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Girl. Talk about burying the fucking lede! The advice I wrote out still applies but I would not have taken ten minutes to write it if I knew all this missing context, you really should've included this in your post. Ending it seems like the best possible result at this point.
I think it's called missing missing reasons.
Personally I don't think it would be underhanded at all to get a vasectomy. You have been very clear that you do not want another child and up until recently she felt the same. She is now being extremely toxic and coercive and quite frankly I wouldn't trust her to not cheat to get pregnant or effectively rape you to get pregnant. I know that sounds extreme but she seems to have spiraled quickly down this particular rabbit hole and has no interest in listening to your very real and very valid concerns/desires.
IMHO it is not selfish to not bring a child who isn't 100% wanted into the world. It would in fact be selfish of her to bring a child into it knowing you do not want to do so especially with so many unknowns. What if the child is born and develops or displays extreme behavioral issues? What if your wife suffers from complications and is permanently disabled in some way or even dies? Then you are sitting in your almost mid 40's with a baby you didn't want and either acting as a caretaker for your wife or a single parent.
Probably the fact that he couldn’t be sure that you’d change your mind again before the ring was made? You spent 5 years wanting one ring then spent the last 2 wanting something else. He went with the one you wanted the longest. Get it changed if you have to but don’t blame him for being unsure what you want.
Well who am I best reporting this to?
I don't know if the local authorities will be the best option since I openly admit to taking something.
Should I be going to my father about this?
I disagree. Some people don’t need closure. If you walked into your boyfriends house and saw your boyfriend getting dressed and a beautiful girl over on the couch out of breath would you be like oh hey nice to see you both? No you would fucking lose it. When it turns out they had just gone to work out you’d be like oh my bad. But the damage would be done.
she supposedly wants something serious with these men and does not like being used only for sex
Honestly you are the one being naive here. She obviously either loves this, or is addicted to the drama. If she was being rational she would realize that you were right about the last two guys, you're probably right about the next one. Meaning she knows full well these guys will use her, but she actually WANTS that, even if she tells you she doesn't. She likes the crazy high and lows of emotions, crying her eyes out, getting attention and pity from you and other people. She feels comfortable being in this dynamic, and you are feeding into it by supporting her. What she needs is people to actually stop putting up with her shit, and therapy.
You're doing what makes you both happy. That's what matters. Don't stop something that works for you just because othet people don't get it.
The upbringing of the child is directly part of this conversation. OP may or may not choose to keep the child, however, she is aware that her ex does not wish to have a child.
Is it a good choice for OP to be obligated to coordinate either support payments or custody with an ex?
Is it good for the child to have a parent who wishes they were never born?
Is OP in a place where they're financially stable enough that a lack of support payments won't create a negative impact on their ability to parent?
Is the ex going to be an issue? Is the ex going to be a potential source of physical danger for OP?
OP is the only one who gets to decide whether she terminates the pregnancy. But her ex's feelings about the pregnancy are relevant both in the short-term and the long term and will certainly have consequences for the child.
If it's doing you know good and you can't accepted you're a booty call… then yeah block and move on cold turkey style. You'll feel better for in a few weeks.
so why do you stay with him? You're incredibly young and have the chance of a full life without being verbally abused by an emotionally incontinent partner