UPDATE: My (M33) GF (F29) has a serious case of the looky-loos and I’m fed up. What do I do?
3KHi again,
I posted here a few days ago about how my girlfriend has a serious case of the wandering eye and how I tried to make her see how it feels by doing the same thing to her. You can read the original post here:
My (M33) GF (F29) has a serious case of the looky-loos and I’m fed up. What do I do?
byu/ThrowRASubstantial1 inrelationship_advice
I want to thank everyone who commented and gave me advice. Most of you told me that what I did was wrong and immature, that I should have communicated with her instead of playing games. Some of you also said that maybe she has some insecurity issues or low self-esteem that make her seek validation from other guys. A few of you suggested that maybe she is cheating on me or planning to.
Well, I decided to follow your advice and talk to her calmly and honestly. I told her how much I love her and how much it hurts me when she looks at other guys. I told her that I feel disrespected and insecure when she does that. I told her that I want her to stop doing that and focus on our relationship. I also apologized for what I did and said that it was childish and stupid. I said that I was just trying to make her understand how I feel, but that it was the wrong way to do it.
She didn’t listen to me at all. She denied everything and said that she doesn’t have a problem with looking at other guys. She said that it’s no biggie, that she doesn’t mean anything by it. She said that I’m the only one she loves and that I have nothing to worry about. She said that I’m being paranoid and insecure, and that I need to get over it. [She said that she’s tired of me bringing this up all the time and that I need to stop]
I told her that this is a serious issue for me and that we need to work on it together. I suggested that we go to couples counseling to get some professional help. She refused and said that she doesn’t need counseling, that she’s already seeing a therapist for work-related stress and anxiety. I told her that’s unrelated and that this is about our relationship, not her work. I told her that I’m willing to pay for the counseling since I’m the one who asked for it. She still refused and said that counseling is a waste of time and money, and She said that I should seek therapy to work on my paranoia and insecurity, not her. I gave her more than a week to rethink about the counseling, but she didn’t change her mind.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I realized.
I realized that she didn't care about me or our relationship. She didn't respect me. She didn't love me the way I loved her anymore. She was selfish and dishonest. She was not the person I thought she was anymore. I decided to end things with her. I told her that I can't be with someone who doesn't value me or our relationship. I told her that I can't trust her or feel secure with her and that she needs to work on herself. I told her that it's over and that she needs to move out of my apartment. She burst into tears and begged me to stay. She said that she was sorry and that she loved me. She said that she didn't want to lose me and that she would do anything to make it work. She said that she would stop looking at other guys and that she would go to counseling with me. She said that she made a mistake and that she wanted another chance. I didn't believe her. I think she was just saying those things to manipulate me and to avoid the consequences of her actions. I think she was scared of losing the comfort and stability of our relationship. I think she didn't love me, but only what I provided for her. I stood firm and told her that it was too late, that she had many chances to change and she didn't. I told her that I was done and that there was no going back. I told her that she had a week to pack her stuff and leave, and that I didn't want to see her or talk to her ever again. She cried harder and tried to hug me, but I pushed her away. I walked out of the apartment and left her there. That was two days ago. Since then, I've been staying with my brother who has been very supportive and understanding. He helped me block her number and social media accounts, so she can't contact me anymore. I'm feeling a mix of emotions right now. I'm sad, angry, hurt, betrayed, confused, relieved, hopeful, scared… It's a roller coaster of feelings. But I know I made the right decision. I know I deserve better than her. I know I will heal and move on eventually. I want to thank you all again for your support and advice. You helped me see the truth and stand up for myself. TL;DR: Girlfriend refused to stop looking at other guys, refused counseling, broke up with her, feeling sad but hopeful.
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