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The year is not 1883.
I would assume, in most cultures, anyone who starts a relationship with a new person over the age of 25 is going to assume there’s baggage.
You need to ditch the guy in love with someone else and move on. Don't discuss it. Don't have sex with him. Just fetch any stuff at his place, block him and move on.
His friends warning that they are soul mates and should be together should have been the walk away clue, before you got involved. His bestie was warning you that the guy you think is your boyfriend believes she is is one.
You are a convenient bed warmer and placeholder and he is probably hoping it will spark her jealousy making her dump her boyfriend for him again.
When he said after 1 short month that he HAD to have HER in his life… you should have told him to f-off and walked away at that point. I have absolutely no idea why you stayed but you did.
?At this point, even the most hopeful optimist, which you clearly are, must concede this guy is never ever going to pick you. It will always be her.*
Please cut your losses and find someone who is not in love with another woman.
Yes. I asked him directly more than once
My first thought was why can't he log in on her account. Since she won't interact with anyone anyhow?
He's trying to play the mental health card to get you to stay, like oh she can't leave me for a mental health issue if I frame it as one! Please. If you are depressed you see a therapist, you don't get a hand job.
Get off social media and replace it with therapy.
While choice is your I think if you decide to stop pursuing her you should remain distant at most to her. You need to be able to get over her and move on, and it's done best with limited or no contact with source of your heartbreak. It isn't impossible for her to reconsider and change her mind on this. However you shouldn't let things (including her intentions) be uncertain anymore.
If you decide to keep pursuing, I can't tell you much, since I think this the wrong choice. Friendzone when you have feelings for someone is unhealthy.
You think softening the blow will make things better? No, you need to get your point across, or you will be forced to revisit this conversation.
Btw, assuming nothing changes, are you fine staying in sexless relationship? If not, you will need to be honest about it to her
This isn't up to you and honestly doesn't seem to be a relationship defining decision.
First, I love to run so I get that when you are sidelined it sucks on so many levels. I just finished 3 months of physical therapy and started running again. My husband likes me so much more. LOL. It really helps mental health.
People who document runs typically have their partner ride a bike alongside them to record the runs. Are you willing to do this for her? Partner takes a gopro or other camera and films.
What's kind of parallel to this is that he bought me a clarinet. I played as a child and was excellent. I honestly suck now. I've forgotten more than I remember, but I don't think he'd have a problem with me making videos if I want to.
Let her do what makes her happy. The more you pressure her to do what you want her to do the less likely she is to do it. It's treating her like a child and taking away her agency.
Here's how to lose weight..dump the guy! I sometimes feel like women need to say..”well I would prefer you taller” or something just as stupid. If he doesn't like you the way you are..tell him to piss off! He's not marriage material.
This guy showed you the life waiting for you with him :
housemaid
mommy to a lazy and filthy adult
caretaker of his elderly parents
if you get children, you will do all the work as well.
Why would you sign up for that ?
It’s not the same if done to a white person, the whole premise of racism is based upon a group viewed as and made to feel as less than, and that has obviously never happened to white people so kindly fuck off with your ignorant views
Thanks. And yea I can tell it is turning me in a bitter person. I feel so much more unhappier every day than I did before
huh? what are you looking for advice on?
I guess I just find it weird if he would do something out of the ordinary and I don’t like being lied to, although I’ve had no reason to suspect being lied to.
huh?
You “still love” who you thought he was , not who he's showing you to be. He is someone who multiple times has tried or succeeded in cheating on you. You're married so you're the only one he should be concerned about being attractive to and working on that.
Every time she says she's your mother in social media (or in person), point out that if she is, that your father is a pedophile who raped your mother when she was 13 or 14.
Say it enough, and maybe they'll get tired of it.
I'm sorry you lost your mother and that your father is an asshole.
Leave her now
Few key words stand out to me here; “never taken her wants and needs into consideration until it was crunch time” — that's a huge assessment to make from a single post. You don't know their history, what he's done to contribute to the relationship, and what trails and tribulations this couple has been through.
OP stated that marriage isn't a huge deal where they're from. So maybe what the BF wanted and needed was his own time to digest what she wants and needs and come to terms with it on his own. Everyone processes things differently and there's no set in stone timeframe for this to happen — especially with something as big as marriage.
From my interpretation, I agree that this is a weird reaction. “Too little, too late, but he's perfect and I love him, can't imagine being with anyone else” sounds weird to me too. It's like saying “he covers all the bases, has everything I want, but it's not enough”. Idk, I kinda feel for the BF in this situation more than OP. It's like fighting an uphill battle every step of the way that simply can't be won. I want the BF's take on this, there's two sides to every story.
I think what's important is to say that you struggle with eye contact. Be open about your insecurity to your partner.