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Victor, 26 y.o.
Location: Belarus
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It’s not bad to be frugal and to use your clothing (and mend it) until it falls apart. I am less happy about the pots and pans. You are right, they should be exchanged, for health reasons. But you have to let him make his own mistakes if he doesn’t want to take advice. And possibly walk away if you can’t online with his decisions.
But if he doesn’t treat you right, that’s when you have to make a decision whether he is really worth it.
Anyone who says you did nothing wrong is sick. This is not something you can shrug off. It would be understandable if you slept with someone who wasn’t related to your wife. That could be excused. But fucking your SIL three times after your wife has only been dead for six months is fucked up and I don’t care how much downvotes I get. I hope you both get therapy and get better but that’s sickening.
Denial is incredibly powerful. If you were conceived in a traumatic assault she may have all but completely buried that memory.