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No guy wants to be your friend. Zero.
Calling the police in situations like this is really not a good idea. Police don't know how to deal with mental health crises, they aren't trained for it. Situations can easily escalate and has resulted in death. I think you would have better luck calling a crisis hotline.
Elinor didnโt know she was having an affair with a married man, and the husband told them both he would tell his wife. Their responsibility isnโt to her, his (the husbands) is.
Tell me youโve been cheated on with out telling me youโve been cheated on.
You told him not to get you a gift and he didnโt. He believed you when you said that. Heโs not a mind reader. But if you continue further lower your expectations unless youโre willing to tell him how you feel. Some guys are sweet and already know this stuff. Heโs not one of them.
That is the problem. You don't trust her yet. These situations make a statement. Even as a friend we need validation when someone says is trustworthy. Time and experience make a relationship stronger. For advice, i will say that you are not in the right mind right now. If you feel anxious you will do something you regret later on. For that is better to calm down write what you feel and then speak with her.
The idea of strangers did cross our mind but the both of us couldnโt agree on it, we just felt there was more risk to it doing that. But the friend part is not the worst as we donโt see her very often, she lives a good few hours from us and neither us nor her make the trek to each others homes very often unless we have some sort of planned event like a convention or like Christmas last year. So we have somewhat of a nice distance between us
Though thatโs what worries me, if we all do agree, Iโd hate for the friend or my Gf to have hated it or the friend have only agreed cause it was us and it just become Awkward between us all, so I wanna make sure she is before I do agree but feel like if I ask, the GF will think Iโm trying to say no without saying it
Oh absolutely it could be. But weโre weird on that one, we agree itโs something that us two feel super connected on and letting someone else in is something that we both have never experienced, but our pleasure swaps from being an intimate experience only us two should have to just being a way to get off and it varies, so I donโt know if this would affect it or how much/little it would in the long run.
I think the point they were trying to make is that your sympathy for your abuser, caused in part by his own gaslighting of you, will lead to your death. Your abuser has an anger issue. That is his issue, not yours. Don't let him gaslight you into walking into your own death because you feel it might be your fault or he might be a victim. Everybody here knows the statistics. We know if you stay you will die. We know it. It's very hot to see a situation like this and not feel anger and frustration on your behalf. None of us want to see anyone but you make an update, and we all want to see that update say you are safe and he no longer knows where you are.
My mother was almost killed by her abuser. He beat her so badly my grandparents didn't recognize her in the hospital. This happened a decade before I was born, and I'm almost 40. My mom still has inner ear issues.
Please protect yourself. Take self defense classes, get a good therapist, find hobbies and friends. Look into pepper spray laws by you (I on-line in bear country now, no restrictions, your mileage may vary). Learn how to shoot even if you never buy a gun. Talk to your self defense teacher when you get one, have them show you the breaks for someone strangling you. Your life is about you now, not your abuser.
Not right now, no. But it has not always been that way and I didn't talk about the good parts of the relationship because that's not what I need advice about. I just want to know if there is a way to work through this issue.
he no longer follows the same religion as me, which makes me wonder how we would raise our children.
Sit him down and talk about it. Religion is one among many top dealbreakers, hence, it's important to regularly check-in with each other to make sure that you're still on the same page. Even if you don't share the same faith, it doesn't automatically mean that you're incompatible.
I feel like Iโve missed out on gaining my own independence apart from marriage. Iโm not free to move to another city with better options for my career, for example.
Have you ever considered working on your codependency with a therapist? Yes, right now, you can't just move away as you like, however, there's always the option to sit down with your partner, and see where the future can take you.
He begs you to come back because he doesn't like being alone. He wants to feel loved. Having you around helps with that. But since he doesn't really care about you and doesn't see you as his equal, but more of a side character in his own life, he does what HE wants even if it means disrespecting you.
And since you always cave, he learns that he can always beg his way back. Ghe fact that you broke up and then were upset with him going to a strip club says a lot. You hoped breaking up would make him do a grand gesture of love so that you would feel valued and thus things would get better
So, you know this about her side:
The only times she reached out were to ask if sheโs making the right choice ending things now and that she missed me and this is so nude.
And you have this on your side:
I tried to fight for the relationship whenever we were deciding if we should break.
I do truly love her and overall the relationship wasnโt toxic at all.
It sounds like there is some regret both ways and potential to work things out.
If that is what you want (working things out)… does it really matter who makes the first move to reconnect?
Just get out there and present the idea. Both of you could be sitting around waiting for the other person to reach out. Enough time apart, eventually someone is going to accept this is done for good. By then the door is closed and congrats, you two missed the boat.
Don't worry about who needs to reach out first to put it into motion. Just go do it if its what you want.
โI like him a lot but this is taking a toll on my mental health. I donโt want to constantly be worried. I donโt want to ride an emotional rollercoaster. I just want a stable relationship. I know I will find someone else if I let myself.โ
I cut off your last sentence, but girl, print this and put it on your bathroom mirror. Internalize it. Youโre putting up with behavior you know is bad and you know you donโt deserveโfor what? Some mediocre dick from a guy who breaks up with you, on average, almost every other month? Thereโs no way heโs worth this much trouble when youโve been together under a year.
Take his latest breakup as a blessing and move on.
Iโd ask her if she always abstains from sex during lent. If she does, then no, sheโs not manipulating you – she is following her religion in a way that makes sense to her and sheโs being consistent in her following of her faith. Itโs up to you to decide if you are okay with that. If not, then you two arenโt compatible.
If she says this is the first time sheโs decided to abstain from sex as part of her practice of her faith, then it could be manipulation, though Iโm not sure for what benefitโฆ if she enjoys sex with you, why would she want to give up sex? What would be the purpose? Is she trying to coerce you into doing/not doing something and you think she is weaponising abstinence to enact change in you?
Youโve let him know when is good to meet.,heโs agreed. Now itโs his turn to text you with an actual plan to meet. If he doesnโt, then he doesnโt want to meet. Thereโs no need to text him back. Donโt pursue him, donโt chase him, donโt be clingy. Men like a challenge and if a man is interested, youโll know it. In the mean time, move on and focus on something else.
Do not marry him until you have been in therapy for a while.
Iโm sure thatโs the reason. I have said before that I wouldnโt want her hanging out with him. Sheโs agreed that she wouldnโt like it if she was in my situation.
It doesnโt help that my last relationship ended when I โsnoopedโ and found out she was cheating with a coworker. If it wasnโt for my snooping I would never have found out.
I'm sorry that you're struggling. You need to seek immediate psychological care.
The way you are thinking and behaving is not at all normal.
It's important that you end your relationship right away so that you do not continue to abuse this woman.
After a few years and a lot of treatment, you can think about dating again.
This relationship is clearly terrible for you. You should do whatever you need to do to cut contact, given that you don't seem able to maintain contact without resuming this horrible relationship dynamic.
Nope nope nope. Run
I'm sorry but you don't know what love is. Love is mutual respect, love is understanding, love is choosing your partner first. Your partner doesn't love you, and you love the idea of your partner, not the actual person. The actual person is just like your father. He didn't look past your baggage, he just confronted you with the biggest piece of baggage and cared nothing about your opinion.
You have to first learn what love is, and love is choosing your wife over traditions.
Maybe he canโt control his feelings but he can definitely control his actions and if runs across a room to talk to her and texts her constantly, those are controllable actions
This is great response
Oops, sorry for the confusion. You wrote, “This happened in the USA, right?” But this type of situation would vary from state to state. In some you could have officers show up at a house based on a phone call, and in other states the proof needed is much higher.