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If you know where the clitoris is, then you can show her urself so that she can do it by herself ? i was in the same situation for the past 2,5 years without comming.. and now everytime we do it i always rub my clit and then i comme.. but you need to be patient. And also its better if your pp is out when she rubs her clit ? good luck!
I'm generally against getting back with an ex. The same problems that caused you to end things are more than likely going to come back up.
However, lay your cards on the table. Tell her things have been going well and you want to be exclusive again. Regardless of her response, you'll have the answer you need to move forward.
Best of luck!
but while I was there I met a guy that was actually really nice and we hit it off. We kinda bonded over neither of us being really into swinging and it being more something we were trying for our partners. We did have sex and it was really good too, so that was nice plus. After that, we kinda had a bit of an agreement about only having sex with each other since we both expressed we only felt comfortable with that so far. Although, we haven't even had sex every single time we've been together. Sometimes we just talked.
You're not describing swinging. You're describing building a relationship.
He got very, very upset and said what I've been doing isn't swinging, that I've just basically been dating him and that wasn't what we agreed on.
He is right in describing it as you dating him. But what DID you agree on?
I genuinely don't think I'm in the wrong, I don't think I did anything wrong.
Did you know what swinging was before you went to your first swinging party? (Apparently not!) Why did you agree to something you didn't know the ins and outs of? What did you expect to happen at that party?
Stay at a motel, airbnb, or inn for a night. Plan a trip. Your car? You guys seem old enough to have jobs so I'm assuming you have money to go out for a night.
Hi there – I also have a similar history and acted as you did for a long time.
What you’re doing is not stonewalling, it’s more like disassociating/suppression. When we’re raised not to acknowledge or express our feelings, especially strong ones, we end up disconnected from them as adults. Often we feel things with extreme intensity but are unable to name or talk about those feelings, let alone do so in a way that’s constructive or respectful in the context of a relationship. We don’t want to pretend everything is ok when it’s not, but we don’t know how to communicate what we feel. So we tend to shut down and withdraw, which can look like withholding connection/affection from someone even if that’s not our intention.
There are a few things you can do here to help with this.
Let your partner know what your process is. TELL him that you struggle to talk about your feelings. Sit him down and explain that when something upsets you, your brain goes into shutdown mode and you need some time to sort through what you’re feeling by yourself. Reiterate that when you do this, it’s not because you want to punish him or even because you want him to do anything at all – you just don’t have the emotional skills yet to have such a conversation, at least not while you’re still upset. You could even come up with a code word that you both agree on that you can use which means “I’m getting overwhelmed by my feelings and need a bit of space to myself, but I still love you and will come back to reconnect once I’m feeling safe with my emotions again.” I can’t guarantee he won’t be hurt if you pull away, but at least you will both know why it’s happening and that it’s something you’re working to change.
Work on the aforementioned emotional skills. This could look like journaling, therapy (especially with a childhood trauma therapist), some kind of mind/body connecting activity like yoga or Pilates or meditation, reading books and articles about emotional regulation. The topic of Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) might resonate with you. You might actually find a lot of useful content in material that’s targeted at parents, as given that the initial damage occurred in childhood, you will probably need to re-learn some fairly basic emotional skills. You might even think about getting something like a “feelings wheel” that you can use in stressful situations. Don’t feel silly or childish about using tools designed initially for children – many adults lack the same skills you do for similar reasons, and there’s no point doing a bunch of pseudo-intellectual work about your emotions until you’ve mastered the basics of saying “I’m feeling angry and scared after the way you just spoke to me and I’m struggling to process those feelings”.
This is gonna sound weird, but consider taking up some kind of art. I don’t just mean painting – I mean any kind of expression that’s about conveying some kind of emotion. Often we feel safer putting our feelings into something creative than we do speaking about them directly. For me it’s poetry; I can write about things that are too painful, complicated or just personal for me to talk about in an actual conversation. And often the process of writing gives me the initial release I need to convert my emotions into thoughts and words, which I can then use as a basis to communicate them with my partner. Think of it like translation – you can describe your feelings in any language you like, or no language at all – colours, shapes, pictures, music. You can even just write out the most incoherent, ugly, violent things running through your head – it doesn’t have to make sense. It’s about creating some kind of bridge between the things you feel – which you’re currently shutting away – and your ability to share that with another person safely. Creativity can often span that gap.
Think about how you feel about your own emotions. Do you consider them important? Do they annoy you? Do you wish they would disappear, or that somebody would take them more seriously? Do you feel contempt for yourself or others when you or they experience strong emotion? Do you think other people’s feelings matter more than yours, or less, or the same? How we feel about our emotions can help us understand a lot about why we treat them the way we do. And we often have much more rigid and unforgiving standards for our own emotions than we do for others, especially if we were raised in some kind of emotional neglect.
There is nothing wrong with needing some time to process your emotions when something upsets you. Feeling safe sharing our most intense feelings with others is something we often have to relearn in adulthood, and it can take a lot of work. But it’s definitely worth it, and I think you can do it. The fact that you WANT to be better in the first place without having reached some kind of crisis point in your personal relationships is a big positive – many people wait for an ultimatum from a loved one before they get to that point. Give it a go and I think you’ll be surprised by how much difference it makes.
It's ridiculous that OP's friends act like this girl can't help what she says. She's been nothing but rude but finally when OP spoke up then she's just 'joking' and OP is taking it 'too seriously'.
DARVO at its finest. Reversing the roles, making OP the bad guy for having healthy boundaries.
OP does not need friends like that. This is the kind of friend that spreads rumors and talks shit. It would only get worse if OP apologized. OP needs to take a stand and purge this negativity and jealousy from her life.
She playing mind games. Move on and find someone who actually wants to date you.
Well that's her problem, if you want to make the relationship work every worry needs to be said
Can’t you just use condoms?