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I (44F) am a fan of “his/hers/ours” accounts where “ours” is for paying shared expenses like rent/mortgage, utilities, food, etc and each person puts in based on % of total income.
So you tally up all those shared costs and each transfers in their % and whatever is left over goes to your personal accts.
This ensures that the bills are paid and each person can then spend their money as they wish. Reduces arguments about money a lot.
I make a lot more than my partner and don’t mind paying more for our home and such. But I also have an expensive hobby (as does he) and I don’t want to have to explain every dime and cent I spend.
We are in our 40’s though and both fiscally responsible. It sounds like your wife kind of spends whatever is available without much thought towards retirement or savings.
Maybe setting up an appt with a financial advisor would be helpful? Then recommendations are coming from a professional vs you—even though it sounds like you’re quite capable.
Your yelling was not cool. Her staying away for a few days is also not cool. Quite an overreaction. You guys may want to see a couples counselor too.
Op I get you feeling aggravated. But you’re gonna have to start thinking like a single parent now. It’s very clear in your post that he does not want this child in these circumstances. It takes two to tango, but you need to start navigating as if you’re going to be a single mom. Start getting things set for yourself to protect yourself. This relationship is bad and you shouldn’t raise a child in this circumstance. Do you want your kid to see these actions as loving. I wish you luck but it sounds like you need to stop trying to make it work with this guy and start planning to put your child first.
Are there a lot of people on this chat I'm guessing? It could be a mistake. We have a large family chat, with 10+ people, added some new phone numbers, and it took like 5 attempts over 5-7 days to get everyone on correctly and to stop texting in the old chats. Someone would accidentally respond to the wrong one, so it took a while.
Ask your husband to add you, know it may take a fewdays, and if it still doesn't work, then it may be an issue.
But then what do I do? I need someone who can at least support me while I do all the heavy lifting. We've been together a year now, do I just accept that that's not him?
If getting it done will make you feel more confident then there’s no shame in it, but dumping him should also really help your confidence so definitely take that step first before making the decision.