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When sexting, send her one of the nudes you have of her with the text, “This is one of my favorites. Unless you’ve got something better!”
Then she can send something new in the moment if she wants to. And it gives her an option to say no.
This sounds horrible.
An innocent person with mo secrets does not respond the way she did (basically turning around on you).
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Even if legit by this mechanism, still a good reason to declare fundamental incompatibility and break up. Go find a partner who likes the way you smell.
I’m sorry your receiving some pretty blunt comments on this post. I think it’s easy to forget what it feels like to be young. I hope my comment is helpful.
You need to end it. I think you know this, but I also understand how helpful it can be to write things out and get other perspectives, the way you’re doing with this post. So I’m going to offer my perspective.
This relationship needs to be over, ASAP. For you, and for him too. If you’re right and he is depressed (and as someone who has had many depressive episodes, it sure sounds like he is) then you sticking around out of pity or fear or any reason other than loving him and enjoying the relationship is NOT doing either of you any favours. His mental health is not your responsibility. Plus, as you have experienced, we cannot make other people work on themselves – they have to decide to do the work. If he is not ready to do the work, or if he is too sick to begin it right now, then you have done all you can do. You’ve laid out your concerns, you’ve tried to help him, and he is either unable or unwilling to change. That means it’s time to cut your losses and end the relationship.
So what happen if you leave? I want to be clear that you leaving him will not “ruin his life”. I say this as someone who has been super depressed and been broken up with and then ended up in hospital for my mental health! A life is composed of so much more than our romantic relationships, and even if he’s not living much of a life right now because of his mental health, he has the potential to live! a very full life in the future. Perhaps you mean that his life will feel or seem very empty if you break up with him, or even that he might feel suicidal. If he’s depressed, that is a definite possibility. However, that is also NOT your responsibility (or your fault)! All you can do is be very kind (but very firm) when ending things, and set clear boundaries. I would advise against remaining friends afterwards. Additionally, you can talk to his mum and his friends to let them know you’ve broken up and to make sure to check in with how he’s doing. That’s really all you have power over.
Now, the loneliness. You may feel pretty lonely after splitting up! Breakups are a grieving process, and they feel super shitty. BUT that’s normal, and you won’t feel lonely (or be single) forever. You have so many years ahead of you to fill with new experiences and meeting new people. You can let yourself feel all the shitty emotions, do lots of crying and wallowing in self pity, and then quite naturally you’ll start to feel better and better. You might even feel some relief! Especially considering how burdensome this relationship has become for you.
I hope that makes sense. It’s not a crime to fall out of love with someone, or to realise they’re not who you thought they were. It doesn’t make you a bad person to reach the end of your rope with a partner who is struggling with mental illness! It’s GOOD to take care of you and put yourself first. In this situation, I’m confident that means breaking up with your bf.
Well then its up to you. You can do it and maybe have a pleasant conversation. I would personally suggest just messaging the girl directly. Be up front. The worst that can happen is she doesnt want to connect or catch up and then you move on.
I'm going to have to agree with a lot of people here in saying your husband has an OBSESSION, not a crush. An obsession that has him hiding his true self from you. And that truth is that he is bordering on very dangerous behavior, and showing himself to be a stalker.
This is an unsafe situation for you, as well as her. If you confront him, based on what has been revealed by her, he could lose his shit and take it out on you.
I would advise her to contact police, and let the chips fall where they may. If she is lying, the police will sort it out. If she is telling the truth, you get out of this marriage clean, without putting yourself at immediate risk.
If you choose to go the route of confrontation, get confirmation from his devices first, on the off chance she is making shit up. It seems unlikely, but it's good to have the evidence from his end, because he can easily deny and delete.
If you can't get to his devices to confirm, consider my first option very seriously. Confrontation with an obsessed stalker is a coin flip on whether it goes south or not.
Yes and let us know how it goes ?
Yeah… general anxiety, major depression, borderline, trauma and stressor related disorder… and a few other things. I’m in therapy and under psychiatric care right now.
I know that’s what I worried about ? it has happened a few times before. I will never know…
I never said that she didn't have a right to how she feels and to have whatever preferences she likes. I just said it's stupid. Purity culture is massively unhealthy and I'm not gonna pretend it isn't.
you are not entitled to her child. you are owed nothing. your daughter chooses who gets to do what.
So why are you dating someone who doesn’t listen to you and talks down to you….?