. It’s certainly a great way to start off a new life in a new country, that’s for sure.
Anyways, I wanted to say thanks for all the comments and support my last post got. My husband read the post and was thankful that I wasn’t dealing with this situation by myself. Thanks, Internet! Also, shout out to my husband for literally handling this in the most amazing way. Lucky to have him, so give him some internet love.
TL;DR – Husband’s best friend turned out to be a crazed Nice Guy who was arrested for threatening me.
EDIT: Readability
EDIT 2: I'm seeing some people saying negative things about Adam's wife. I feel it's important to remind redditors that she is just as much of a victim here as I am. Adam and her have been together for a lengthy period of time and it makes sense that in her hurt, she would lash out on the person closest. Adam's wife was very kind to me and the first friend I made in the country. She would check in on me daily and invite me to meet her friends, cook food for me, helped me find work, etc. She has never once been malicious towards me and I see no reason to believe she will start now, and I hold no ill will to her, either. In fact, I hope she is able to find peace because she did not deserve what Adam did to her and their family. The only person in the situation that deserves your negativity is behind bars currently. Please be respectful to her, as she holds a place close to my heart.
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