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Keep your word and don't tell her anything.
I would quit calling or talking to your “best friend”. WHen she asks why you haven't contacted her or are avoiding her, just say she seems busy way more than normal, isn't around like she used to be,and acts very odd. Ask her why she is acting that way and why she isn't around. Give her a chance to spill the beans.
Either way, the guy friend might actually be the better friend of the two for telling you. A best friend usually is open with you, not dating your ex and hiding it.
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Sorry these commenters are giving you such a hot time. Seems pretty reasonable and straight forward to me – you find him in his current state physically undesirable. You want him to care more about his health. Why is this so hard for people to grasp?
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Don’t do anything? It’s a crazy story you can tell people if you want, but the dude is a creep, and you should never have any contact with him again.
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Sometimes these things take time. It may start off at 50% and you’re gonna have to be the most civil person even when you want to yell and shout and scream at her. The important part is collecting evidence of negligence, making sure it’s legal and valid, and striking when the time is right.
The “mom” isn't active on any socials at all. We don't really know her family's contact since he didn't date her for long.
Because it's the first time he's ever stonewalling her. It's a very bad sign, and is highly indicative of a much deeper issue.
You sound like an angry mess. Generalizing all men into one negative category sends off big red alert flags.
In any case, he fucked you because you let him. Sex isn't an indication that he wants to have a meaningful relationship with you. You don't have to be his “type” to just have casual sex. You DO have to be his type for it to turn into anything long-term.
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You need some self-esteem more than her. Dead bedroom for 8 months and she cheats. She is worthless, bro. I doubt you even actually went after her over the deadbedroom she probably just sees you as a backup plan at this point because you aren't assertive and self co fident enough to demand any real respect.
We can be as humanising as we want. But let’s all just cut the bullshit and admit that some people are higher class than others? I’m not saying at all that includes me. Maybe I’m on the lower end and that’s why I’m single. But it’s rubbish to say we’re all equal in that way
Why do normal questions get removed and this bs doesn't
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Last night was New Years I went out and got fucked up without endangering my relationship. It’s really not that very hot
She doesn’t talk to me anymore only my mom
How did the polygraph test turned out ? U believe ur wife is expert liar to even dodge the polygraph ?
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Welcome to 80% of college threesomes. Half of those end up with the other two people hooking up. This is where the term Bi-curious turns into Bi-furious.
I suggest you break up. Not because you don’t love each other, but because you do. Long distance relationships are like cakes without sugar, completely pointless. Just start dating again when she’s back.
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Lol. I got downvoted ?
He wants meaningless sex but he also wants you to patiently wait for him until after college?
It's clear what he wants, to let him do what he wants and break it off.
You'll find someone who appreciates and respects you.
I'm with you here. I feel like the comments thus far are not even trying to think about this from Kate's perspective – they just see a controversial topic and defenses are raised immediately.
I also feel sad for Kate (though it's not clear if she is actually the only black person in the group, unless I missed something), who just found out her friends true thoughts on a pretty big racial issue. Like, I don't necessarily think the gf can't do this cosplay but I am getting the sense that she and OP haven't really thought through the optics and are more concerned with saving face.
Being non-exclusive and seeing other people is fine when you're open about it, and get the ok from the other person you're talking to. If you're wanting to play the field, that's fine. Just let the other person know so you're not leading them on, and so that way they have a choice of if they want to compete with another person.
The problem here, imo, is that she willingly allowed herself to be put into a situation to have sex with someone who she has apparently denied multiple times, and framed to OP that she wasn't interested in. Yeah, they weren't exclusive, but it's just in bad form to have casual sex with someone when you're talking to another in the hopes of having a committed relationship.
Haha no. I was meaning talking calmly, with kindness, no aggression, etc like I'm attempting to do is what people get good at when they talk with/have/work with children. I've rarely spoken to children in my life!
UpdateMe!
I kinda hope he might change his mind and just accept the offer I made to pay for everything I took from him
Yeah cus drug dealers can have a change of heart when it comes to love lmao. Dude you robbed him! He’s probably plotting and scheming ways to get his revenge.
I just don’t want to get into…
Dude you’re in it already. Your best way of dealing with it is being honest and tell her about your past and explain to her that you turned your life around. She has to make the choice of staying with you or not.
My advice don’t stick around it’s not worth it. the brother is gonna find ways to ruin the relationship or worse.
Dump her, she's not it. If she was into you, she would have not gone to the party, because you can't go.
Haha thanks for this English lesson, it is not my first language
It sounds like she was doing the brunt of the work while you went to party with your friends. You say you told her she could go out the next night but I bet she was stressed out and exhausted by then and had no energy to go out. Now that you are around more to maybe contribute more plus I’m guessing kids are older and easier to care for she has more energy and time to go out for herself. As long as she’s not cheating then her going out with her friends every once in a while is fine.
When I was a hairdresser in a really nice, upper middle class suburb, one day a few clients mentioned to me that they had received invites from another resident to a swinger party at their home. They were weirded out and thought it was funny that these people just kinda invited the whole neighborhood out of the blue to see who would show. Apparently a bunch of people actually went though. That house was really noisy and lively that night.
He should probably get tested if he’s hooking up with random women from Reddit anyway, which seems to be the case.
Well we’ve recently been working on our relationship, and everything has been going great, I just feel inferior compared to other women because of this.
Text or call him
You both didn’t bring it up so why all this deflecting on him? He’s not just doing sex to you. It’s a mutual act.
Yes it's the incompatibility. Some couples just have different needs and it's way better to be honest with yourselves than to push through a marriage that probably won't work out.
Seems most of these lies are guarding against a particular kind of shame: not being a responsible, diligent provider.
Sit down with him and give it a name: “You get ashamed when you think I’ll judge you for mishandling, wasting, or not making enough money. You don’t have to do that. Your money is your money. I’m not your mother but your partner. Just do what you want with your money and stop lying to me about it: whoever made you feel shitty about your decisions isn’t me.”
Well, this is obviously a huge difference between you two. I may be old fashioned, but I don't believe that an open relationship can be a serious, long-term prospect. I mean, sure, maybe some people can deal with it, but I couldn't.
Just talk to her about your feelings. You need to communicate because this is pretty huge. I'm also pretty sure that she'd like to sleep with this particular co-worker – so she's asking to have an affair and for you to be OK with it.
That’s a selection criterion that works both ways.
My husband enjoys sports and outdoor activities and I don’t really have any hobbies but I enjoy antiquing, the beach/pool and shopping.
Go for weekly walks, take-up a game like pokĂ©mon go, do ballroom or latin dancing, cook together one new meal every month….there are lots of options.
Because both of them are bad ideas and NO ONE has any suggestions that they want to give to lead you to do either of them. All of the responses are for
#3. “We are incompatible because I'm monogamous and she wants to sleep with other people. What is the best way to break up with her so that I can maintain my self-esteem and integrity?”
No not at all because I respect him lol
That doesn't necessarily mean being in pain. After a leg day at the gym you also sometimes can't walk straight, muscle fatigue.
More info would be swell. But I'm only 50% sold on your hypothesis.
She sounds fed up, or alternately; a big jerk.
Some people get sick of 'lazy' husbands. Other people are so pampered that they turn into wailing infants when they don't get their way.
The face value of this post is that the wife is being a douche. Maybe that's wrong as well.
I can't find any indication in your post that your gf knows your history. Does she? If so, it shouldn't be too difficult for her to treat your issues with understanding. If that's the case and she's still impatient then she may be right, time to move on.
If she doesn't know, then the reason you're losing her is not that you won't show her your body, it's that she doesn't know who you are, because you haven't shown her your self.
Over to you. What's important? Only you know.
You might think you're an adult, and legally yes your may be, but you're only 18. Your brain isn't even fully developed yet.
We were all drunk and I tried speaking with him but it was like talking to q wall, that s when I got angry…
It isn't something someone should say without serious consideration behind it, but sometimes it needs to be said; otherwise, you end up with them breaking up with you without having given you a chance to address it.
If you feel like merely considering ending a relationship is enough to preemptively break up, you're going to be cutting and running away from anything short of a fairy tale relationship.
I tend to agree, if stuff is getting so bad that they're dropping bombs like that a few times a year, after being together for 5 years, that sounds bad.
What I'd look at, were I you, is: are their concerns something I'm interested in fully addressing (conversations like this need to have their root addressed, if it can't be addressed, breaking up is the only tool), are they using the break up bomb as a tool to get their way (using a nuclear bomb as a response to mild shit is not okay), or are they doing it to demonstrate vulnerability in an effort to salvage the relationship (the proper way to do this)?
You shouldn't casually use this as a tool whenever the going gets tough. And if you play this card often enough, at some point you have to consider is this relationship actually good enough? All these are answers you're going to have to figure out for yourself, but I'd recommend that you don't cut off this avenue of communication. You can define whatever boundaries you like, but if your partner respected this boundary, when they were considering leaving, you've cut off their avenue to address it. The only tool they have left is either watering it down and hope you pick up on the severity OR they break up with you.
What a loser, dump him
Might be worth a few solo counseling sessions to talk it out, and then bring it to your joint sessions if you feel like it's something worth repairing?
If you decide you want to break up over it, absolutely do that. You fully get that isn't something you can take back, and there's absolutely no reason to be rash about this decision.
Take the time and space you need. If your partner won't give that to you, it should just emphasize that they aren't capable of giving you what you need.
Oh and to add something: I don't judge him for being realistic that 50% of marriages get divorced nowadays. That's also why some people get a prenup and there is also nothing wrong about it. This “I promise we will be together until we die” thing seems a little too idealistic nowadays.
The trouble with ultimatums is if you don't follow through, it makes you week
My thought would be stop vacating with him and just do and enjoy your own thing, on the ones he is interested in bring him.
Full disclosure: my parents had this issue. 75% of the time my mother would go alone or with her cousin. My dad would go on the 25% of the vacations and they tended to be the more traditional ones.
Than call the police and move apartments
Both
I'm sorry this happened to you. That definitely is not ok he did that and your reaction was 100% ok. I actually had something similar (a friend said it was too late for me to drive home, I woke up the middle of the night to him shoving my hand down his pants, I froze, and rolled over “in my sleep” to get my hand away which thankfully stopped him, pretended to be asleep until I could fake waking up and run away) and honestly I never talked to the guy in person anymore. I think I didn't respond to any of his texts anymore. I kinda wish I confronted him about how fucked up he was, but at the time it was way more important for me to forget it and move on.
Going forward just do what you have to do. I'm so proud of you for being able to tell your friends. Her mom is shit though – maybe she didn't get told everything he did, but still doesn't excuse him touching you without permission. If you want to listen to his apology, do. If not, fuck him. If you don't want to outright ignore the mom say “I'm not comfortable talking to him at this point, please respect that.”
Also, it’s ok if you regret it but if you ever are in a legit relationship please tell the man about what you’ve done because lol
Very selfish of you to go thru this pregnancy that obviously was an accident since its bern only 5 months since you’ve been together and the fact that you dnt have any housing alternative and are not able to hold a job? What do you expect your life to be like for that baby? I understand its painful as ive terminated pregnancy myself. Im a mom now but because i was sure i wouldnt have to survive with my child. very poor judgement. The child is not at fault for you being SO irresponsible
Yeah, that's called unmedicated bipolar. Have you even looked up what you're dealing with here, or did you just go, “naaaah, it'll be fine!”
Bipolar 100% needs medication, or it not only repeatedly cycles into “things are bad” territory, the bad will get worse and worse as it continues.
Oh, I haven’t found that answer! Thanks.
That being said, yes, they were using some kind of “protection” (not sure if that’s the word in english, prevention, maybe?) and the guy didn’t have any reason to doubt she wouldn’t go through in case it failed since she said she didn’t want kids.
OP is free to change her mind and want to keep the baby, but I feel that in this situation, there isn’t much we can blame the guy for (and the reason why I say “guy” and not “partner” is because to me, it sounds obvious that he doesn’t want this relationship and just haven’t asked OP to move out because she doesn’t have where to go).
Lmao this made me laugh
Lol he won’t. She consented to having sex. He asked her she said OK. That’s all
I have tried to ask her about her fantasies, and what she wants to try or do. But it’s just plain old heterosexual sex, no variety. No toys, no foreplay. I get it; definitely seems like I’m whining, but I don’t want to miss out on experiences she isn’t willing to try.
What does he think is going to happen if you were to meet his friends? He’s a jerk that should be jerking into his hand
Woooah married for the VISA??? He really regrets being deported if you divorce him.
have some self respect for yourself