I see. The thing is, as long as he’s in that living arrangement he’s not moving on at all. He still has to interact with her and he’s still reminded of her every minute of every day. He could only start moving on during those weeks. It was good that you suggested to be friends, but I’m sure during that time he was trying to rush his healing and was still thinking of you as a potential future partner. Putting in effort towards pursuing you and whatnot; and that’s clear by you guys going from friends to dating.
I’m not saying that you moving in wasn’t what you both wanted. Of course it’s what he’ll want — his partner was around for a third of his life. Think about how long that is, how attached he is to that feeling of being with somebody? It’s no doubt he’d want to online with you. Unfortunately, what we want is not always the best for us. Rebounds, texting your ex, these are never what’s best for us but it’s what we want because it makes us feel good in the moment.
I don’t think you need to feel selfish over it. It’s not your job to decide when he’s healed and when he’s not. It’s your job to do what’s best for you, and in your eyes that’s probably being in a relationship with him. It’s his job to do what’s best for him, and instead of healing, moving on, and growing independent, he decided that rebounding and filling the void was a better idea. Of course me telling you not to feel selfish isn’t going to change your emotions lol, I get that, but hopefully this helps ease your mind at least a bit. I hate playing a “your fault/his fault” game, but this lack of closure after the relationship isn’t really your fault, it’s his for not doing himself enough justice and allowing himself to move on.
That wouldn't be alimony or child support. If you want to just give her money because you feel sorry for her than do that, but don't call it alimony or child support which have very distinct meanings. Absolutely don't call it either of those things.
Alimony is for after a divorce so that the financially dependent partner doesn't struggle financially. For instance lets say John and Jane are married. John is wealthy and makes all the money in the relationship. Jane dropped out of school to raise their child, she has been out of the working world and relying on his income. Now they divorce. John has no struggle because he already has a well paying job. Jane grew accustomed to the lifestyle of a stay at home parent with no income of her own. It's not fair that she be thrown into the cold on her own without any means to make a livable income. John is court ordered to pay her an amount every month so that she can survive since during the marriage he was supporting her. You aren't married to her, this financial dependence you've created isn't legally tied together like a marriage would be. Alimony doesn't even happen in every divorce.
Child support is for a person to pay for THEIR OWN child. Children cost a lot of money, and the parents are the primary responsibility to pay for the child's well being. If the parents are not living together then child support exists so that both legal parents are still financially responsible (you aren't a legal parent of her child). If custody is equal split that usually offsets a financial payment. One detail is that if both parents are paying child support then both parents have rights to see the child. Maybe she doesn't want him to pay so that he will stay away, maybe he doesn't make any recordable income, maybe she feels threatened by him.
What did she do before you came along? Is the baby only 11 months old? Why exactly is she not making him pay child support? How did this snowball into you paying for all her expenses? It's not a bad thing that you do, it's just that she knows that she's dependent on you. Help her be independent instead of just planning to be her bank account. It starts by addressing why her ex isn't paying child support, it's his duty (unless she would rather keep him away, but still his duty). Then look into any government funds she can use, there might be programs that help single mothers pay for food/housing.
But think about this: who did you run to when you were in need? Clearly not your gf.
So the not so ex gets the mentally ill, liar, and cheater you. Then when things are looking up again you run back to the gf.
You know what? I think you should choose your gf, you deserve each other. Just don't come back here crying in a couple of years because this young sexy thing baby trapped you and is sucking you dry.
I'm not saying your ex is perfect, but man she deserves better than being treated like this. I feel sorry for her, and for your kids with you for their father.
Stop going to their events. The way they issue their invitations is disrespectful to you and your time too, as well as your boyfriend. If it’s inconvenient or implausible for either of you, don’t go.
Either she really doesn't remember, or she's lying saying she doesn't remember. Unfortunately trust is questionable right now, it's time for a conversation
Toxic masculinity is a baaaaad thing to be taught growing up. It literally takes me being racked with grief to start crying, it aint fun being unable to let out emotions when needed because you got taught that “men dont cry”.
I’m laughing that you think you’ve got better relationship advice than your husband, meanwhile you’re pouring gas on your marriage and lighting it on fire ???
That's true!! It's not necessarily about that. My anxiety is not even about being him, it's just telling me that I am blowing up his phone/that I am insane & I need a little outside perspective on that.
The Merchant Marines pays fairly well and allows people to travel all over the world. It's a great career, especially for younger unmarried people who want to save up and explore.
It's not her fault it's male dominated. So are lots of careers. She doesn't go to work to fuck. She's busy – you know, working. She can't control the actions of her male colleagues anymore than she can male strangers in the grocery store.
If you fear for her safety around a considerable amount of men on a confined ship, that's one thing. It doesn't sound like that's how you framed your point though. You made the issue cheating.
Why meet her. There’s nothing more to say. End of friendship she betrayed you. She was always attracted to Steven but it backfired on her.
Did Dave really said what she said about her and Steven or it was just what she wished for.
Why Steven was so adamant to delete the messages this is suspicious because he didn’t say anything bad she’s the one who wrote that she wanted him. Unless he was afraid Dave would be hurt by it If he saw them. How about Steven is he still going to stay friend with Dave? Will they meet up and is Daisy will be with her husband then.
You have to see about this boundary because the feelings she has with her husband will not fade. She might still be interested in him. Don’t give her any occasion to be with him.
Unfortunately there’s no way to combat the farmers since the whole point is to be anonymous.
I see. The thing is, as long as he’s in that living arrangement he’s not moving on at all. He still has to interact with her and he’s still reminded of her every minute of every day. He could only start moving on during those weeks. It was good that you suggested to be friends, but I’m sure during that time he was trying to rush his healing and was still thinking of you as a potential future partner. Putting in effort towards pursuing you and whatnot; and that’s clear by you guys going from friends to dating.
I’m not saying that you moving in wasn’t what you both wanted. Of course it’s what he’ll want — his partner was around for a third of his life. Think about how long that is, how attached he is to that feeling of being with somebody? It’s no doubt he’d want to online with you. Unfortunately, what we want is not always the best for us. Rebounds, texting your ex, these are never what’s best for us but it’s what we want because it makes us feel good in the moment.
I don’t think you need to feel selfish over it. It’s not your job to decide when he’s healed and when he’s not. It’s your job to do what’s best for you, and in your eyes that’s probably being in a relationship with him. It’s his job to do what’s best for him, and instead of healing, moving on, and growing independent, he decided that rebounding and filling the void was a better idea. Of course me telling you not to feel selfish isn’t going to change your emotions lol, I get that, but hopefully this helps ease your mind at least a bit. I hate playing a “your fault/his fault” game, but this lack of closure after the relationship isn’t really your fault, it’s his for not doing himself enough justice and allowing himself to move on.
That wouldn't be alimony or child support. If you want to just give her money because you feel sorry for her than do that, but don't call it alimony or child support which have very distinct meanings. Absolutely don't call it either of those things.
Alimony is for after a divorce so that the financially dependent partner doesn't struggle financially. For instance lets say John and Jane are married. John is wealthy and makes all the money in the relationship. Jane dropped out of school to raise their child, she has been out of the working world and relying on his income. Now they divorce. John has no struggle because he already has a well paying job. Jane grew accustomed to the lifestyle of a stay at home parent with no income of her own. It's not fair that she be thrown into the cold on her own without any means to make a livable income. John is court ordered to pay her an amount every month so that she can survive since during the marriage he was supporting her. You aren't married to her, this financial dependence you've created isn't legally tied together like a marriage would be. Alimony doesn't even happen in every divorce.
Child support is for a person to pay for THEIR OWN child. Children cost a lot of money, and the parents are the primary responsibility to pay for the child's well being. If the parents are not living together then child support exists so that both legal parents are still financially responsible (you aren't a legal parent of her child). If custody is equal split that usually offsets a financial payment. One detail is that if both parents are paying child support then both parents have rights to see the child. Maybe she doesn't want him to pay so that he will stay away, maybe he doesn't make any recordable income, maybe she feels threatened by him.
What did she do before you came along? Is the baby only 11 months old? Why exactly is she not making him pay child support? How did this snowball into you paying for all her expenses? It's not a bad thing that you do, it's just that she knows that she's dependent on you. Help her be independent instead of just planning to be her bank account. It starts by addressing why her ex isn't paying child support, it's his duty (unless she would rather keep him away, but still his duty). Then look into any government funds she can use, there might be programs that help single mothers pay for food/housing.
But think about this: who did you run to when you were in need? Clearly not your gf.
So the not so ex gets the mentally ill, liar, and cheater you. Then when things are looking up again you run back to the gf.
You know what? I think you should choose your gf, you deserve each other. Just don't come back here crying in a couple of years because this young sexy thing baby trapped you and is sucking you dry.
I'm not saying your ex is perfect, but man she deserves better than being treated like this. I feel sorry for her, and for your kids with you for their father.
That's true. So…good luck!
Stop going to their events. The way they issue their invitations is disrespectful to you and your time too, as well as your boyfriend. If it’s inconvenient or implausible for either of you, don’t go.
They keep doing it because you keep letting them.
Either she really doesn't remember, or she's lying saying she doesn't remember. Unfortunately trust is questionable right now, it's time for a conversation
Toxic masculinity is a baaaaad thing to be taught growing up. It literally takes me being racked with grief to start crying, it aint fun being unable to let out emotions when needed because you got taught that “men dont cry”.
I’m laughing that you think you’ve got better relationship advice than your husband, meanwhile you’re pouring gas on your marriage and lighting it on fire ???
That's true!! It's not necessarily about that. My anxiety is not even about being him, it's just telling me that I am blowing up his phone/that I am insane & I need a little outside perspective on that.
The Merchant Marines pays fairly well and allows people to travel all over the world. It's a great career, especially for younger unmarried people who want to save up and explore.
It's not her fault it's male dominated. So are lots of careers. She doesn't go to work to fuck. She's busy – you know, working. She can't control the actions of her male colleagues anymore than she can male strangers in the grocery store.
If you fear for her safety around a considerable amount of men on a confined ship, that's one thing. It doesn't sound like that's how you framed your point though. You made the issue cheating.
Proposing to someone you’re not even dating is literally insane lol
Why meet her. There’s nothing more to say. End of friendship she betrayed you. She was always attracted to Steven but it backfired on her.
Did Dave really said what she said about her and Steven or it was just what she wished for.
Why Steven was so adamant to delete the messages this is suspicious because he didn’t say anything bad she’s the one who wrote that she wanted him. Unless he was afraid Dave would be hurt by it If he saw them. How about Steven is he still going to stay friend with Dave? Will they meet up and is Daisy will be with her husband then.
You have to see about this boundary because the feelings she has with her husband will not fade. She might still be interested in him. Don’t give her any occasion to be with him.