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20 isn’t even a high number? That’s like 2 a year if you spread it out.
He’s just an asshole. And a racist misogynist to boot.
I think perhaps your normal meter is broken, for how you’re supposed to be treated.
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I think you and your husband should sit down and figure out how to explain it to them, and not let them push past it or hand-wave it away. Find a way to compromise on visits so that it is clear you don't want to keep their grandchild from them, specifically, but that these situations make you nervous. I think your husband should do the heavy lifting in this conversation, since they are his parents. But you basically need to lay out how it is to be you and how you feel in those places, and why you don't want your child there, especially without you.
My cousin is white, her husband is black and 2 of their three daughters look clearly mixed. My aunt and uncle are the type of people who pretend racism doesn't exist anymore. They adore their granddaughters… they absolutely online for them, but they're not good with these issues, and I do worry about when the girls get older and realize themselves that their grandparents aren't really “there” for them in that way.
I'm hoping they come around… I am hoping when the oldest gets into her teens and starts questioning that they truly listen. They think the sun rises and sets with her… so it is possible. But their daughter falls on deaf ears with them.
But I digress… The thing is, you have your boundaries and your right to set them. And really, asking you to just let them have your baby alone for a while at such a young age is a lot to ask, regardless of the other circumstances.
Get a plan with your husband. Figure out what you will and will not be okay with. Come at them with love, and let him do the majority of the talking. This is his thing. You show him your feelings, he deals with his parents.
Your son will be miserable and mentally ill if you keep this abusive relationship going.
If you can sacrifice your son health and fail him, then you keep goin this relationship
Why can't you communicate your worries to the man you are about to marry?
That's like saying “you have to choose between killing a baby pig and killing a baby rabbit….whichever one you choose, you clearly support doing that”….this is a stupid argument you are trying to make
Everyone makes those innocent little slip ups from time to time. Apologize again when you have the chance but don't let her beat you up too much over it.
Jesus Christ, what an enormous leap. Not all bad behavior is a result of cheating ffs