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Some people when they realize they can have the stuff they always wanted will tend to go overboard, I'd have a frank discussion about retirement and talk to a financial planner, and build a budget, obviously doing all of what you mentioned in a short period of time will wipe our your savings and you don't want that. See how she reacts and hopefully it's just a shocked reaction. Otherwise you know her better then anyone if this is the real her then you got some thinking to do.
He is not the right person for you. You don’t want to be someone’s rebound. There is someone out there for you, don’t give up hope.
Spousal abuse never really goes away or diminishes. It escalates until either you’re dead or both of you are via murder suicide. Abuse starts small and escalates as the abusive partner pushes the boundaries of the abused. Sure, they’re not hitting your kids today, but what about tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Next year? You don’t know that for sure and neither does she.
You have 1 truly safe option and that’s to get help and make a plan. This plan needs to be hidden from your wife. She will not hesitate to escalate the abuse even further knowing that she’s about to lose both her husband and kids.
I suggest you start building up your escape money in a separate bank account. Start stashing stuff elsewhere like important documents for both yourself and your kids. Lock down your electronics and do not share the password. Start closing down your social media accounts and get a burner phone. If you can, meet with a lawyer that specializes in abuse cases; look for family law. This again needs to be done in secret.
Once you’ve achieved all of the above, you need a hot deadline for when you leave. Set the reminder and let people you know you can trust to keep a secret help you. If your wife works, make the move when she’s at work. If she’s going on a trip, even better. As soon as she leaves, you make your move and get everything packed up and out the door. Only pack clothes, toys/clothes for the girls, important portable electronics and necessary medications/toiletries. The idea is to be mobile and move quickly. You want to be out of the house in under 20 minutes in case anything changes. If you’re able to have a third party there to protect you and the kids in case she comes home early, that will make things easier.
Once you do leave, disable your cellphone and only communicate via burner with important people. At this time your lawyer should be able to file both divorce papers and a restraining order. The legal battle will just get started so be prepared for shenanigans.
Good luck and I really do hope you get out as soon as possible.