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You need to be honest with him. I’ve been in your shoes, and I’ve had it pass before. But you shouldn’t be hiding your feelings from him.
Oof, I really feel for you here. Not to throw all men into this camp, but this was my parenting experience too and that of many of my friends—and that’s even talking about dads with progressive attitudes! Progressive attitudes until it comes to being in-tune with their children’s needs that inconvenience them.
If this relationship is important to you, and I hope it is, I would try re-framing this as something other than “weaponized” incompetence. That view will naturally fuel your anger to the detriment of your relationship.
Try having calm conversations with him at a time of day other than when this is going on. (I’d say talk when you’re not tired, but you must be exhausted all the time.) Maybe ask how you can help wake him up. Tell him how much you need his full participation in this difficult stage of parenting. Don’t accuse him of anything like weaponizing his incompetence. Good luck!
Try thinking of it from a different angle – rather how much you love him and want him, think of how much he will love you and want you. Ultimately he is obviously very hurt and you will need to give him time to heal. In the meantime you can find ways to change and make better your own life so that you are happy with the person you are, and maybe then he will be able to love you again. Obviously you care a lot about him, and if it is something that means so much to you, making a positive change in the way you live! your own life will mean more than any words you could ever say to him.
Married dosn't mean “not interested”. I'd be worried too.