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I know, I cannot with that….
Thank you! This is exactly what I said! Ignorance is very often willful.
my partner changes with other female friends? like a lot of dudes don’t understand it but it’s a thing girls do n just get hot around each other. never considered that as competition lmao. u gonna start flipping out on him when he’s in the gym locker room showering?
There are billions of people out there. Chances are that you haven't met the one who “fits” you 100% and it's possible to meet someone who might be more compatible. Instead, you choose to be with the one you're with.
Usually when you meet someone who appears to be a better fit, it's just a grass is greener kind of situation and it's not actually better. You're just perceiving it that way.
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It’s time for you two to just co-parent. This guy clearly doesn’t feel the need to be monogamous with you and in my book, once a cheater – always a cheater. He’s already done it four times. How many times will it take before you realize he’s just not that into you or your family? Sure he’s showing improvement with “caring”, but anyone can act like they care if it benefits them/tricks you into staying.
Don't let him control you!
Because he feels hurt, he wants to punish her emotionally and make her feel alone!
“I also don't wanna hurt him or want him to get pissed at me” – he doesn't have a reason to feel hurt or pissed of! He's only toxic. What makes him happy (not sad) is only punishing his ex by taking credit for isolating her and seeing her alone.
Hopefully his strategy backfire and you stop talking to him. Don't try to reason with him because you can't win. If he's wants to punish you by cutting you off, it's his loss and not yours.
Anyway, long story short this is impossible because of his black and white thinking;
“I don't want any of us to cut each other off but I also don't wanna hurt him or want him to get pissed at me” – someone will be cut off and he'll always be pissed until he finds another victim to abuse.
I grew up in an Asian country and I know how important saving face is to many Asian cultures. A lot of the people responding here will probably never understand that, so I’m expecting the downvotes.
Your husband didn’t have to be anyone’s hero, but he chose to assault your father. He didn’t just slap him and stopped when he was already listening. He actually caused a lifelong injury. Please don’t minimize the incident by saying your husband was sorry afterwards. That day, he didn’t just break your father’s arm, he broke any kind of relationship he has with your father. I’m not surprised at all your father doesn’t want anything to do with him.
Unfortunately, the only way your father can save face AND feel safe is to ignore your husband’s existence. You didn’t really mention anything about what transpired between your husband and father since then. I’m assuming they have never spoken since. To your father, you’re choosing to be with a man who intentionally left him with a lifelong injury. Your husband in the meantime thinks you’re only safe with him —which, honestly, after your story, I doubt that you are.
Please consider seeking therapy. You’ve clearly had a rough upbringing and you might be falling into a pattern here. Your husband is showing abusive signs by controlling your ability to go to your family or even see your family.
I am honestly scared for you, OP. Please seek counseling and try to learn more about what counts as a healthy relationship.
This 100%… I have pretty low expectations after my husband turned out to be a shitheel but a couple weeks ago, I took a pain pill on an empty stomach and it made me nauseated and very fatigued. My sort-of boyfriend took over driving home (we were on a trip a little out of town), tucked me in on my couch, made me some food and Powerade, unpacked the car, and insisted he would stay if I needed him (even though he really needed to go home so he could get to work easier the next day).
Good men step up… absolutely.
Also, I hope your migraine and cramps are better soon.
Their childhood will have given them an entirely different frame of reference than you. I’m 32 and my childhood revolves around the fallout from 9/11 and the digital revolution.
Your partner got to experience the 80s as a kid and the 90s as a teenager. That’s a whooole different set of values culturally.
Can you both bridge the gap?
They may be in a different place in their life rn. Do they want children? They might be in the very early stages of thinking about retirement. They might be more established in a career and may not be as flexible as you career wise.
Communication is key.
Why are you bothering? He's a dead weight that can really screw your life up.
Yeah well if only you knew her list of don’t do’s
You're reacting the exact correct way, most people would consider the way he wants you to react as psychotic. Man's got issues. Maybe he'll learn to fix himself if he's single for a bit
Definitely plausible, you have exactly 120 seconds from the moment you hit send to unsend iMessages.
I think you're maybe a little reactive because of your ex, but there are people with cluster B disorders who aren't abusive. Your ex was awful because she's awful, not because of her diagnosis.
I truly hope you're doing better and that you find all the happiness you can hold.