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I am so sorry you are going through this. I am going to preface this post by saying that I am trying to be as kind as possible, but some of it may come across as harsh. Pelase know that it comes from a place of compassion. I too dealt with some similar jealousy issues when I was young and was in a few toxic relationships that brought out the worst in me. I wish someone had said this type of thing to me when I was younger. Here we go:
If I were you, I would cut my losses and move on. He has shown you where his priorities are, and it's not with you. There's no way you can “fix” him or make him stop wanting to communicate with this person. (The age gap issue aside, this sounds like a toxic relationship all around and one that you are truly better off without even if it doesn't feel that way right now).
Some advice for future relationships: Never ask your partner to cut contact with anyone, period. I see why the temptation is there, however it really isn't your place and it is something that abusers frequently do to try to control their partners. I'm not accusing you of being an abuser, but sometimes we might inadvertently do abusive things without realizing it when we feel insecure, threatened, or jealous. This is something to try to be aware of in yourself.
You can talk about your feelings and say a particular person was disrespectful and hurtful and that you don't want to have a relationship with them. However, it is not fair to ask or insist that your partner not have a friendship with someone outside of work. They are an autonomous person, and they get to decide who they are friends with whether you like them or not. One exception to this is if your partner comes to you and is complaining about an uncomfortable person. You can suggest that they cut contact as a possible solution (as this often helps when you're on the receiving end of a toxic person), but only if your partner feels confortable doing so and has come to you for advice.
After sharing your feelings, your partner might decide to cut contact with the other person on their own, or they might not. If you have made it clear that you were disrespected by the person, but your partner continues a relationship with them and that's a dealbreaker for you, then break up with your partner. They've shown you their true colors with their actions. Usually, when you try to control your partner and limit who they communicate with, it will make them more likely to resent you, cheat, and/or hide things from you. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy. Instead of trying to control your partner, try to find a partner that you don't feel the need to control. If someone displays behaviours that aren't up to your standards, leave, but don't try to change or control them. It never works and just deterioriates the relationship.
Also, please don't take this the wrong way, because I can totally understand why you would be tempted to look through his phone especially if you are dealing with feelings of insecurity. But, this is a massive, massive violation of trust. Again, it is something that abusers do. They try to keep “tabs” on their partners, track who they talk to, and set rules for them. I would recommend breaking up with this guy and taking some time to work on yourself and your insecurities. You will feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Trust comes from within you, and from time spent with your partner where they demonstrate with their actions that they are trustworthy, not from monitoring or controlling what your partner does. Please try to catch the insecurity and trust issues in the early stages before it does progress to full on abuse.
What makes you think the piercings aren't titanium bars with glow in the dark balls?
Yeah, I would strongly caution you away from putting yourself in that position again. Given what you wrote, it sounds like she is the abusive one and abusers are most dangerous when they are losing control over their victims. The ring is a way to exert some residual control over you. Don't bite.
You def want to delete this one too it’s stupider than the last one
Stop talking to her, she would never leave her husband, just looking for side piece, you can do better, she is not the one!
He's a 20yo boy giving her a $200 pair of shoes “just because.” That is a pretty clear signal he's into her.
Oh no the partners ex posted and am I the asshole. They cheated on that woman together. So this OP is the other woman in the affair partner. And the reason the ex was calling so many times it’s because she had to take their daughter to the hospital
Your wife has been cheating on you. It’s not about the gender, or the sexual orientation, or even whether she’s met up with someone for sex. What she’s been doing that you know for sure is 100% cheating.
I’d be shocked if there wasn’t more, though. There’s a lot of stuff there indicating that she was very interested in getting physical. And there’s been lots of opportunities for her to do so, because a number of her affair partners are local.
Her crying and accusing you of being biphobic, etc was an obvious attempt to get you to stop discussing the actual situation. She’s trying to change the subject, because she doesn’t want to tell you the real truth.
Knowing her, she's not malicious like that, we have open heart conversations and I am really confident this is a kink and she doesn't like it either and don't want to push into it because it is unethical. She's not encouraging me to think about it, quite the contrary. I should have made that clear sry
INFO: why do your friends think he’s controlling? Could you provide more context on why your sister threw a drink at him?
Young, isolated, gullible, doesn't say no when presented with red flags. Yep you're prime pickings for a 40 yr old needing someone to manipulate.
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I am. I help her pay bills as well so I don’t understand why she doesn’t treat me like an adult
Your wife and family are enablers. By helping him and minimizing his bad behavior, they’ve become partners in his actions. If your wife can’t or won’t see that, you have no real choice but to leave before you too become a de facto enabler.
I guess I just feel conflicted because I’m like is it a problem? It doesn’t happen as much now because I basically stopped us from going out, for these reasons. I couldn’t deal with the pee, or he would be super drunk and couldn’t walk, and sometimes just wouldn’t be nice. But I can’t tell if that’s just normal drunk person behavior
Your fiancee is an asshole, incredibly immature, and has massively unreasonable expectations given that he is a parent with responsibilities to his SO and his children. You are both too young to get married. Don't even consider it until you're BOTH at least 25. Hopefully you're planning on a really long engagement. Don't marry people who say “Fuck you”.
Since OP admits she forced the issue, I'm gonna say that he did say no. OP doesn't listen to 'no.'
Alcohol makes people do extremely dumb stuff. However, this person decided to cheat on you and hit you! While alcohol can bring out the worst in us, it cannot create whole worldviews that weren't there before. When people are blackout drunk they are on autopilot with no filter. They act on their desires and vices.
She's showing you she can cheat. She assaulted you willingly! She's a drunk!
What would you tell a woman in your shoes? To leave, right? Do that! For you safety and sanity, leave!
If you value yourself you'll peace-out before any more damage is done.
You as a couple shouldn't because your wife doesn't want to, it's that simple
”because my partner really prides himself on being able to do anything and take care of anything”
And this is your answer along with all above. Lots of “typical men” dislike men who are very good at what they do / successful. It’s threatening, so they cleave away towards those they can feel more even with or superior to. Your friends like him because they aren’t competing with him for anything.
I know this sounds sorta alpha-man BS, but if you look about, you’ll find many men who are very successful, often leaders, are also relatively lonely for male company.
Yes
Yeah, but if you are a loyal partner, you deserve one in return.
exactly, because you would assume that if they are friends with a nazi they must agree with their beliefs, right? well, that is your boyfriends logic and it's not irrational
All I can say is that your SIL is very lucky to have you in her life. Unbelievable at how backwards your in laws are
You left him and now he wants NC. You hurt him and he is avoiding you. Shocking, how could that ever happen?
I told her she didn’t have to tell me what happened at all as we can do what we want with whoever. But I did make it sound like she should’ve told me the truth.
I’m in a pretty similar boat, I’ve gained a ton of weight in the last year due to a medical condition and am not able to lose it on my own because of the same condition. I look at myself and I hate my body. That plus a low libido due to anti depressants, I can’t get myself to have sex even though I love my partner and find him insanely attractive. That being said, my partner loves every inch of me, including and especially the parts I hate… it’s been hard but talk to him about how you’re feeling but also talk to a professional. You can work out as much as you want but if you feel uncomfortable in your body, you will never be satisfied no matter what size.
Your husband loves you, every inch of you, he seems like he finds you extremely attractive, with that there is another concern here: that you’re feeling unfulfilled. Look up 101 date ideas on google and go through the list by doing each activity to see if there is something that you two like doing together but also be open about how you’re feeling in this regard, your physical needs can’t be satisfied until your emotional needs are met ❤️