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Look into adult ADHD live and see if it fits, if so research treatment (usually it’s behavior modification and support, not medication).
Found the narcissist.
The fact that you have to tell him to keep it professional is concerning in itself. It should be a given to keep coworkers as professional relationships. I don’t know to me there’s really no reason to talk to coworkers outside of work you generally don’t need to. No one is making him he doesn’t have to go to lunch with her he is actively choosing to go to lunch with her he clearly wants to go, but why he could refuse to go. The question as to why he doesn’t refuse to go does bring up concern.
I don't think there's much you can do except letting him know you're there for him and that he can talk to you about anything. Though you might have to accept that he doesn't want to share his feelings.
My bf is the same way, but he started seeing psychiatric nurse nurse where he can hopefully talk about whatever might be bothering him. I still make sure to regularly ask how he's feeling and that he can still talk to me if he wants to.
Men have harder time in general opening up due to toxic masculinity and the idea that “real men don't cry” that can start in childhood. Sharing emotions can be seen as negative thing to do, but luckily things are changing so men can express feelings freely too.
Sorry for the long answer!
I think I will. Thank you. Originally I was going to let it fade, but from your comment + others it seems like the best choice may be to talk to him.
I would keep my distance from her, ostensibly “to make sure she is safe” but agree to the background check and whatever therapy she wants…but only if she pays for it.
Once she is satisfied with the results, and is hopefully a few thousand dollars lighter, break up with her.
You two have a lack of trust and communication. He sounds like an inconsiderate douche. You deserve better. Tell him no condoms no sex. He’ll change his mind and start using condoms. If you don’t want to get pregnant, using birth control AND condoms is a smarter and safer choice. When my childfree husband and I first got together, and for a long time afterwards, we used condoms and birth control. Then he offered to get a vasectomy which has only made everything better.
Just talk to her. I've also been dating my partner for about 10 months, and I know how much money he makes, how much debt he has, and a general idea of where his money goes, and he knows the same about me.
If you are considering a long term relationship with this woman, money and finances are something that you have to be able to talk openly about. If you can't do that, you should not be dating.
You have to learn to let go. You’re not responsible for her feelings. You aren’t being petty. You are setting boundaries.
1) No offense but you're a terrible parent. Not saying you're a bad *person* in any way but when it comes to teaching, leadership, etc, you get an F minus. There is no fixing this at 19.
2) There is no way to force her compliance in your house. She already knows she can walk all over you, she knows you have no backbone, she's got 19 years of history you're not going to challenge it at this point without going nuclear.
The answer is to let her go be homeless for a month or two. Let her experience the actual adult world and go couch surf. Tell her like, she's welcome at home but she will only be welcome at home if she does what you tell her. That she is no longer a child in your house who is your responsibility to take care of and if she is not going to take adult responsibilty seriously then she can go hang out with her friends and figure out her own life and her own money away from you and come back if she fucks it up so bad that she's willing to do what she gets told until she gets her shit together.
I'm going to be super blunt. You did not prepare your daughter for adult life and her adult life is going to suck for a long time because of it and so far as I am concerned, as a parent myself, it is entirely your fault. 19 year olds are children with adult freedoms. The fact that she's not following your lead means that you offered no real lead to follow, and there's no undoing that.
Throw her out for some sink or swim, and tell her very clearly as you do it this isn't anger or hate or revenge, this is teaching. She is not going to learn the world is serious and to take it seriously until she goes out and experiences it so tell her yeah, she's now homeless until she gets her shit in order and takes the gift of your continued help in her adulthood dead serious and starts doing what she's told as long as she expects room in your house.
And then you get to try to figure out how to lead well enough if she does follow your lead not to destroy the adult relationship! Because she's not a child and even if she has to do what she's told it has to be told to her through an adult frame of reference you can't disrespect her by treating her like a child, you have to address her as an adult and still get her to follow.
Good luck personally I think you ruined your kid and there's no coming back from it.
I noticed you referred to people who recommend breaking up with him as PETTY PEOPLE followed by talking down to them as IF they have zero life experience or been through this exact same thing. I don’t see what’s so “petty” about suggesting leaving a chronic cheater, seems pretty smart and reasonable to me. But since you frown upon common sense advice then all I can say is Have a fun nice life with your chronic cheater. See you here in a few years when you are actually ready to listen to some “petty people.”