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Because healthy partners in healthy relationships don’t threaten self harm. They listen to you the first time you say no. My boyfriend and I were starting to progress one night and I suddenly lost interest so I told him to stop. He immediately took his hands off me and stopped. Then we watched a movie and fell asleep. That is the bare minimum
Do you have coverage for therapy under your health insurance?
The living with his mom isn't the problem, plenty of adults have to move home for some financial reason or another. The fact that he won't even spend the night at your house in case his mom needs him is a problem. He will never move out. If you want to move forward in your relationship you would be moving in with them and his mother would be a huge part of your relationship and he will ALWAYS choose her over you.
Please be careful. It sounds like he really wants you to be dependent on him.
I would consider this a pretty huge red flag. If he thinks that a man can't be alone with a woman without trying to rape her, what does that say about him?