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u/bfjdhdjs, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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Iām definitely going to give him a chance since he hasnāt done me wrong in any way and genuinely seems like an amazing guy, but I think Iām gonna tread lightly if that makes sense. Happy to hear your relationship ended up being the real deal :))
Thank you for being understanding, although the rest of the comments are on her side (fair enough I may think).
To answer your question, we are in a long distance relationship, which makes it very hot to make plans because of a couple issues (money as the main one). We sure meet for our anniversaries, but not for the holidays and such (Easter, Christmas, New Year's, birthdays) as she spends them with her parents as a family tradition.
That means she isn't able to send much texts on these situations. My friends invited me and I accepted because I see friends every few months. If she were here irl, I would've talked about inviting her too, and I know my friends would've accepted it! I love including her in what I do if she feels comfortable joining me.
They are shitting on his gf and being flirty. If you don't tell them off, it's not being nice, it's entertaining their flirting.
You want your daughter to have a drug addicted abusive AH in her life?????? Get help. Call a domestic violence hotline and get some counseling. And resources. You really need help. You can do it, but it wonāt be easy.
Yeah heās not reacting in a particularly supportive way but he has a right to be upset too and itād be tough to know the person you love has to work with a sexual harasser day in and day out
Wow so frustrating I donāt know how people can put all that on someone. My husband can be annoying with certain things. Like his procrastination is insane. And then itās like I have to take on the worry/anxiety for two people. I literally have to make lists and sometimes Iāll dial the number he needs to call and just hand him The phone. Itās insane. Heās depressed too. And the more I think about it, im pretty sure he has adhd at least mildly. Post it notes everywhere. He doesnāt really get distracted though but the addiction and procrastination is getting worse
And thatās understandable, but part of that seems to be that he keeps coming back and that needs to be blocked for you to heal. You said the ātryingā is killing you, Iām saying the trying also needs to be cut, in order to heal there canāt be an opportunity to try. You said you still talk a lot over text, why? If heās not seeing the kids and Iām guessing not terribly concerned with doing so, what are you talking about with him?
This isnāt promising. But if you want to give it a go, can you ask him to create a specific action plan? Example: āI expect you need some time to think about our discussion. It was probably hard to hear. I appreciated you listening. I need to see your action too though. I really believe you can do this, even though it will be hard. When would you like us to sit back down to talk about an action plan? Iād like you to choose things you plan to take new action on or build new behaviors around.ā
Set a date. If he doesnāt do anything, you can insist on counseling to help him figure out a healthy action plan, or separation and ask him to choose.
At best, he has gotten complacent. At worst, this is always who he was and you are just now starting to notice it now that you don't have rose tinted glasses on.
If you see enough good in him to justify the effort, sit him down and have a come to Jesus talk. Honestly though, I wouldn't blame you a bit for cutting your losses. This sounds exhausting to deal with, and he is old enough to have learned better by now.