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I mostly agree with you, except that those disagreements aren’t inevitable if you don’t want or have children
You don’t need to explain why it’s a boundary you have and they need to respect it or end the relationship
So for starters you both need to get into therapy, it is definitely yours husbands own experiences with his father that is driving this.
Second you need to tell your husband for starters and I mean no disrespect neither of you are getting any younger; it takes a lot to keep up with little kids.
Next and I don't know how many embryos you still have but just because it worked this time does not mean it will work next time; there are no guarantees.
He wants another year to be together but you have been together 9 years and as most people will tell you there is almost never a good time to have a child, but you two have been planning for it and likely way ahead of an average couple with an whoops.
Without help he will never be ready; in a month you will be halfway to go with the pregnancy; there is still a lot of time for him to get ready of the idea of parenthood.
What did you do to him? I feel like that's an important part of the story.
You are in creeper land now. Should you talk to her about it? Only if you don't want to work there anymore. Get some friends or hobbies or something. This is unhealthy.