Elena (horny today) and Herb (busy today) the nude live sex chat with hottest babes with a hd cam
7K Share
Elena (horny today) and Herb (busy today), 99 y.o.
Location:
Room subject:
To Start live! video press there
On-line Live Sex Chat rooms Elena (horny today) and Herb (busy today)
">
You need to bite this bullet hard. It is not easy to break up but you two are not compatible.
Welp keep us updated please this is sus
Update, things have become more complicated. It was revealed to me(39m) that my friend (38f) is being abused by her bf. She called me last night in a panic upset. This is not like her. So I picked her up for dinner and for help with an errand that I needed help with anyway. So she could get away from the situation. She told me he (37m) threatened to shoot her and wants her out in 3 days. He doesn't work, so how is he going to pay rent? I have no idea. But if her family won't help her, she knows she will be safe here. I'm keeping close tabs on her.
Best case she is failing to see how this ordeal has been taxing on you as well and only focus on her own feelings (want to be taken care of/doesn't want to care for).
It's her fault she lost her money and she did it after going straight against your sound advice. She should be happy you are not completely livid with her over losing her and your savings (regardless that she repaid them). Seeing she got herself straight into a loan scam she seem to be simply reckless.
Worst case? She is trying to tangle you up for more money.
The gentle thing is to let him know now so he has time to prepare. Leading him on as if you guys will be together and he can keep depending on you then drop a bomb on him is kinda fucked. Assuming he doesn’t react badly.
From your reply it seems that there is a difference in approach when it comes to disagreements in a relationship. It sounds as if he may get defensive & take it personally – rather than seeing it as a constructive conversation to strengthen the relationship.
You are both very young and still learning how to navigate relationships. It’s up to you what you want for yourself. Communication is so important in EVERY type of relationship. It’s important to be and feel heard and respected.
What do you value in a relationship? What is your ideal relationship look like? How would you deal with disagreements? How would you handle hardships together?
Personally, I would then speak to him again. I know you have and I’m sure you are so exhausted of the same things – I always give it another attempt. (Even though most people didn’t deserve it ?) I would put it all out there and explain how you are both upset at the problem and not each other. Share with him how you are feeling about his reactions and responses to you.
If it’s the same thing – you have really think if this is what you want.
No one is perfect but there are fundamental things needed to make a relationship successful and worth while.
It’s not easy what you are going through ❤️ I hope I helped and made sense. ?
From your reply it seems that there is a difference in approach when it comes to disagreements in a relationship. It sounds as if he may get defensive & take it personally – rather than seeing it as a constructive conversation to strengthen the relationship.
You are both very young and still learning how to navigate relationships. It’s up to you what you want for yourself. Communication is so important in EVERY type of relationship. It’s important to be and feel heard and respected.
What do you value in a relationship? What is your ideal relationship look like? How would you deal with disagreements? How would you handle hardships together?
Personally, I would then speak to him again. I know you have and I’m sure you are so exhausted of the same things – I always give it another attempt. (Even though most people didn’t deserve it ?) I would put it all out there and explain how you are both upset at the problem and not each other. Share with him how you are feeling about his reactions and responses to you.
If it’s the same thing – you have really think if this is what you want.
No one is perfect but there are fundamental things needed to make a relationship successful and worth while.
It’s not easy what you are going through ❤️ I hope I helped and made sense. ?
So there's a couple of possibilities here,
Both he and your old BF may have gotten nervous because your unwillingness to move in represents inflexibility on your part. I can't speak for them, but I would never enter into a binding legal contract with someone if I couldn't make sure I was going to enjoy living with them first. Especially with all the stories I read about both sexual and financial bait and switch relationships. Your current BF might feel pressure to be a typical “man” and not being able to provide certain things (house, ring, etc) could make him feel extremely insecure. I would just go ask a person if they don't want to get engaged anymore or if they're having second thoughts. You're adults. If you can't have an honest conversation about this stuff (rather than having internet strangers guess at it) then that doesn't bode well… but it does seem very common, so what do I know.
Y’all simply don’t have the relationship experience to know how to argue and/or resolve issues. Counseling would be a tremendous help. Let the counselor know you are both inexperienced at dating and relationships and need some help learning how to be in one. You both need to learn compromise, difficult discussion/avoidance skills, de-escalation, and seeing each other.
When I hear gaming I assume someone that plays many hours a week. This simply doesn’t work in a relationship. It’s almost like having a mate over all the time and it effectively blocks time you could spend with her
I mentioned that idea and asked her what was her job and her reply was to be a good girlfriend. But I have heard that statement before it isn’t the first time she brought it up to me. Mind you I put 110% into the relationship and I feel like I try my best to always prioritize.
But when it comes to planning dates I feel like it is 50\50 we both have input on the activities when we go out. I personally feel like from my observation she is the kind of person to want to control the situation. But we have been together for almost 2 years now. And at the end of the conversation when it was dying down she mentioned something to me which it was kind of out of left field and blamed it on her intrusive thoughts.
I'm having trouble seeing comments for some reason. I get the notification and i can read it there but I can see actual comments.
Yep. I was told I was infertile in my early twenties. My husband and I always planned to adopt. However, ended up having two biological kids so clearly was still able to have them!
Oh god, girl. Leave him now and save the dog.
You should break up with him. He’s an ass. Has an unspoken one dick policy and he WILL cheat on you. He sees you getting some as a betrayal but him getting some as natural. This mindset will bleed into your relationship
Don't cultivate this type of relationship with coworkers. I've made similar mistakes. Coworkers are not and should not be friends.
Anything of a criminal TV show nature over PG content could be possible.
It's a good life lesson on research. It's also an app on the phone. Fast, easy.
You could also research if it's popular or unpopular and avoid someone with poor taste on content.
I have got recordings of him admitting it basically but he also told me that if I called the cops he was gonna tell them I stole from him too….which I obviously did not and it was a threat but I didn’t get that on recording..
Find someone you're compatible with. These issues would be deal breakers for some
You literally said in your post that don't know her well, and didn't even know she was on your team… now you have a relationship with her? It feels like you WANT to be involved in this drama.
??♂️
I dont know if I'm reading right or not, but I read he saw her at 2am but the assault happened(that she said) it was midnight.
The guy could have assaulted her after they left the bar of the footage OP mentioned or so. That still doesn't make sense to me that she is lying. I'm also multi-tasking so I could be missing something.
What is this let? You say it’s over and block him. End of story
TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND PARENTS WHAT IS HAPPENING- LISTEN TO YOUR FRIENDS!! GROW A BACKBONE DO NOT GO SEE HIM ANYMORE CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER DELETE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA AND CREATE NEW ONES BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK
HE CANNOT TELL YOU HOW TO FEEL HE CANNOT FORCE YOU TO STAY HE CANNOT SAY YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BREAK UP WITH HIM HE SOUNDS MANIPULATIVE AND CREEPY… ugh do you know why he is dating you? A much younger woman? Because a woman his age won’t put up with his garbage. You don’t have the experience an older woman would have… not your fault btw.
GET A RESTRAINING ORDER ON HIM YOU NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF
I hope you take all the advice from all the people here seriously.
This!
Sure, getting drunk will totally make everything better. Very grownup thinking.
Work on your self esteem
Would add that if you think things can get physical don’t do it alone or without evidence. Pack her things and kicks her out. Make sure to do it legally in case she is in the lease. Decide what type of witness you want there, from family, friend or police. Don’t take any chances. Women in a corner can get vindictive and make up a whole lot of stuff. Be careful and do t take this lightly.
Thank you.
Never belive in bullshit like this.
So some dude is hitting on your so called gf and she said she had to sleep with him in one bed.
Ffs. Stop being a doormat, grab your balls and leave this joke that you call relatniship.
Unless you like when someone else is fucking your gf.
Op said many times that his crime was fraud.
This does not seem to be an intelligent woman. Save yourself further heartache and headache and find someone more aligned with your own values, goals, and experiences.
I'm Filipino. You fucked up majorly and honestly good for your daughter cutting you off
There's a difference between watching porn and what he's doing
It sounds like the friend is causing the issues. After a year and a half, why is she still friends with him when he’s obviously been disrespectful to you? Of course you are leaving before he can harass you further!
It sounds like she’s done nothing to help the situation. Not sure if he’s immature because he’s still a kid or jealous of you but I don’t see anything wrong with how you’re handling it, just her inaction and allowing you to be treated poorly by her “friend”.
Absolutely every man in this story is terrifying. I truly hope this is a made-up story.
… from what op has said, she saw no red flags before the pregnancy. That’s also common, many partners change after conception.
You leave dude. That’s how you deal with it.
You’ve made your position clear… and she’s made clear that she doesn’t give a shit. Leave and find someone who has respect for your relationship.
Give him space. If you need more then leave. He’s completely into you but you sound very incompatible for each other.
We were already talking about sacrifice and compromise in relationships. And I am a full believer in seen things from my partners perspective. I never said I didn't understand her standpoint, it that she doesn't understand my standpoint that I asked the question here.
Look at their post history, this isn't a new thing. Op has a lot of things they need to work on in therapy.
Wait your husband threatened your family to kill them all if you call off the wedding and you still haven't left him yet? Contact the police and let them know.. just in case anything happens they know who the suspects are.
Thinking that you can be friends with your ex a few months after a breakup is insane. I don't know the reason for you two breaking up, but he was in love with you and that feeling is like an addiction that takes time to heal and you don't let him do that. Is it his fault too for maintaining contact with you when he needs time apart from you to get over it.
On top of that, you introduce a new boyfriend to him letting him know that you are over it when he is in a bad spot mentally. You have the right to be with others i'm not denying that, but right now what he needs is to take time apart from you. You can't force him to be friends, if you want to be friends in the future maybe it will go great, but each person heals differently, and right now is not the moment.
Isn’t my concern that she’s acting unpredictable (or unstable) worthy of attention? Do my needs not matter as a partner? My need to be with someone that acts consistent and doesn’t randomly wake up and buy a dog because they happened to scroll through Facebook?
You need to move to therapy. It's not normal to give those actions so much thinking and making a world out of things that are insignificant for other people.
I know it's not her fault. It's just the whole situation sucks. She wanted us to move, she basically tells me I'm overreacting and it'll be fine, yet nothing has changed. If anything it's almost worse, aside from the first month. I do love her but I'm sick of her just saying to ignore it and acting like it's so easy when she's not the one constantly accused of being a threat.
Maybe look into birth control?
She’s disgusted in me.
She now saying she wants non monogamous relationship.
Time to exit
If individuals actually behaved the way people on Reddit claimed the world would be a better place. That’s why the brother deserves the praise because what he did was a difficult thing to do.
Pros – great sex. Cons – everything else. Literally.
Someone is in desperately need for the Nike Running Awards prize: a good pair of running shoes.
I thought the same thing when reading this post. It can be very hot for these people to read social cues. I just found out my daughter is neurodivergent.
INFO: Is there a reason you’re concerned? Do you believe your friend was not professional during the photo shoot?
Tell her that while you appreciate the general thought of doing something nice for you, that fact that she thought it would be okay to have a friend take them, and to take naked photos as well (most boudoir shoots don’t go that far) is wrong.
Don’t worry about her feeling bad, she didn’t think about it when she got a friend to take these pictures of her.
You tell her that she needs to call him, and ensure he deletes all copies of those photographs.
She then needs to seriously think about what she did, and explain herself.
Form what you said in your post (that you were shocked at the gift) this is not something that you are okay with in general, not something that you have spoken about previously, and not something you thought your wife would do.
At the very least she has damaged the trust in the relationship, and she needs to start rebuilding it.
My grandmother was my flower girl and it was beautiful. I’ve even seen flower bros, it doesn’t have to be a small child. The sister is weird, probably on a power trip, just roll with the punches and recast the roll.
You said you two shouldn't talk anymore, and he's agreed. You're the one who cut him off here, you don't get to decide “backsies” when it suits you.
You've said that twice now and it is so not the point, quit ignoring the rest of what everyone is writing.
She has her moments where she is and some where she’s not. Yesterday I got up with the pup and let her sleep in a little longer and I was on the couch and she came up to me and gave me a long hug and kiss and honestly it was the best feeling in the world. I just need her to show more of that.
Jeesh, i'm sorry but how much do you wanna be manipulated until you realize she's hella toxic. The only thing you should do is send her a text saying “You know what? scratch that. I won't be here when you want to talk. You always do this crazy insecure stuff, and i'm sick and tired of it. Get help, get therapy and get mentally healthy. Maybe then you'll be a better girlfriend to your future boyfriend, because i am done.”
No trip and no gift is worth beeing treated like that. Have some self respect.
A lot of women don't share last names with the children and they seem to be able to bond just fine for fucks sake. That's not a real reason at all
OP he's manipulating you, and sadly you seem to be going for it. The waterworks, the love-bombing, the causing you to doubt what is going on with him, and in turn doubting your common sense and intuition.
There is no positive end to this. And you are right, he isn't going to agree to this. Not for very long anyways. This story has played out many times before. Think about it, wouldn't you be terribly exhausted from a mental standpoint having to play FBI or probation officer to what is supposed to be your partner just to make sure his dick is where he says it is?
You deserve to be living your best life, because time waits for none of us. This isn't it.
I like the idea and it might work. But even if she uses a vpn or something to hide who she is, I'm pretty sure the ex still knows who told her.
I would totally act sick and just ghost and never speak to him again. Can you move? I'd hate to on-line in a town where the person I'm dating is a cop w all my personal information. They are scary. Especially the small town ones.
I should have started when I was a teen so I could have a virgin. Now i have to deal with these that msg in dating? If i’m dying a virgin ong
Of course you feel bad about yourself and for her.
This is horrible. And it exists, in all of its agony because of her actions. Part and current.
Keep moving forward. Protect your kids first
Why not. Dads a better parent
Call the police and press animal abuse charges.
And leave before he beat you to a pulp too.
One of the solutions I have is getting rid of my smartphone and replacing it with a analog one. That thing has way to many distractions for me and I hate how it nested itself into every aspect of my life. I hate how they've become so normal in everyday life. For example I need whatsapp for my work for the planning otherwise I don't know which buildingsite to be on. The app me and my partner communicate on is whatsapp also. So even if I don't want to open a message to prevent me from feeling to contact her I get triggerd by the workgroup or the co-housing group. Another idea I had is to move out so we have more time apart, we've actually talked about it.
Potentially, but I really hope son gets therapy because this situation is very messed up.
It really is.
I'm a parent, it's true things happen and last minute cancelation are a thing. It has never made it impossible for me to send a quick message to appolgize and cancel. It's the leat that he can do. Frankly, having kids or not it's disrespectful and I wouldn't put up with it. You deserve better than that.
Yeah sure but not everyone wants to marry someone who cries over everything and is emotionally immature and can’t process feelings without bursting into tears like a baby.
It's a bot.
So why do you expect her to?
No.
He has you blocked for a reason.
No
You forgot to include the vampires
Probably to trap him
Mate put a TLDR I cannot poo for that long at work
Dude a couple months isn’t a long time ago. She told him she was preggers on Xmas day
Is it possible he's even scared of making the first step after I've made it quite clear I'm into him?
Is your question about the fight or about the sleepover?
Resolve sleepover first, then address his parent comment.
First sleepovers are a big deal. I understand your concern being away. Your parents see her often. Cancel the trip, allow her to go to sleepover while you are close by, at home, in case she needs you.
The. See a marriage counselor I’d you can’t reasonable resolve dispute
Stop talking to him. Not mysterious.
Agreed 100%
I’ve been a runner for the last 6-7 years and up until last year my husband had zero interest in my running. He was supportive in that he never tried stopping me, never talked down about it, but he didn’t really care. I’ve done a dozen half marathons and 2 marathons and he’s come to some of those at my request (and brought the kids so they were at the finish line waiting for me) but the vast majority of the races I’ve done he hasn’t come to. But honestly it’s never bothered me. As long as he didn’t disparage my hobby, it’s never bothered me if he wasn’t interested in any part of it. Running is just one of those things I think, if you’re not a runner, you could not care less about it.
He actually just started running last year and now he’s all up in my running business haha. I love it, but at the same time sometimes I miss running alone in peace all the time!
He loves drama and caused it at your expense. This guy is a POS.
Curious… why do you ask him to come? I’ve been married a long time, and done a ton of races. My wife has been to a single one, just to have the kids see it and because it ran within a block of the house.
For the rest… that is weird. It’s like asking why someone would do ANYTHING in a group rather than alone. Also why does he care? It’s your hobby, not his. My wife has hobbies that I’m not into. I’m happy she is happy with them, and would never think to criticize HOW she enjoyed her hobby.
Love languages are essentially just personal preferences better defined and explained by the community at large as tools to help people/couples communicate how they prefer to give and receive affection. Can you tell me preferences don't exist because I can't measure them? And you could theoretically measure an individual's preference for one thing over another, but nobody has the time or resources to study and or expose people to every possible situation/stimulus known to mankind. So to take a more generalists approach, sociologists boiled down all those things into different “boxes”, which are essentially the different “love languages”. Disputing what the different preferences are is one thing I could understand, but refuting they “exist” altogether is just illogical, or a difference of definition.
I think you are looking for a reason to be upset at her this is not about any of this really cause it happened 2 years ago, and it's honestly not that big of a deal like you keep repeating you weren't exclusive, so why are you really upset with her, you need to figure that out.
Obviously I care that my sister isn’t talking to me.
He isn’t being sneaky. He asked you on a date, probably because he likes you & is trying to get an idea if he can kiss you on the first date or what you’re comfortable and not comfortable doing.
Your the snake for going on a date for free food & entertainment.
Also if you have to go on a date for free food & entertainment. You probably need to take a good look at your life & see what is missing…
The red flag here is you
How long have you been on “delivered”?
Men can definitely have an easier time with that than women.
It happened before you were together, it's in his past and it doesn't mean he's a “bad” guy, but that he may think of sex differently than you do and neither of you would be wrong. If that difference is going to cause continuing negative feelings, it would be better to end it than to let something from his past to creep into your relationship.
No. Stop. Don't.
I mean this with all the love in my heart: you're not “mature for your age.” That is a common manipulation tactic and I'm sure you're a great person, but this will not end well for you.
Man I’m sorry. At least you figured it out now and not years down the line.
so he's obviously not a decent person when it comes down to it.
That's a bold call. I don't agree with cheating but it doesn't eliminate all the good that someone can be throughout their lives. Even cheaters can be “good” people – just maybe not so much with the whole fidelity thing.
We are not talking about “some things” we are talking about period blood. Not sure why the felt need to highlight period blood is gross. Imo not a useful addition to my comment.
Is it possible that he is bipolar? This sounds like the maniac stage of manic depressive disorder
Maybe your sister's bf is using the texts as an excuse to break up? You could try talking/texting him with your sister's permission to apologise. I don't know that that would do it but at least it would clear your conscious.
You also have to look at yourself as ell as your sister's relationship dynamic with boyfriends. It sounds like you were projecting your issues onto her and her bf. So you and your sister both have issues with choosing the wrong guys. And maybe therapy for this would help you both. Best to you.
My dad was like this (although he would also blow up in anger) and having to tiptoe around someone emotionally my entire life has landed me with years in therapy. I’m 28 and still haven’t fully worked through the ways it has affected me. It is no way to live!
If you press charges tell him he can post about his trial and GET MORE FANS. What a friggin douchebag.
I've known her for almost 4 years so we have quite the history, I care for her and want her to be happy. I've discussed with her that if I were in a relationship that I wouldn't like having an emotional partner and a seperate sexual partner. She and her bf are not quite sure yet on what to do. He experienced those sexual frustrations before but she haven't so that makes her more unsure.. I told her that I'm willing to help but not at the cost of people getting hurt and losing our friendship.
You made a serious mistake moving in together with someone who has the severe mental illness of hoarding disorder.
It is HIGHLY unlikely he will change, unless he acknowledges his problem and seeks psychotherapy. Even then, there's no guarantee the therapy will work.
You cannot fix this by trying to clean it up. You will find yourself arguing with him about saving year-old receipts for items he no longer owns, or listening to him tell you he plans to fix that broken lamp and sell it on ebay.
You will never be comfortable and happy in your home, because he will continue to bring rubbish into your house.
I strongly recommend you do whatever is necessary to move out as soon as possible.
Your mental health will worsen in this environment.
You don't have to break up, but you should not try to share a home with him.
I know you just moved in together, but do not “try to make it work” or “try to find balance” with a person afflicted with hoarding disorder. They do not have the ability to “meet you part-way.”
They value their accumulated, disorganized stuff far more than they care about how unhappy it makes you.
You need to find another place to online and move out.
I think she's making a mature decision about putting her mental health first. However, its not very reasonable to expect that you two can seamlessly shift into being just bff's. Considering you love her romantically, i dont think that'd be wise to try to do rn. You two would either slip back into a romantic relationship that she isnt ready for or you'd stay “friends” while you pine away for her leading to heartache and resentment.
At this point, i think your best move would be to tell her that you respect her decision, wish her the best, and say that you need some time to resolve your feelings for her before trying to be her friend.
I wasn't even aware of attachment styles until recently and didn't think I had an insecure one until this relationship. Trust me, if I knew this was my attachment style I'd have gotten it resolved first. A lot of the stuff I experienced as a kid I buried deep down. I'm only now realizing how bad of a situation it was.
I mean he just sounds embarrassed and inexperienced
Why can’t you save in your account and you both just do a monthly check in to stay up to date on how much you’ve each saved?
Or is his idea that he saves nothing from his check but just “saves” from yours?
not to mention finding 12 dudes willing to be filmed doing this.
Not saying it's easy but I can tell from experience it can be done and it's not THAT difficult.
That said, I do not believe this story is real either. Just saying gangbangs are arranged outside of porn more often than one might think.
On Reddit?
Since everyone is saying for the wife to go to an obgyn, I’ll hit another possibility. Have you been losing weight? Specifically losing fat? You can gain some (usually not a ton) of length when y or lose fat. You get rid of that cushion around the base, and maybe that’s distorting her feelings and making her question.
It’s prolly what they are saying tho.
I’m not about to break up with them over this.. it’s not that serious. I’m looking for advice on how to get through it
There's no need to ever discuss marriage with him again. He's clearly stated his position, the ever moving 5 years.
First you need to decide if bf is someone you'd stay in a LTR with for 30 years and no wedding.
If you're that intent to have a wedding, you probably need to move on. He's pretty content with his life and isn't ready for a major change.
If you get some heat
Stay off social media and it will be fine.
Why are the kids going no contact with you after they leave for college?
Ya the grown ass man got tricked into going back to his exes and taking his dick out and sticking it in her. How tf people make men victims in these senarios I’ll never know
These comments are… weird. 1. Only YOU know the right choice about having this baby. 25 is not “too young”. If you feel confident in your decision to have a child – yay, congrats! 2. Hooking up with an ex doesn’t make you a predator who took advantage of him. Pretty normal. Congrats on the sex 3. Ya gotta just tell him ASAP so you can all figure out how to move forward. It doesn’t matter whether or not he cheated on her – that’s not your job to figure out. Everyone just needs all the info 4. I hope everything works out for you! Xo
If you're not going to break up with her for that hurtful feeling she has (she definitely has felt this way the whole time), you should probably break up with her for getting black out drunk to the point she can't remember things. Not exactly a great quality to have.
And relationships fail because people say shit when drunk? We stating the obvious now?
I appreciate your response, but we’re not married, I’ve been very specific about not wanting to be his girlfriend and I’ve been open at every point about how I feel and what I want. I know that most guys aren’t going to support it, I’m just saying he’s not right for me if he can’t cope with what I want.
Absolutely not. Finish school. Get good jobs. Get married. Buy a house. Then have as many babies as you want.
Your gf says she can take care of baby? Yeah with what money? How will you feed the baby? What will the baby wear? Where will the baby sleep. Oh yeah and it’s not just a baby, it’s an entire human you have to take care of for the rest of your life. Absolutely not.
Tell your gf to get her head out of her ass.
Personally I wouldn’t.
Bf now has the opportunity to earn a referral bonus from someone he gets hired. Would he then have to give OP a cut for referring him in the first place?
To be honest, I couldn’t date someone who doesn’t have their license. I refuse to have the responsibility of driving everywhere on me causing wear and tear to my vehicle.
I’m not judging that he doesn’t have his license (I didn’t get mine until I was 19 and my sister was nearly 30 before she got hers) but I have dated guys who didn’t have their license and it sucked. They only used me for rides.
I wouldn’t waste my time driving all that way only to be told “I’m not ready yet”. It’s a waste of time and gas and I know that gas still hasn’t gone back down in a lot of places.
I think your wife is operating under the assumption that all her dad needs to do is see the child and all his prejudices will disappear. Sadly I think she's going to learn the nude way that isn't the case
But I don’t want to hurt her. I didn’t know it was me I don’t know what I’m doing. But I really like her and I hate myself for feeling this way about her. I just want to encourage her to be healthy. And want to find a way to accept her for what she is when being healthy. I don’t have expectations. I just have desires I can’t control. But I think she’s so beautiful.
Most of us have had it.
You can get it through kissing.
Most of the time it is completely benign, rarely it causes cancerous cells.
Cancer is not a communicable disease.
Please educate yourself.
I used to go while at the office (unpaid lunch but salary), and I went religiously. Then you could go with her as bonus time.
?????
He probably has a significant other. That he lives with. Not worth the stress. Ditch him and find somebody willing to actually put in some effort.
I am so sorry that you were cheated on before as I know how hurtful betrayal feels like. been there done that.
Most of us Redditiors have experienced the pain of most issues posted & most of us giving the advise to help to at least ensure no regrets as time is the only thing given by God that cannot be reversed.
At 21 you should be enjoying your career, your successes, your lovely time with family & friends, not being burden by such betrayal. Never allow anyone to disrespect you especially your love, your heart & your soul.
Loyalty, respect, love & honor are base ground to any relationship. If you don't give & receive the same then its time to leave.
You deserve a better life & a better man OP.
Let’s say you’re right. He’s an adult. He can use his words. I feel like you’re creating a narrative with facts that we weren’t given.
Get over what? You broke up with her. Her friends don’t need to stay in your life, you shouldn’t care what’s she’s up to, let alone convincing yourself she’s desperate to win you back.
You should be moving on with your own life.
After 4 years of compromising there should be few things that need to be fixed. But, not so. That is probably because it's the same things over and over again. She didn't change her mind. Two weeks ago she said she loved you because it was the easiest thing to say at the moment. The truth is that she didn't have the strength to speak her mind then. Face it. It's over and time to move on.
Who cares. You need to get out. Stop making excuses. It will be hot and scary but most things worth having are. I mean it's up to you. On-line a life you hate or fight for one you want. You are strong enough you just need to find that courage.
Her whole personality isn’t healthy nor mature so why in the world do you think there’s a way to make the friendship that?
Have you tried posting about it a dozen times?
They weren’t paraphrasing he said exactly that and it was childish. Looking at a guy doesn’t make me or anyone a hoe. His and my feelings wouldn’t be the same because I feel like he would leave for someone breathing in my direction now. Anytime things get hard it feels like he would just be gone. That’s not healthy. I did fuck it up but that’s not something that you break up over. I’ve never done that before so it’s not a regular thing. I’m not saying it was okay. I know I was wrong and did something hurtful. At the end of the day I still wanted to be with him and didn’t want anything from nor approach the other dude.
It happened about 6 months into our relationship. It’s possible she wasn’t made aware. BUT his twin brother who knows of me was also on that trip and his twin brothers wife who is a friend of mine was also on that trip. So multiple people outside of my bf were on that trip who knew we were together and they’re all friends. I find it naked to believe she didn’t know
So are you supposed to wait while she finds herself in the hopes that once she finds herself she figures out that she was already happy amd wants to go back to what she left? That seems unlikely.
Sorry, but I think it's over.
In an actually loving relationship, it truly is the thought and intention that counts. But your girlfriend doesn’t fall into that category. She is much more superficial because it isn’t the fact that you put so much thought and care into this occasion that mattered to her, it’s the actual material items that you bought that matters to her. She is beyond shallow, greedy and ungrateful
You’re doing a lot and she should be grateful. However are these things you know she likes? Or that she’s asked for? It doesn’t matter how much you spend or what you plan if those aren’t things she enjoys or wants. Does that make sense?
This.
Reading between the lines I think it's likely more about trying to protect her kids from the kind of heartache of being replaced by a new family, and locking down his emotional and financial commitment to them, more than it is about his commitment to her.
Didn't have to read all that to make my conclusion: the answer is no.
Fuck that, she’s not a veterinarian, she can’t say what’s right when you have had multiple pets before she came around, leave her and take the dog.
Why can't he just sell any property and split all assets between you and your brother? What is there to pick and choose?
Yes
A helpful answer seems very contingent on a bunch of information we don't have. Is this guy only seeing you, or does he have a girl for every day of the week? Is he dependent on his parents, or busy taking care of them? If he's driving, how expensive is an hour of gas (each way) where you on-line?
If a couple is done having kids I always support the guy getting a vasectomy. Way less invasive of a surgery, and reversible (99.9%). Health issues not withstanding, it is a lower burden on the relationship for a vasectomy than a hysterectomy.
It sounds like you haven't decided you're done having kids which, fair enough, your body your choice. This does tell her that you are largely not back as a couple though, as you guys are disagreeing on an extremely fundamental thing. Again, fair, you are separated. But that's how it looks.
I would recommend telling her your relationship has not improved enough to be talking about this seriously right now, as you are unsure of your future.
But for the love of God do not tell her to get her tubes tied as a clapback. You can suggest that right now, you are too separated to be making joint decisions on reproduction and so if she is done having kids that is her personal decision to handle. I also think she kind of overstepped asking you for it too, though it sounds like she had more of an angle of telling you a way to show your investment in your relationship, and I think that is fair to communicate but not expect.
I will cut her off.
You fell asleep in his room you nonce
I'm a woman and I get it. You want to feel worthy and feel like you have some sort of a status, we'll that's what my BFF told me before he married his now wife, dated for 10 years. He was being pressured too not by her per se but by his family however, he held firm that he didn't want his wife to be the bread winner etc. When he became a “manager” he proposed. About a year into the marriage he was laid off from said job and struggled with employment and staying employed for years until he was able to finally start his own side hustle and eventually land a full-time job and grew in that company. Not to mention they had a child in between life happening.
Truth be told, my friend wasn't sure either but he was committed to their relationship. He is theist dedicated husband and father and now admits that he wouldn't trade his family for the world.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, If you're not ready or don't feel secure, let her go. Life isn't always point A-B it's a lot of A-Z to F-B etc.
Make sure you're sure and reassure her but building and trusting is paramount. They also had a wedding budget that they both put equal amounts of money into to save for the wedding. They are now happily married, kids, huge house etc and living their best lives.
Discuss how this made you feel with her, not us. Because people here will just say leave her. Which is terrible advice. But you should let her know her handling of you opening up to her is just as hurtful if not more hurtful than the bullying you experienced when young.
You’re here talking about issues specific to long distance. What about the issues that led to this?
Maybe she’s just insecure about her ovulation cycle.
Part of trust is giving benefit of the doubt unless you have a good reason
Yeah just break up, sooner the better
OP … god, where do I even start? He's been VERY CLEAR WITH YOU. He's not ready for it. You pushing him will not MAKE him ready for it. If you want someone who is farther along, MOVE ALONG.
If it were me, I would copy your file only to a flash drive, and then delete only the file with your name on it from his PC. My biggest worry would be him sharing those pics in future. I would also NEVER send him any more hard pics, or allow him to photograph you again. Because he also has naked pics of other women, that would be grounds for a break up to me. If he convinces you that he has no Ill intent towards those pics of you, you can let him upload them again from your flash drive.
Thank you… I'm so sorry you had to go through this too… it really sucks. No way we're getting back and I also don't want to be her friend or anything. Nor do I want to keep texting her or whatever. I just don't want to cut her off. As in block her number, socials etc. I'm not a vindictive kind of guy so I don't want to make her feel any more pain than she does already. I know she deserves to suffer like I do… yet I still don't want her to… She really seems to be suffering a lot from this. Probably her conscience kicked in, big time. So there's that.
If he has depression, he may not even understand it but I will tell you what a friend of mine said and it’s always been true. Sex is 10% of the relationship but when it goes bad it’s 90% of the reason why. He may not understand that himself.
If things are so good right now that may mean that you don’t know how he handles conflict, or if the two of you together can effectively communicate and work through major or minor issues. I’m not saying to intentionally cause conflict to test him, but you should know that you can handle that together before making a commitment to marriage.
I’m married. In my last job this guy hit on me several times a day every day regardless of the fact I am married or me telling him it was incredibly inappropriate.
Your girlfriend rejected this guy in the way she felt safest.
If a girl wants to date me, but I say not yet, then I flirt with her for months, tell her I have feelings for her, invite her over for movies and cuddles then we fall asleep holding eachother, and then I block her. And she posts this on reddit, all the comments would be calling me a fuck boy who's using her. But when it happens to a man he's a obsessed creep for not taking 'no' as an answer ??? please, I beg, reverse the roles and see if you feel the same way about what this guy typed
It's impossible to work things through with someone who won't take part in the process. She'll have to agree to ground rules to communication before you can communicate. Good luck, it's very frustrating.
Oh sorry no the call has already finished and we didn’t discuss a date actually
It's really common for Jewish people to be culturally, but not religiously Jewish. The heritage, values, and traditions are important, but they don't necessarily believe in a higher power.
If you aren't on board, then you aren't compatible. Maybe there is room for compromise on some things. But you never really know.
…. I am not usually petty with past flames but this is golden. ?❤
imagine never having to feel let down by her again, there is only one way for that to happen, it’ll be hot at first but the peace will be so worth it.
I love her, I know inside her is a very loving and caring person… she claims I’ve destroyed that person. She’s a good Mom and I don’t want to see our kids have to be split between parents. We do like to travel together and we like watching shows and movies together.. we don’t share a ton of common interests but that’s okay. Honestly I married her because she made me feel special and really loved. I miss that… and I miss her letting me be affectionate and loving with her. I mean the way she treats me you would think I was having an affair and beating her.. like she’s living in some type of Latin soap opera.. I have called her bad names in the past and now I will forever be a POS?
Damn Man, you literally couldn’t win. Now, i don’t think you can win. Good luck man.
Please have some self respect for yourself. He is a bum. He is not worth it. He literally brings nothing to the table, he doesn’t even have his own table. You can do better.
Why did you even get pregnant with this guy? He has severe mental issues, even willing to kill himself and he is definitely not ready to be a father. The moment you found out you were pregnant and were going to keep it, you should have stopped contact unless he got treatment. Because he is a danger to himself and possibly his child. I don’t know why they talked to your midwife but if you allow him around the baby alone they might actually get CPS involved
Yep, I'm in full agreement. I saw the trap, plain as day, and still walked into it.
Right now, I'm curious when the hammer will come down on her more than anything. Our friend circles intersect in a few spots. So I've got my popcorn ready and biding my time for now.
As much as I feel like shit from this, I really do think we would have made an awesome couple. Too bad it didn't play out the way I'd hoped.
Your post history is upsetting. You’re not child free if you’re playing stepmom.
The reason for the silent treatment doesn’t matter; it is emotional manipulation and a sign of massive immaturity.
UpdateMe!
It’s just hook culture buddy! I mean she really didn’t do anything wrong , but the days of while courting someone you think it’s only you piping her down are gone. But at the very least she told you before hand. This really is on you, can you get passed this or not, if it’s a preference that you don’t like about her then leave the relationship and let her go if, if you think you can then move forward but don’t ever bring it up again as it would be unfair to her and the relationship she trying to build with you. Good luck✌?
yeah, sometimes its hot to accept that someone who’s been in your life for so long is bad for you. thank you for the advice!!
Blow up doll and divorce papers
Blow up doll and divorce papers
And she still isn't happy..
Of course I'm speaking generally without stats but seen in it some cases and read about it in others. One recent example that sticks out to me is when I read Trevor Noah's auto biography which felt mostly about his mom. She was married to their culture's version of a misogynist who only appreciated her feisty personality while they were dating.
Seriously. I've ended friendships over men acting like literal toddlers throwing temper tantrums over me not spontaneously doing their laundry or making dinner for them (I don't cook) They really do think we were put on this earth to slave to make their lives as frictionless as possible. Not on my freakin watch!
You need to very firmly tell him you thought about it, and will not be having surgery no matter what, and see what his reaction is. People DIE sometimes having cosmetic surgeries. Ask him why he would be willing to lose you over something so trivial. Then ask him if he wants to be a single parent. Tell him you've made up your mind and he is free to leave if he's so disappointed eiyt your body (you need to know if he will leave you over this. You can always change your mind later if you really are crazy enough to do this for him. But don't you wanna know he won't leave over this first?)
Then tell him it's making you consider not allowing him into the birthing room because you're concerned he will want you sew up your vagina too. Tell him this is a big deal to you and that he needs to shut up and apologize because it's making you question his love for you.
Court ordered assessment was my bet
I remember when my hole ex and I did anal when we were both 18. He * in me and I shat diarrhea and *** all over his shoes.
But please, if you like him, give him another chance and go out to eat together. You’ll have a good time laughing about it.
she was shutting him down. That died off quickly.
The messages are minimal
Ohh you poor naive man. If she was shutting him down, he would be blocked, not replying to
What are you doing, dude? It sounds like you're doing this to make someone else happy and avoid letting them down. Like there's a part of you that can' turn it down even though you're not entirely comfortable with it, because you don't want to upset anyone. I think you should consider whether you're actually doing this because you want to, or whether you want to want to because someone else might be disappointment if not.
Did you guys talk about why she wants to try a threesome?
You are aware that some people have the capacity to change right?
Your friends say a lot about you as a person if she wasn't willing to distance herself from them after that is a red flag. You can't decide who she is friends with, but you can walk away because she is.
An open relationship can just be hers because you want her with others.
How is that fantasy a positive for you or the relationship?
I mean.. i think it isnt a form of being redpill or anything.
He Wouldnt share his Fears and certainly not cry in front of you if he was Into this ideology.
Has he ever been in a relationship before and how did it go? It might explain why's he's behaving like this
Why would a babysitter do your laundry? What “other stuff” do you think she would she do? Does your partner do literally everything for you and therefore you feel like you need the nearest available woman to come do the “woman stuff” while she is away? Or maybe you ARE banging the babysitter?
I don't think your problem is being alone with the babysitter, it's why you're asking the babysitter to come over when there's no baby. WTF dude.
If what you're saying is true, he's very clearly projecting. Your responses show clear emotional intelligence while he is acting like a fucking childish little brat who doesn't know how to communicate his feelings. You also seem to have the patience of a saint because simply no. Do not keep playing these games with him.
As some one who knocked up their partner twice on birth control, unless you’re prepared to be a father just keep wearing the rubbers my dude
I mean trust me I understand corporations are the real welfare queens. But you’re kind of giving me the starving children in Africa debate. Like yeah wage theft is obviously bad. But with my own eyes I see lazy people being rewarded and that is no less frustrating.
You should leave her.
I'll give you a simple tool I use when I'm confused. Get a piece of paper and make 2 columns. Good things about the relationship on the left and bad on the right. Try to get at least 10 things in each column. Let the paper lead you. You may see a trend.
Listen, I appreciate that you’re anxious about your son. But please don’t contact me looking for him unless there’s some kind of medical emergency or something. I don’t keep tabs on him, and if he is here it’s because we’re talking or something. Text him, not me: it will GREATLY simplify this. If he doesn’t respond that’s between you and him, and I would prefer not to be involved in that. Thank you!!!”
Trust your gut you know what happened deep down and now you just got to figure out how you are going to handle it. What ever decision you make for your own well being good luck.
It doesn’t help that I have ASD and hyper empathy. I think he’s aware of it, and is using it.
I’m looking into welfare checks via distance, it should be doable
Thank you
Sorry but I be damned if I would go down on a “sex worker”. How do you know who or what has been there before you?
begging isn’t rape
Multiple people have pointed out legal instance where it is
Technically, everyone goes into relationships, thinking what they are going to get out of it. They are planning a future they want and sees whether this person is going to want the same thing and can get them to their goals. It's an unwritten contract, if you will. If you can't fulfill that contract, the relationship is in jeopardy unless the other person has the chara6to override that in themselves. Men typically are the more selfish gender and are the ones to not do any caretaking of their partners when they are ill.
Thank you for your comment. I do agree that it's ok to have different beliefs and still be friends. But the issue is not that we enjoy or are interested in different things. I find it troubling that my friend often sees men as inherently better than women. And this subtle sexism is not really a matter that I can simply be more accepting of.
I suppose anger is an emotion that comes most easily to me, and I appreciate you pointing it out.
So as your ex he wants to come over every day to cook breakfast? And as your ex he wants you working together for as long as ten years?
This proposal boils down to him deciding what stays the same after you separate and it’s all stuff he likes about sharing a life with you. Family breakfasts, working together on a business you built.
But that’s a bunch of crap. Marriage is the foundation of those things and losing the marriage means losing those things. No to breakfast for the kids. Definitely no to working at the business. If he wanted to keep those things he should not have decided to separate.
Lawyer time. Bummer dude. You blew up our lives.
Love is an action as much as a feeling. If he “feels” love for you, but doesn't show it and doesn't do anything to demonstrate his love, then he's missing the “action” part of it. That matters very much more than just the feeling.
I'd say it's more than vaguely similar.
No
If religion is a dealbreaker for you, then you should really be stating that on your dating profile, so that people who aren't of your faith don't waste their time getting to know you, caring about you, wanting to take things further, only to discover that you're not into them because of their incompatible religious status. If you're not meeting these people via apps, you should bring it up sometime on the first date.
At best she should have given a fake number
I respect that my bf was very similar we're both friends with ex's but ex's who we've slept with are off the table for friendship, and ex's who we took a long ass time getting over. I had a chick I was on and off with for three years took me 2 to get over her we never had sex but I'm not in contact with her out of respect for him and he has a similar ex but we both also on the other hand have ex's who were originally childhood friends I have one I've known since I moved to this town childhood sweetheart type relationship and we didn't talk for over a year after dating but we never hang out, out of respect for our mutual partners and all texts are on a app that we can't as easily delete messages or anything. I do respect people who see it as weird to befriend an ex though
You both work full time, she breastfeeds, you try to itemize chores, and oh yeah I game for 5 1/2 hrs a day. (Neglected to mention if I’m one of those screaming gamers). Why aren’t you with your wife at 7:30?
You have neglected her emotionally because you chose the gaming over her. Broke her heart until she numbed out and figured out a way to co-exist with you. You are mad that your paycheck deposit doesn’t dispense sex
She wanted her mother and her sisters there
Pharmaceutical tech writers make a lot of money. It’s a super high paying career that not a lot of people go into. She’s going to be making better money than you.
You absolutely did the right thing! I've always used 2 kinds because no contraceptive is full proof. I'm with you on this. If your most basic values don't align then it's never gonna work.
Oh boy! Asking to open the relationship says it all. OP, that video is not old.
I appreciate the different angle 🙂 this resonates a lot.
If you are seeking more ways to continue the friendship than you are seeking ways to reconnect with your wife, then you have a problem
You already made the decision. One is your dad. Roger is your friend. He has to live with his consequences. Grandma be damned. Blind eyes for her son. If they don’t like it they don’t have to go to your wedding. And than years later they will be sorry for missing it.
You can have your fun but just dont marry this one. Are you still going to look at her the same way now that youve seen her get ganked by 3 men?
I don’t think he’s bad at all for having emotions and I’ve always tried to be supportive and caring as possible with him (I get very caretaker-ish when I’m a relationship) but I also never wanted to push it. It’s just hard for me to understand why he would have been all over my friend like that is what makes it uncomfortable for me. I would never judge him for his emotions, just how he reacted off of it
When people say they need space it’s normally because that person did something wrong.
This is what I want to highlight as psychotic. When people say they need space, you respect their space.
OP and his gf are extremely early on in their relationship. It takes time to develop a full bond of trust when you first start dating someone. This is what happens in normal, healthy relationships. It is not “cruel” for OP to have complicated feelings about his dad's DEATH and not know how to articulate them to his extremely new girlfriend. Trust takes time to develop in the context of relationships.
I don't know if you're aware or not, but OP did not plan his dad's death. He had no way of knowing it would happen.
To do that is almost cruel. She probably should’ve never committed to this person, at least not yet.
The fact that you are now talking about OP's gf as if she did nothing wrong and is actually the victim for what she did is actually problematic. I genuinely think you need some counseling if you don't think what the gf did is horrifically wrong.
You're in your thirties and don't know this? Might explain why you're dating an 18 year old…
I’m sorry, her parents regularly HIT HER because she sees you? And you A) don’t seem to be concerned about that and B) want her to “tough it out”?
I have to choose to believe this isn’t real – if it is that girl has enough issues to deal with without you making it tougher for her, leave her alone
Why does this read like a creative writing prompt lmao.
Guaranteed she does not give a damn if he masturbates. It's the pictures 100%
so if you’re in a relationship does that mean you shouldn’t interact or spend time with anyone, ever, except your partner because it could lead to developing feelings? that seems a bit extreme
Being a doctor is helping a LOT of people, being a SAHM is only helping you.
Get back to work girl and make that money. As far is your husband is concerned.. he is a loser…find a better man.
While dating and living together, I would suggest you either split joint expenses evenly or directly in proportion to your incomes.
If you can't reach an agreement about this in a respectful manner you aren't cut out to on-line together
Yeah she won't suddenly be kicked out, she will have time to find a place, and can potentially continue living there depending on how amicable the break up is.
I hate it when the ex is labeled “crazy.” It usually means they were jerked around.
You understand if it’s an open relationship that he will be included in some way? Is that what you want?
If so then just ask him. You’ll need to sort it all out with him one way or another.
IMO, the only thing worse than your uncle being your dad would be being aware of it. So, realistically, keep this shit to yourself.
Also if note, most people hate their father, so if you really wanna be part of the kids life, you'll have better luck as an uncle.
I kinda get her POV, though. If it’s traumatic for her, she certainly doesn’t want to bring it up. I was sexually assaulted by my neighbor when I was a child. I blocked the memory from my mind for years, and one day it all came back (long story). The point is that I would not have told my wife or anyone about it, even if I had remembered it at the time. She knows now, of course, but she wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t had a meltdown over it when the memories came out. However, you do need to talk to her and let her know that you know because that’s going to be lingering between you. (Hypothetically, what happens when you get angry during an argument after she says something hurtful? You might have the self-control to not offer a rebuttal with the secret or you might not. The point is that secrets kill relationships. (Yeah, this goes against what happened to me, but my wife didn’t know my secret. You know hers.)
What do you mean
Not fucking other people isn't complicated.
Info: Twenty years from now, do you want to be married to your fiancé? Do you understand the vows you are planning to make? “Forsaking all others” means kicking the toxic people to the curb. Sarah needs to go. She should not be a part of your life. If Bob can handle that, awesome but you may need to wait until his next relationship. By the way, you have participated in ruining your fiancé’s reputation, so man up or let her find one who is loyal TO HER instead of his old drinking buddies.
Maybe they can be as entitled, but relationship partners don't stick around for it.
Take it from me. I was your husband. I was talking to other women all the time. I cheated on my now ex wife. She gave me chance after chance after chance. LEAVE. No more chances. Do not take him back. It took me losing the greatest thing to ever happen to me for me to finally grow up and change. I did not deserve my ex-wife and I hate myself years later for what i did to her, but nothing would have changed if she gave me another chance.
Motherfucker tried to Jay Gatsby your girlfriend
I sometimes throw up when I get really anxious. I don’t usually do it in front of anyone and it’s been going on since I was a teenager (I threw up on the first day of school all four years of high school).
You break up with him because you don’t want to date a stoner, that’s what you do.
You’ve tried talking with him about his weed use. Presumably you’ve tried talking with him about how your needs aren’t being met. He isn’t interested in changing for you.
So break up with him.
Thanks for your thoughtful input. He was an old friend that I interacted with on social media occasionally since last year but we recently met up a few times to get to know each other better. He's the one who suggested we should go on a vacation at a place he chose and told me that I am a good planner. I have been the one deciding where to go and he just agrees with it and says it's good.
Why on earth is this downvoted? It's a possibility if they're in the US, isn't it?
Why on earth is this downvoted? It's a possibility if they're in the US, isn't it?
I'm glad to hear it. Have a great trip!
These are the men who wrote the Bible and invented religion
You should break up with him for being so creepy about “taking your virginity”. If he would break up with you because of it…he isnt for you .
You've made this worse by not just being upfront from the start. His obsession over this is weird on its own, but he's probably going to flip when he finds out.
If you didn't feel comfortable enough communicating with him on this, it's probably a good sign this isn't a healthy relationship to begin with.
You do not even like your boyfriend. Why do you want to make things work? Liking your partner and enjoying spending time with them are bare minimum relationship expectations. You do not need overt conflict to decide a relationship is not right for you. End it now and walk away. Do not let him continue to plan to move to a bigger place with you. Be kind, but be firm when ending things. Do not leave room for possibility of reconciliation. “I've realized living with you that we just aren't compatible and I don't want to continue this relationship.”
It's not in your head, you have seen enough to know he can't be trusted. There are guys out there who won't do this.
But you have a townhouse. Or so you say. If you divorce, you go there. Plus why on earth would he put your name on the deed without you Investing ANY money at all? His compromise is more than fair. He puts the house, you pay for renovations, you both get a house. Your idea of being on the deed just because you say so, is ridiculous.
If I was his friend, I would tell HIM to run.
Thank you so much, and I definitely will check with a specialist about this.
At 28 you should be able to recognize the gravity of home ownership right now. Jesus Christ, you want a new boyfriend? Lol I am a great housekeeper ??
So..he r4pes you!
Leave..save yourself. Your AH boyfriend continues to SA you..
This is very common. I had an ex who cheated and I exchanged stories with others in the same boat. They talk shit about you so they can say “Well, wife did xyz behavior, so it doesn’t matter if I’m cheating.” It’s all justification. If he won’t quit, you’re going to need to pull the plug on your marriage and draw some nude lines. There is a good book called “Not just friends” that is very beneficial
Please remember, he is behaving like this to justify his behavior. There is no excuse for talking smack about your wife to his coworker. None. Get yourself in counseling. Try to get him to go, but if he won’t, go yourself. I’m sorry you’re here.
Huh. Expecting him to follow a list WAS a fair expectation.
He's deflecting. He's also a time burglar.
First point, use formulas like “we can talk about that another time but right now we need to focus on X” and be dogged about it.
Second point, I would set clear boundaries for myself about how much of this shit Im willing to put up with and exit the conversation the second it oversteps.
The nailpolish thing would probably have me running tbh. It sounds boring and demeaning. Maybe telling him how all this is making you feel would give him a reality check.
Yeah, my mom went through quite alot so I kinda just saw that and promised myself I wouldn't find someone like my father. So, I do have some issues bc of my past and I have been working on myself haven't had these thoughts in almost 3 months and today was one of those bad days I guess! Thank you so much for the support, you really did calm me down! ❤️
MISSILE DODGED Find someone who is mature enough to respect you and show you how to enjoy it without pressure.
That's not what a paternity test is. This isn't some mild sort of safety net. He's questioning her loyalty without having any reason to.
Women have lots of reasons to have safety funds, especially if they've been in relationships with men who do things like demand paternity tests and set conditions around their partners' behavior before they even have kids.
Or invest it to gather profit from it and give it back to her if you break up or use it for your wedding or first house if things go well (i know it won’t pay for it fully but it will help. Invest for the future)
My stbx cheated our entire marriage … almost 17 years before he left me for a girl younger than his oldest son, who I raised! I trusted him implicitly. Get a good therapist and start planning your exit. You deserve better. And get new friends while you’re at it.
I have some questions first and will just offer my humble opinion.
1) How many times have you been around her family. 2) In what setting were these interactions. 3) What is her family's honest opinion on you? 4) Is she in the wedding party? Or expected to do any sort of “duties” or formalities during the wedding? 5) Lastly, is the event being held at a hall / event space or a family home?
You hit on some of this in your post but she is already nervous about the event if she's not particularly found of the bride. Plus you mentioned she keeps family and personal separated (for you perhaps it's different or enough time has gone by. But events like this bring out the crazy relatives you have only heard about (i.e racist aunt, crazy uncle) and those you haven't (and maybe she don't want you to encounter). Family can be crazy judgmental for absolutely no reason.
If she is in the wedding party or is expected to do anything to help make the event a success that is even more stress. Would you want her to have to keep your happiness in mind, or worry to keep you away from any crazy relatives?
Lastly, weddings can be crazy expensive if it is at a hall they are most likely paying per head and may have had to cut out relatives to keep it to a certain head count. Then aunt Mildred sees you in a picture and questions why a “stranger” is there but her and her family of 5 wasn't invited. The stigma of Brides family pays still exists to some degree. So for all you know, your GF made a case to include you, but was shot down.
My advice play it cool she has enough on her plate. But maybe be prepared to be a last minute add on because a lot of times people who RSVP cancel last minute while those precious seats are already paid for.
Just some non solicited advice from someone who has been in the wedding industry for 26 years.
He doesn’t FORCE me to do it, but I understand what you’re saying. My last 3 relationships before I met him were so abusive that it makes what’s going on here look innocent. Perhaps that’s why I’ve endured it for as long as I have. Other than doing this, he’s incredible. I just wish these “moods” were fewer and further between… If ever again at all.
Your hopefully ex bf lacks integrity and is trying to make that your problem. You decide whether he's worth it (he's not)
Why do you think you should be involved at all? This can’t be real. If it is, you’re delusional.
Good for you, your anecdotal experience whether true or untrue does not apply to statistical norm and fact that maintaining a relationship with an ex regardless of the reason has a high potential for problems. If you absolutely have to be cordial with an ex for legal reasons such as kids then so be it, but the potential for problems doesn't go away.
Foreplay with one and then slowly multiple fingers.
So you have chosen delusional Z that didn't like you that much, instead of honest with his feelings Y. Great decision making, confirmed, but your choice to keep lying to Z.
There is nothing you can do since this relationship is built on poor decision making from the start.
You’re actually right that this issue doesn’t have to do with the age gap: adults don’t get to dictate the clothing choices of other adults, regardless of anyone’s age.
You’re being an insecure controlling ass.
Yeah… you can just say “waxing me”, OP
So she's aware he's “into” her, they've known each other a long time.
In all that time have you discussed with her how completely uncomfortable this makes you feel? Have you drawn boundaries around what should and shouldn't be happening?
I only say the above as devils advocate, as any reasonable, normal person in a relationship should, knowing someone that isn't their partner is “into” them, would make a purposeful and clear point of either cutting ties with or avoiding any unnecessary interactions with and clearly targeted behaviour they express.
If she isn't and is in fact playing with it – well, she either loves the attention or is steps from making it more than flirting, both of which are as bad as far as I'm concerned.
No yeah like she didn’t even look and it’s not a money issue. She just doesn’t wanna be further inconvenienced
So you guys shouldn’t have kids. The problem here is you two are in completely different paths/points of view. You need to sit down and figure out how to split finances and whether you want to save for a future together (house? Wedding? Travel?) work on improving credit scores, etc… whatever the plans or decisions are, you both need to be in the same page. How that conversation goes will tell you everything you need to know about your relationship.
Also, maybe she should pay for a dog walker or something while she’s out
i meant (19M) lol
That relationship was clearly bad for you based on how you are feeling now. You need to stop giving him free real estate in your head. Look up attachment styles. Go with your head on this one
Sounds like either you're his side chick or she is.
You really can’t be that naive, can you??
It sounds like this is a relationship she had before her bf.
You both need to get comfortable with each other.
Sure you can talk about movies, games, music, sports, gossip, etc. But the idea is to get to really know each other so that you both can be open and honest and share those parts of yourself that make you who you are. Share your experiences and feelings. Your dreams and goals in life.
Yes, you will be vulnerable and that's what falling in love is about. Being both best friends and romantic partners.
I asked her, she mentioned that she wanted to tell later at some point, but did not find time. On that I told her that we have been talking madly lately, why couldnt u tell me then. To which she replied that other topis took toll and she did not think this was important then those. Other topics here are like just being on a video call for no reason, and either of us playing some song. The thing is, initially itself I asked her multiple times if she is lying about this, but everytime she denied to it
Take your cats and leave her.
It may not be their responsibility, but if they know their son/relative wasn’t going to be upfront with the OP, they shouldn’t have introduced them to begin with, shouldn’t have been part of the lie.
She will be on her best behavior for a couple of weeks, maybe even a few months. But she will inevitably revert to being her old self. My money is on her doubling down on her shitty behavior; with her reasoning being: ” look at all that I sacrificed and did for you!” OP, the only right call is to kick her out and cut her out of your life. There is no glory to be gained here in the long run, mate.
He didn’t really lose parental rights? He has to petition the court for a DNA test if he wants rights. Having been through this, I don’t think she’s in very hot water at all. She told him, he reacted badly and she blocked him. It’s not the mom’s job to inform him the babies arrived, he could have hired a lawyer back then and followed up.
They did not take my ovaries, but they discovered I have PCOS.
Live your best life please OP and dip when your morals are confronted. He’s a racist & a sex crime apologist. There was already more than enough reason to dump him before this.
The title of the sub is relationship advice. My advice: forget he existed. Don't second guess yourself. Move on.
I mean I can see why he would say something like that knee jerk reaction – freshly waxed anything would be angry red and swollen for a while.
Honestly why can’t people just communicate – I’m sure if you told him “yeah that was mine and you really hurt my feelings because I was trying to do something sexy for us.” He would feel bad and try to make it up to you. It’s a good sign of the relationship lasting if he can understand what he did wrong and try to correct it.
As to how mean his reaction was – that could be completely normal for him, no one on here knows him better than you. My wife and I make fun of each other all the time, it’s just how we are- we can communicate when things go to far though.
Lol you are so ignorant, if you can’t see how OP fucked up here you are probably just as dumb as she is.
–]HeroDanny
-174 points 2 days ago*
She belong to the streets lmao
edit: call me gross all you want but I'm not the one who got ran through by half the dudes in the college dorm Lol
The venn diagram of people who believe women always win court because of favoritism and misogynists is a circle.
You can't date a literal child then complain about childish behavior. If you're struggling with mental illness and suicidal ideation you should probably be putting your energies into trying to get healthy. The odds of a 16 y.o. being emotionally/mentally equipped to choose a forever life partner are slim to none. Just work on yourself and let this very young woman go find the world for herself.
Get a lawyer, marriage is over. Don't look back and document everything.
If he’s already slept with her twice, admitted it and continues to see her privately, it’s obvious that he doesn’t care about your feelings and isn’t willing to stop seeing her. Know why? Because he knows you’ll roll over and accept it. So either stop complaining and accept that this is the best marriage/level of commitment you’ll get from him, or leave him. Because he’s clearly already choosing her over you.
That dude is dumb as fuck.
A significant other shouldn’t make you feel ashamed about what makes you happy.
Dude. If your concern is maturity, then it's a bit rich to be asking how to turn someone down without “hurting their feelings”.
Obviously it's going to hurt her feelings, that's unavoidable, and it's frankly immature for you to think you can escape that. The only thing you can do is be polite and kind. If she had just asked you out, it probably wouldn't more than sting to hear a no, but if she's already got 'strong feelings' then there's no avoiding hurting them.
Yes, she pointed at someone else. Thank you, I'll ask her more about this
I had this fight with my welder husband 10 years ago. I was buying more professional clothes with specific washing instructions and we “shared” laundry duties. Even when he was “helping” He’d hurt my clothes. And the amount of Kleenex in that man’s pockets???
HAH. We have each had our own baskets since that fight. The only thing we really share is the loads of towels (and even then I hate when he uses a dryer sheet!) is a happy marriage when we do our own.
You're a weird guy. You don't vape but you could fall down the stairs with life changing injuries. I think you need to chill your beans… if you like her… keep going but if you're trying to find anyway out like “Oh no she vapes” then let her be with a grown up.
Drive to the nearest truck stop. Attach it to an 18 Wheeler heading out of town. Or better yet, park your car during business hours in his Attorney's parking lot.
That would be naked for me too—especially if money was actually an issue.
I (44F) make a lot more than my partner. As such, I pay a lot more of the shared bills. But he works full time, just not in a lucrative field, so it doesn’t bother me. He’s fiscally responsible and we aren’t struggling for money.
To me, it’s more about work ethic and character than just money. It sounds like your BF is the type who does the bare minimum. Which would be fine if he were actually financially secure—not everyone is career driven—but he’s not. And he’s 33! This is it babe, this is who he is. An 18YO in a 33YO’s body.
It would be a dealbreaker for me. I was married to someone who was fiscally irresponsible and it really set me back. Made sure not to make that mistake again.
He shattered his relationship.
Sounds like he never wanted kids
More than 10 years ago! This happened 2008-ish/somewhere around there, and we didn’t meet until 2012. This has been a recurring theme in our relationship, except for during my two pregnancies and while on maternity leave (I was home for a year with both kids thanks to Germany’s pretty swell paid parental leave, and due to exclusively breastfeeding basically never left the house without baby).
Resentment definitely hits the nail on the head. He travels for work (tattoo artist), hosts art exhibitions and goes to parties and concerts, goes off to other cities to visit friends and play DnD, and I try to make all of this possible by holding down the fort when he’s gone. Yet I’m not allowed this freedom because he applies sexuality to a situation that for me has absolutely nothing to do with sex.
I get the fear – we all know being married doesn’t guarantee loyalty and commitment. But it still feels so inherently unfair. His answer to why therapy isn’t an option was “because if I opened up that Pandora’s box, I’d be emotionally stressed and checked out for at least 6 months, and we all can’t afford that”, but ironically not doing anything is having an even worse effect
Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
You have your whole life to look forward to. Never let a man treat you that way.
Keep the dog, re-home the controlling BF!!!!!
Minus a potential culture gap where kissing is considered normal among close friends, I think you can stick by this naked boundary and just nope out
By my own experience – if you need to walk on eggshells around someone and you are constantly afraid to do a mistake that make them mad….please end that relationship…talk to ppl about it….you are deeply abusive relationship. Please save yourself.
It’s twofold. One part is the passing down of genetics.
The other is simply can someone be a safe, stable, effective, reliable and responsible parent with this condition? Whether it’s with a biological child, or – to negate the risk of passing on the genetics – a child conceived with donor gametes (eggs in this case) or adopted.
If they’re prone to episodes and lack insight into their behaviour? And especially if they’re not diagnosed, are unwilling to be assessed, and are resistant to commit to long-term treatment and management.
This is horrible, I'm sorry you have to go through this. The biggest issue here is that your BF is unsupportive and does not give a fuck. He belittles your feelings and makes you the crazy one for not being able to “accept a compliment” or “laugh at a joke”. These are not jokes nor compliments, it is sexual harrassment and it is being done to you on purpose. His father gets a kick out of this and he enjoys seeing you squirm under his inappropriate comments.
Unfortunately, this is a situation you can't fix on your own. The obvious answer is to leave your BF, as he is a POS which is clear from this post, but after your edit it appears it's not that easy to leave. You could try enforcing strict rules about his father not coming around to your house and you could simply skip any family gatherings to avoid him. Yeah, you'll get unsolicited advice about your choices, but you should protect yourself considering how his comments are making you feel. You feel horrible and you're changing your behaviour/clothing style/make up because of some old wrinkly twat. Don't do this!!! Stand your ground
You forgot the /s
No. That’s just what she said
also just spit balling but was your friend a girl / could this have been an F U type situation?
I was just throwing that out there in case someone actually thought it would be a good idea to lie on a police report! Because, unfortunately, some people are that dumb!
…an angle grinder would literally be safer.
I do agree that he’s insecure and you seem to have outgrown him. The only thing I’m wondering is if you’re making time to do things together? Are you still doing things as a couple? It’s great that you’re bettering yourself but I could understand why someone would feel kinda hurt if you’re always at the gym/gone/focused on work etc.
Drop him a text and immediately after, block him.
I mean that's terribly cynical of me to say that, but you said he threatens self-harm. Which is manipulative, even if he means it and does it.
No, as when we had met we both said we had no children (my son is the result of failed contraception). However my wife and I have fostered many children, we have taken in friends and family members children when they needed it, and adopted two wonderful children. My wife has always been the most giving, nurturing person I know. So it’s hot for me now to accept she would just leave because I have a child.
Thank you for your input. I understand the importance of discussing the specifics of our prenuptial agreement before my fiancée moves here. We will work on this together and make sure that we have a clear understanding of the terms and how they may apply in different scenarios, including relocation.
Stop wasting his time then. There isn't anything else out there that you can't get somewhere else. Communicate exactly to him what you're communicating to us instead of being scared and go live the life you want if it'll make you feel better for however long.
But let him choose what he wants to do after
We need to factor in the drug abuse too though
Yes, I actually changed the pw through his email so I could log in and see it, you can’t really do anything on there if you don’t have a membership
He recently brought up how he wants me to tell him more when i arrive/leave somewhere
So I told him I was going to see a friend, he told me to take a pic and let him know when i pick her up and when I get him. We started having an argument because I told him ill send him a pic if she agrees to take a selfie, and that im not going to take a sneaky (like a quick pic) pic of her. I told him I wouldnt feel comfy if someone did that to me, so I would enver do that, but he got upset bc I called him weird bc he does that.
(he has my location + history of where I have been life360)
This is bonkers. There is no reason for anyone that you're dating to have this amount of location tracking and asking for photo evidence. This is genuinely abusive and I would urge you seriously to get some distance from this guy.
It is not normal to continually tell your partner where you are. It is not normal to have to send pictures of the people you're with to your partner.
It is not normal to have life 360 enabled with someone you're dating. This is really intrusive. Massive red flags here.
(for comparison, I on-line in a stabby part of London and I occasionally update my husband when I'm out and about but he doesn't track me).
Leave, she doesn't respect you When you voiced your concerns about how close she still was to your ex she called you shitty, she routinely ignores you, she by her own admission is still in contact with him, and the cherry on top when you told her point blank she needs to stop talking to him or you'll leave she told you she will and doesn't care.
She sees you as a doormat, and either she thinks you won't actually do anything or she legitimately is unconcerned with your relationship. The only thing you're doing wrong right now is staying with someone who has no respect for you. My guess is that you have self esteem issues and low self respect, the kinds of narcissistic women you've attracted probably picked up on that and I'm spitballing that this relationship hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows before this point. But in those moments I'm guessing that, like now, you looked to blame yourself rather than seeing her shitty behavior for what it is. Introspection is important but it needs to be of a sound mind that factors your needs.
if you want better quality relationships you need to respect yourself and not put up with behavior like this. Leave her and work on yourself for a bit. You deserve better than this dude.
I asked and I want to know.
So please tell me. I’d like to know
You have been repeatedly told no, that is inappropriate. But you won't fucking listen, so it doesn't matter what anyone says.
Keep all the evidences as she may deny them again. Talk to a lawyer, file for divorce and just co-parent. Do not let her gaslight you again and do not stay just for the kids.
Right? If anyone was a candidate to adopt a rescue parrot it's this guy!
Right? If anyone was a candidate to adopt a rescue parrot it's this guy!
Well he said he would cut her out of his life and said he realised he made a big mistake
I also am a firm believer in this but he says I do not communicate what exactly I need from him.
I wish it was as easy to just leave but I just can’t
Bestie…no. Leave this pathetic excuse for a man immediately
You deserve, better. Leave her. No need for arguments or confrontation. You simply do not want to be with her, and that's reason enough to say to her.
Go talk to the other mom.
Ultimately, its your call and whether or not you can live with this. Imagine spending the next year or so constantly suspicious, fighting about trust issues, and never enjoying the full benefits of the relationship because of this. Chances are you'll break up eventually either because of this issue or the collateral damage it causes. That sounds like an exercise in prolonged misery versus a pathway to happiness for both of you. If you can't see past this, rip the band-aid, end the relationship, resolve any residual damage as a result of this (this is more about not sabotaging future relationships because of this), and I'm sure you find someone that respects you and is honest.
If you need the space (which it sounds like you do), then ignore her violation of the agreement and stick to the no contact rule on your end. Your friend is probably correct about the her reasoning.
Nothing is wrong with you. A perfectly normal emotional response. I can't make it go away – time will do that, if you don't nurture this feeling – but FWIW I can deconstruct it.
It's all about Vulnerability. About risk tolerance. The partner with the lower body count sees their partner as more desirable and more successful. So we feel we're at risk from rivals and Exes, who may outshine us. And we feel we're at risk cuz our partner has greater opportunities, and greater ability to take advantage of those opportunities if they so desire.
Or so our emotions say. Your partner of 8 years may be the most loving, loyal partner on the planet, and she may thank God she found the Right One after any number of wrong ones. Explain that to your emotions, if you can. They operate on a simple equation: higher body count equals higher risk. Wife's past lovers went from 4 to 5, so your emotions simply recalculated your vulnerability 25 percent upward, and “unsettling” doesn't begin to describe how it feels.
I see no way to explain this to Wife that will do either of you the least bit of good. Instead I suggest that you take your feelings to a confidant, clergy our counselor. As for Wife, for awhile you'll have to act a lot different, and a lot better, than you feel. Be good to her, and patient with yourself. You are normal, and like any scab, the wound it covers will heal soon enough if you don't pick at it.
I’m sorry but this relationship should have an expiration date. He’s clearly cheating again and will continue to do so. You deserve better
You created an asshole dog. You’re both going to have to be on board to fix it and it’s gonna be miserable. But so is raising a child with this idiot. ??♀️
Farkenell, your husband is a critter. And to keep it from you for years? Wow.
Some Jerry springer shit right here. Be glad he couldn't create a spawn of Satan, you can leave somewhat freely.
Some might call that divine intervention?
Once you've healed from this traumatic experience, I hope you find a real man.
She will hurt your children. Don’t fucking kid yourself my man.
Waiting longer won't make it better, it'll just make it harder to do.
Plus there are tons of other guys out there and it's better to get good at weeding out the crappy ones early on so you can find a better relationship
I am glad you were spared that experience.
You said he walked out before you even knew you were pregnant. You said, “you felt really used.” Knowledge of the pregnancy came after that. So, the relationship, it sounds like, ended due to you “feeling used.” Now you want him to reappear because you're pregnant.
It doesn't sound like he'll be part of the picture except for maybe a monthly stipend.
why are you counting being assaulted to your body count…?
It worries me one of your stipulations is that he keeps in contact through the pregnancy. Why is that, when he’s already made his opinion very clear?
Thank you for the honest answer
Nope. Not normal.
Oh, you mean like how in a bunch of countries, it is still legally allowed for people to marry a 12 year old girl as long as she is pregnant ? Including multiple states in America.
I'm supposed to care about norms and ignore what's actually right ? Nah, I'm good, thanks tho ~
Your options are to wait for marriage or break up. If you wait for marriage, just hope you're sexually compatible, which you're probably not.
Glad you blocked that cock, there is alot better ones out there.. cocks that will respect you, aknowledges the side effects and supports your decision. Its not nude to do so imo… well maybe his sorry ass dick is. But alot of people are just idiots…
??
Sometimes being hostile is the only answer some man will take
Yes
Everyone fully acknowledges and understands you’re a troll whose wife should run for the hills and file for divorce
what red flags?
OP, I’m concerned by this post. This is bigger than Reddit. Timelines and financial goals are imperative to discuss prior to being married.
What do you want? Do you even want kids? How many? Do you have a job? Do you have paid maternity leave? Will you be a stay-at-home-mom? How are you splitting bills? Are you financially dependent upon him?
Have you done any research into pregnancy and childbirth? These are major medical events that can kill you. It will alter you physically, mentally and emotionally – some changes are forever. Are the chores and household responsibilities split equitably? If a lot of the emotional and physical labor is on you, I can guarantee he will not step up.
Figure out what you want and then have a discussion. Do not have children until you’re done research and understand how naked being a parent is.
Don't send flowers, go to dinner, invite her for coffee, or anything similar. You can certainly reach out and say happy birthday, but you need to acknowledge the fact that the relationship is over for whatever reason, be it religion or otherwise.
You think things would have changed after 7 months? That's completely illogical. If you two are fundamentally incompatible, then that doesn't just change. If religion isn't an issue, it means it never was. The consequence of you acting on your impulses is you getting more and more hurt. It's time to truly allow yourself to move on. Good luck.
Just dropping by to tell you that you should read SerenityM3oW advice again and again. You need therapy.
I feel like we're starting to see a lot of this. In the past you'd get married at 18-20 and start your life, Including buying a home. That's fine away to a large extent but been replaced by a society and economy that is most impossible for a single person to get ahead in, so we see a lot more young, unmarried couples looking to buy together rather than throwing money at an apartment.
If OP is set in getting a house then they should buy one themselves and let the BF pay rent.
And while I think both OP and BF are right, I also think they aren't in the same place in their lives and their wants out of the relationship are not the same. The next few months will determine whether they resolve this issue and get through this or if the relationship should end and they each continue looking for what they want.
“You signed up for this”
No OP didn’t.
This the advice you should listen to OP. He isn't as good partner as you think, if he is fine compromising your happiness for his ego.
I agree, these comments are so odd to me (and I live in the US.) In your late 20’s, two years with someone could easily be plenty of time to make a reasonable judgement as to the soundness of a relationship. And I also agree that marriage isn’t a metric for longevity.
The one catch is that we don’t have a ‘separate mortgage’ option. They’d be co-borrowers on one loan. But… they can very easily make an agreement as to what happens with the house if they break up. And that would literally be NO different than if they’re married… either draft the legal contract up front, or potentially duke it out in court later, it’s the same whether you’re married or not.
Oh my god! I hope the court drags you and you never see those precious babies again. You absolutely do not deserve it.
All you can do is try to explain the issue to him. It sounds like you've tried that in a non-confrontational matter. I guess you keep try but I understand you probably don't want to feel like you are nagging him about something like this. I do think you have to keep trying because sexual incompatibility, if that is what it is, needs to be discovered and addressed.
Her marriage is not normal. You are right. She made a huge mistake. I honestly wouldn't tell her unless she asks. She will lash out at you.
What you can do is ask to change the subject to something more positive.
It sounds like things worked out the way you thought they would in the beginning. Which makes perfect sense, and was smart.
She is getting busy with her new life and naturally has less time. It perhaps wasn't kind for her to (supposedly) ghost you, but I'm not surprised she left you on read after your feelings dump. I mean, what's someone who's choosing to spend less time talking to you supposed to say to, “But I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend in the future!”
You're only 19. You need to be spending time with local girls. Keep the time you had with this other girl as a nice memory to look back on, but move on.
Guarantee if they get married or have a child together OP will never get an hour or even a day to themselves ever again without BF throwing a huge tantrum every time.
It’s always scary leaving a relationship. Better the Devil you know, right? But here’s the thing:
Picture the next 10 years dealing with how he makes you feel. It’s only going to get worse, because that’s how abuse works. You already feel neglected, unloved, manipulated, etc. Imagine it worse.
Now picture the next 10 years without him. Maybe meeting someone new, maybe not, but whatever you’re doing, it’s on YOUR terms. It’s YOUR life.
It’s going to be naked, and it’s going to be nude for a while. You might even be tempted to go back. But remember that the sadness and missing him WILL fade. It WILL pass and things will get better. But will things with him get better?
I think we both know the answer to that.
Some of these responses are so wild to me.
He demanded OP not be tech free on these trips. She conceded. He demanded she call every night. She conceded.
He doesn’t want to do anything any other weekend except the self care weekend. If OP reduces the trips to every other month, do people really think the bf will accept that and drop it? Or do you think he’ll eventually bitch about THOSE weekends.
He doesn’t want her going away, period. It’s really not that difficult.
i’ve never heard of the show, maybe i will check it out
Thank you for the advice.
There's no contract yet, as we need to agree on the rules and conditiones. We will both sign a printed copy.
Money up front sounds like the best idea. I'm not entirely sure he has that much to pay all at once, and I'm a bit worried how it might affect his wife. But that's not really my responsibility. He can take the offer or not.
He has a gun?!?
Girl gtfo. Like yesterday.
To boil this down to a single sentence, she was completely on board with exclusivity with you until she came across an experience she thought was attractive, and then just dropped the whole idea.
The fact that she was a bit drunk, the awful predatory behaviour of the two guys, the fact that she is possibly moving away, the fact that she realised that she wasn't as turned on by the experience as she thought she would be, all of the peripheral details, don't obscure the one fact that you are supposed to be exclusive and she cheated on you and was actually fucked by both guys unsuccessfully with her own consent.
Yeah but op mentioned she places importance on these things. I know the world is filled with garbage people who dont support human rights
We won't get our money back and they were counting on is to be together (even my sister still wants the marriage to happen).
He's admant he will be monogamous after we marry. He just wonders why for dating, we have to be limited to each other for sex
He needs to learn to control himself. Please use condoms in the future. pulling out method is 100% safe.
I don’t think rationalization is gonna help in this situation
get out. you are worth more than that.
Do you even want a single “candidate”? You don't seem to be sure you want to be in a monogamous relationship.
Just distance yourself from anyone and everyone involved in the drama. Concentrate on your studies
He could have been trying to do better this whole time but why did it take her 4 years to finally say “hey babe you suck at fingering and i have never liked it all those times you thought i liked it i was faking it”
No it’s not a red flag that your bf doesn’t want you, someone who has no experience cutting hair, to not cut his hair. His hair is also curly which is a lot harder to cut (im a hairstylist). The red flag is more so you being so upset about it.
I know a lot of people in long-term open relationships that work for them. If both partners agree to whatever the boundaries are and stick to them, that’s the key. When one violates the boundaries they’ve agreed upon together, not so much.
Anyway, you’re welcome to your opinion and judgement.
She came back because of the vacation, do yourself a favor, dump her, and focus on yourself.
I lost him at black cat to his golden retriever energy, wtf is that. She probably got overwhelmed.
No it's not too harsh. If there was a real requirement for him to be on his phone for emergencies, then he could use his words and tell you. And explain why.
And maybe I'm dumb but I don't see why a PhD student would need to be constantly contactable out of hours. He's not manufacturing, or operating.
If you had known at the time you wouldn't have been in a relationship with her
And there is your answer
To elaborate on the situation: We are students so the informal dates were project meet-ups. He treated those as dates even though I didn't want to talk about anything personal with him during those meet-ups and was acting somewhat reserved and not touchy-feely at all.
I confronted him about his flirtatious attitude, said that he respected that I have a bf and would never break “bro code”, and then added that men have “FUTURE PLANS” all the time (didn't elaborate on this one). Said that he felt very familiar with me since the day he met me so that's why he was being more open towards me…
Dump him for being an asshole Do you mean 10 kg in a couple months? Adding 16-17% of your weight in that short of a time seems like it could be a medical issue or something with changing meds, you might want to bring it up with your doctor in case.
If she was aware of it, not telling you from the get-go was a dick move. You're justified with being upset about that one and it's your decision if that's a dealbreaker for you.
But the herpes itself? Personally, I wouldn't let that be the deciding factor of if I want to date someone. They are shockingly common for starters – 8 out of 10 people have at least one type of herpes and it continues to spread because the majority are unaware that they have it. Since she is aware, treatments and avoiding contact during flare-ups will pretty much guarantee that you will not catch it from her.
She got mad at me for not talking on facetime since I was trying to sleep.
she feels not loved, and how she feels like she wants to end her life.
Time to move on. Break up, block her, and go no-contact. Tell her parents what she said about ending her life just in case she means it (in addition to saying it to manipulate you).
Great!! But one quick question. What should I talk to him about… Why he’s been acting like this lately? Ive tried asking him that and he just says, “Cause there’s nothing to say.” or “How would you expect me to respond?”
Share it! Share it! Share it!!
Yeah, that doesn't work on me as I don't really believe 'sin' is a thing (bonus to not being religious, I suppose)
There are things I feel are morally wrong, and I absolutely don't spend any amount of time with people that are like that (murderers, abusers, thieves, general AHs, etc)
Does your wife like small gifts given for no reason but that you were thinking of her?
Does she like it when you walk past her and pause to smile and say “hey, did you know I love you?” and kiss her before continuing on to your task?
Does she like impromptu picnics?
Does she like going fit walks and holding hands?
Does she like cuddling on the couch watching a romantic movie?
How did you treat her when you were dating? How did you show her you loved her then?
She shouldn’t be such an absolute mystery to you. But since she is, I’d recommend that you both bring this up at your next counseling session. Because it sounds like you want her to tell you how to love her and she might not even know (or want to dictate this kind of thing).
You probably expect this, but I have to advise you to figure out how to extricate yourself from this situation. Cocaine is a pricy addiction, and users sometimes have to steal or break the law to afford it; also, fentanyl is now starting to appear in cocaine, not just in heroin. Finally, it's immoral to support the violent black-market drug trade (drug cartels).
You can tell him about cocaine starting to cause fentanyl overdose deaths, but I doubt it will make any difference.
You may not really feel the downsides of a partner with this addiction now, but eventually you will. Good luck to you, and to him also.
She isn’t fully invested in you emotionally. Cut your losses and move on. What’s the point in investing your time in someone who’s hung up on someone else?
Thank you for being so nice. I still feel so stupid about what happened because I just don't understand why I did it, it's not as though I didn't know better and its just not something I've ever felt any wish to do. Some people enjoy hook-ups and that's absolutely fine for them but I've always been really nervous and embarrassed about sex, I'm a little immature I guess and I have very old-school eastern european parents which probably didn't help me to have a normal attitude to it. An 18 year old guy hooking up with a flatmate and regretting it after sounds like a very normal, common thing but for me it really isn't and that's part of why I'm so messed up. I'm not even religious but I've always felt a lot of shame about this stuff. I feel like its important to accept my responsibility in what happened but I know I did want him to stop and I was very clear about that even though I consented in the first place and it also doesn't excuse how he acted afterwards, he could've just left me alone and pretended like it never happened.
Sorry for the ramble, I should probably be writing this stuff down for when I see the counsellor haha. I'm really grateful for your message though so thank you.
If your SO said something like “You just have to be a b*tch”, would you consider that name-calling?
He says you are a b*tch. If that isn't name-calling, I don't know what is.
Secondary question… Does anyone else's SO call them a b*tch on a regular basis?
No, I've never called a SO b*tch and I've never been called one either by a SO.
Also just realized she’s only 20. Hardly anyone knows what they want to do by 20! Give her some time, it’ll come together.
You have tried to keep a relationship with them rather than cut them off completely.
The longer it takes for you to cut their toxicity out of your life, the more damage you are doing to your relationship with your partner.
You unfortunately cannot have both.
Maybe he was trying to talk some sense into himself. I’m sure someone has brought up DARVO, yes? Textbook.
Don't stay. You struggling to be healthy and happy is not good for the kids or you. Sometimes it's better to be separated and happy.
No. The man who deserves your time is the one you're married to now.
My ex acted like I wasn't enough. He cheated on me and nearly forced me into bankruptcy. He married the misses and she dumped him 3 years later. He's been with his current wife for over 15 years. I'll never know why I wasn't enough and have had to make my peace with it. He's caused you too much pain already. Don't let thoughts of him continue to do so. If he were good enough for you, you'd be with him. Instead, you upgraded.
Of course she’s lying. She wanted something from you, didn’t get what she wanted so decided to hurt you in the worst possible way. Call out her bullshit and then block her.
She's not unaware of the things you've said about this guy, but it doesn't matter to her. She's happy and secure in her relationship, and HER intentions are the ones that matter.
Well dude you messed around and found out, listen your wife will get over and meet a new husband, have kids with him, and forget you and her harlot of a sister. She deserves to know she’s surrounded by snakes in her own nest and if you didn’t want kids with another then you shouldn’t have stuck your wick in her SISTER or any other woman who isn’t your wife. If you merk yourself you’re just dusting off responsibility of you being a MAN and telling her. You look her in her eyes and tell her what she’s done. Be the baby daddy to her sister and deal with what you have done, that should be your penance for your disloyalty to the vows you made.
After she has berated me, hit me, and pointed out all the ways I have ruined her trip
Your wife's abusive bro.
Maybe draw a picture or write a poem? If she won't accept an apology then that's on her.
You might want to talk to him about it tho or research reasons why he could do it. My cousin does it when he gets very stressed out, i do it when i get very anxious. Been this way since we were kids ive had that gross stuff under my nails as a kid. It didn't help. Shouting didnt help scolding ddnt help.
My friend's daughter picked up the habit because of her mom. And they talked about it. She just tried her best if she got too stressed to not do it infront of her daughter. Her kid grew out of it.
There can be aloot of reasons for this. I think OP is just going extreme with this shit. I couldn't imagine divorcing my husband over something that small.
You need to get the reason from him.
If it's money, if you offer to pay, how does he feel then?
Sounds A LOT like my ADHD boyfriend.
Does she have ADHD? It doesn’t excuse her behaviour, but it helps at least knowing why it happens and what her triggers are.
Without being controlling you can, but insecure can not, which is fine, feeling insecure over some things during the relationship is inevitable.
Can you ask her, if he knows you are in relationship? Lying would counterproductive, so tell her, that since he is still into her it's a nirmal cincern. You are fine with them remaining friends, but think it would natural to tell him about it.
It sucks ass that your first emotion felt when you got proposed to was feeling guilty that it’s your friend’s bday. The fact you instantly were afraid she would be pissed rather than happy for you really goes to show that it isn’t a good friendship
Can't think of any man who would put up with qhat I have. You don't know wtf you're even talking about.
You should be talking to r/nonmonogomy about this, r/relationshipadvice is not going to give you unbiased advice and I can see already people here are being judgmental and giving terrible advice and responses.
Ultimately, yes you probably should have realized that while she gave you the OK while drunk, her feelings might be different sober since she had already expressed concern and communicated that she was not comfortable with it, but at the same time this is a communication issue and if she gave you the verbal go-ahead then you are not solely in the wrong because she told you it was okay.
This is simply a communication issue that should be dealt with by continuing to communicate. Neither of you are right or wrong in this situation, you just need to continue to communicate about your wants and needs and since your partner is feeling hurt you should just focus on consoling them and communicating with them.
There are lots of great cats in the world and women who won't cheat on you. Value yourself more than a deposit and a cat. Leave her, don't add more time to four wasted years. Also get an STD test asap.
Oh girl I’m a banker and a woman, and I’m telling you to not waste any more time on this man. He’s overdrawing his account even after you’re paying a portion of his bills. If you stay with him, you will never truly be financially secure. You’ll always worry about the next payment you have to take on because you, for some reason, feel the need to bear the burden of a grown ass man who is doing absolutely nothing to carry any of it himself.
He will keep you broke and sad and you deserve so much more than that. You need to untangle yourself financially from him because he will do nothing but drag you down, and you need to leave him because no man who truly loves and respect you would put you in the position you are in now.
Keep everything 50/50.
If you expected compensation for the deposit, you should have asked when you used it as down payment, not a year later. Plus it wasn’t even money you earned, it was gifted to you.
Who hurt you? Like others said, this transcended rationality fast.
If your cat is microchipped, that person won't be able to get veterinary care unless you sign the cat over to them.
Yes, and insist the cat may be in danger, since he refuses to give him back, he may be covering for the husband killing it. Request to see it, or tell the police it may be animal cruelty quite possibly. This was the first thing I thought of. I'm very sorry.
Life is too short to date losers. Cooking is easy.
I don’t eat meat. He does. So I end up cooking dishes that can accommodate both of our dietary needs
I mean, that makes no sense.
After reading your comments, it sounds like he’s just manipulating you. If this only happens around you, he’s making shit up to get out of doing things he doesn’t want. If you really like him, you can talk to him and put your foot down, but he’d probably cry about that too.
Yea or he’s still hung up on the ex.
Dumbass. He even said it
She isn't responsible for the couple's agreement, sure, and she's also not responsible for the men's choice to cheat. But she absolutely has responsibility because she was an active participant in the cheating itself. If cheating were illegal, she would be charged as an accessory to the crime.
Her opinion is shitty and it should make you question her morals.
Fucking crazy to side with the guy using physical violence after you admittedly froze your boyfriend out. This whole group sounds toxic. Someone save Chris’s girlfriend from this group.
Yeah, in this country there are smaller packages sold in convince stores (Eg. 7-Eleven). This ones in particular are sold in packages of three according to their website.
And yes, i also thought about her getting them from the Dr. Not sure if Drs here give out not-cheap condoms in their offices, though…
Yeah, in this country there are smaller packages sold in convince stores (Eg. 7-Eleven). This ones in particular are sold in packages of three according to their website.
And yes, i also thought about her getting them from the Dr. Not sure if Drs here give out not-cheap condoms in their offices, though…
I know it sounds stupid that's why I want to make a plan
Respectfully, I disagree. You don’t know the situation any better than I do. My life experiences have taught me if you don’t know something as fundamental as views on marriage after 5 years together, there is something seriously wrong with your relationship communication. I honestly cannot think of a situation where this lack of awareness would be accepted as normal or healthy. But sadly lots of people stay in relationships way past their expiration date – afraid to be alone, unable to support themselves, low self esteem, these can all lead someone to stay.
As sad as you feel, your son is his own person. He has his own life and his own family which they are planning to grow.
I feel like you may have constantly pressured him to return to home over the past 15yrs because “it's the norm” whereas he wants to branch out, expand on himself. He doesn't want to be in his home town and your constant pressure is only pushing him further away, literally and metaphorically.
He's an independent adult who knows what he wants. You can either choose to support him or drive him away.
Not sure what you’re asking but you’re not owed a relationship and if she thinks it’s best for her then that’s her decision and it’s not for you to keep pestering her. Taking the baby out of the equation this is someone you were casually seeing and doesn’t want to be committed to you, I’m sure you realise a baby (thought circumstances aren’t ideal) shouldn’t force her hand on the commitment. Again not sure what you’re after here but she doesn’t want a relationship, discuss ways to do-parent put the baby first (no that doesn’t inclined a relationship as both parties have to want that) and go from there
Although, nah it doesn’t make sense. Because why would she invite me and him together in the first place. She only disinvited me when he stated he „wasn’t a fan of mine“.
Sounds like he has a good “vibe” then aha
The only logical reason I can think of for her actions is that she then wouldn't have to 'juggle' both of you at the same time. Especially if y'all had bad blood.
No, I think this is the right thing to do. Keep at it.
I only pick up hitchhikers if I have my ccw with me which isn't often
I'm sure you would be perfectly OK with a 35 year old woman dating 18 to 20 year old man. Yass slay queen slay. Cougars can do it, but when a guy does it he's a “Groomer”. Maybe you should stop shaming grown people for who they choose to date, marry, or be with. Especially if they are consenting adults.
Popping in on the current top comment. You posted about this a few weeks ago in AITA. You were very defensive then and it seems while you’re seeking help, you’re still not seeing a broader perspective on this.
His choices aren’t about you, they’re about him.
What if you asked that he install a bidet?
You should tell him it's not normal to throw No. 2 TP in the trash and he needs to on-line in the modern world
He needs to just grow a spine and tell you no instead of “I’ll think about it”. The fact that he won’t just say no makes me think he’s conflict averse and/or you don’t react well to being told no.
I suspect you don’t take no for an answer very well since he’s already given you reasons why he doesn’t want to wear it and yet here you are looking for ways to convince him.
A wedding is one day. A marriage is supposed to be for the long haul. Don’t get so wound up about the wedding and who’s wearing what. It doesn’t matter in the long run at all.
But also knowing how proud he is of our age gap (I used to think he’s kidding)
Joking almost always has a kernel of truth in it. Especially when you joke about it continuously. A one off joke doesn't mean much, but if it keeps coming up it's more truth than joke.
So lock the door when you leave? If you don’t want to have the conversation.
Lol he’s not being supportive enough to get a cheap studio place if you want privacy?
Business owner. He hasn’t even saved $10 let alone $150k so I don’t think it matters at this point lol
Maybe make your post more concise? That way people won't ask you the same question.
Grab your daughter and run from this paranoid psycho before he escalates the child endangerment with some other excuse to assault you.
People can grow and change. Just because she did something bad back then doesn’t mean she will do it again. A big tell would be how she talks about the past behavior. Does she own up to it, take responsibility and acknowledge it was wrong? Or does she make excuses, blame the ex and call them crazy, etc?
How are people 35 and 44 still using the pullout method and not expecting pregnancy?
What’s the difference between your friend and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb. Dude, it’s done. Affairs don’t just ruin the life of the cheater’s partner. You were complicit in the attempted, willful, destruction of a marriage, this is one of the consequences.
To clarify we don’t have kids together. I only pointed that out because we usually make plans when we’re both kid free
It's called a starter home. The entitlement that first time home buyers deserve some grand, modern home with all the amenities is absurd. Get a house you can afford, build equity, learn to renovate or budget for improvements.
Yes, I know, and I stand by my question of WTF ARE YOU DOING?
Am I wrong for giving up this time
When someone tell you who they are, listen.
Check out u/Ebbie45 for help and resources getting out of abusive relationships.
Don’t do it.
You need to decide if the relationship should continue.
Is she her own person or are you trying to date an inflatable woman that your friend hasn't used in 4 years? I think the only person who needs to have a say on whether you should date her is the person you are dating
Would be very different if this was a serious ex, like perhaps an ex wife or very long term partner, but no, he doesn't get to claim a human
You shitting with the bathroom door wide open or something?
Hell YES it’s new. It’s new, it’s the new “hysteria” that used to get women lobotomized.
Yep, he got comfortable. He let his true self out. Recommendation- move on. You got married way too young anyways. Like your brain doesn’t even stop growing till you’re 25. Go out have fun. There are better fish in the sea.
Thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it
I agree that it sounds like your boyfriend does not want to marry you. I feel like even if you give him an ultimatum and he proposed, being proposed to doesn't make you married.
Are you going to wait another 10 years for a wedding? If he's using money as an excuse not to propose, why do you think he's going to plan a wedding when it's a much larger cost?
Putting aside basically all of the specifics here.
Your girlfriend sounds like a controlling asshole. Casually using the threat to leave as a weapon signals clearly that she doesn't value you or the relationship at all. Next time she says she'll break up with you over something stupid, let her. If she's willing to throw her love for you away because you watch a new cartoon or some shit: then she clearly never loved you at all.
Not an answer to your specific question but something to think about: no one else can “make” you happy. You might want to alter that expectation.
Call emergency services.
It took six years, but you are finally starting to notice things. It’s not just the plate.
You are still trying to defend his bs though. Why else would you feel the need to tell us he helped you with your food? You thought that was sweet? You worked for your money and the vacation hours to spend it traveling overseas to spend time with him, and you are trying to tell us part of what makes him great… he helped you with a troublesome plate of food.
He does nothing. He doesn’t work. He’s nearly 30. Don’t give us that severe social anxiety story. We are living in an age where work from home is a solid possibility. There are work options for him. He is not doing them. And his parents allow this.
What would have happened to those sink dishes from the night before if you did not choose to clean up? Would they have sat there sitting in cold sludge water until Mommy came home?
You are starting to see it OP. You are putting in all the real effort. Work, money, time…. You can’t balance that with him helping you cut your pizza. It doesn’t match up.
Snobby? Entitled? That describes him a lot better than it describes you.
What real effort does he invest in your relationship? Things really don’t look equal from here.
Is your girlfriend also your employee? Because if she is not, it’s no wonder she’s taking offense.
I feel he’s being controlling about this situation. I wouldn’t get engaged or married at this point. Can you do couples therapy together to work through this? While he has some points about trust, the fact he says he HAS to have the login etc etc is very controlling and he’s acting like he owns you.
Yeah I would’ve atheist given you the checks the university sent. But maybe she doesn’t see it like that. I would just talk to her about it buddy. Just communicate
Thank you , you are a kind person . I wish you all the best.
Super unhealthy and I would walk.
Also, and this might be a stretch, but what if you got a job where she literally couldn’t have access to your phone? What would she do then?
Time to move again
It isn’t even that he talked to a woman all night- I can see that happening. There is no need for a phone number though. Situations like h to st often end with : nice to have met you, maybe we will bump into each other another time, bye! The worst is the defensive crap he came out with. Those thoughts go on in his head, he just vocalised them because he was drunk. He really is worried about that 10 year mark. What it shows is a mean spirited part of him isn’t fully into this marriage. He thinks more of his money and what you might take. So now you have a clear picture. It is quite possible he cruises around when he’s on his own. I find it very odd that he bumped into another psych nurse. Sounds like he plucked that one from thin air, but find out where she works, take an interest in what was said. Sorry your husband sounds like a slime ball.
Thank you so much. This was exactly how I was feeling about the situation and it’s nice to know my feelings are seconded.
Be calm. Sit her down and ask her if she’s lent her car out to anyone. If she says no then ask her if she’s been cheating on you. Watch her carefully, does she look you the eye?
If she asks why, just ask why she needed condoms in her car?
What worries me most here is that, after your partner knowingly trampled your known boundaries during a sex act, your immediate response was to try and make it comfortable for them by turning your discomfort into some kind of joke. As though it was more important to minimise the damage that he might be feeling than advocate for your own bodily autonomy and sense of safety.
OP, your boundaries are in place for a reason, they matter for a reason; and when it's about our bodies, we absolutely have the right to be pissed when someone doesn't respect them.
In order for consent to be fulfilled it has to be FIRE- freely given, informed, revocable, and enthusiastic.
You are ALWAYS allowed to withdraw consent at any time. If someone tries to shame you or punish you because of this, then they aren't fit to be having sex with you in the first place. I hope you can love yourself enough to get away from this person. Because this kind of punitive behaviour through emotional manipulation only escalates as time goes on.
Yep move on, he’s always gon jerk u around
A pre-nup does not mean a lack of trust or faith that the marriage will last. It means clarity about financial expectations. It gives you and your boyfriend the opportunity to determine how your financial future will be structured. You both are bringing resources to the table. You need to have a mature discussion about what this means. This agreement is necessary even if you never divorce. But if you do divorce, it’s better to have ironed out all of the details when you’re in love with each other and want to be fair, rather than when you’re in the upheaval of divorce.
You sound like a angry virgin lmao
She's not “allowing” or “not allowing” you to do anything. You're a grown man making your own decisions. She has communicated her needs in a relationship. You arent able to meet those needs. Instead of trying to jam two pieces together that dont fit, walk and live! out your dreams.
I had an abusive boyfriend in high school that said this to me and it stuck with me. I turn 50 this year, was married to my kids dad for 13 years and my current husband and I have been together for almost 20. My husband loves the way I taste but I can’t get out of my own head to enjoy it. Fuck your boyfriend!
Let ur bf keep fucking ur mom.
I'm not sure. I know she can be insecure, so I thought maybe seeing me aroused by other women might have been the thing that upset her. But I asked and she told me that's not it, according to her it was just something about seeing me jerk off that apparently made her really upset. I didn't ask about the porn or sex addiction thing, I haven't really brought it up since our last talk and we aren't talking much right now anyway. Probably a good thing to try and find out though.
Is it even a real brother?
Is there any way to check his identity?
Wouldn't be quite a surprise to me if it came out they weren't even kin.
please stop dating children. (she is an adult, but you are 29/23. that is a significant age gap at this age.) date women with roughly equal life experience to you and you will discover this.
No, I get it. I've yet to meet a man who understands the concept. I don't expect you to either. Kids come first, always. Sometimes that means you have to support your kids' support system, too. You don't have kids, so I'm not going to waste time trying to convince you what good parenting looks like.
Oh dear, don’t try to “convince” anyone! That’s a terrible way to go about this.
You just have to be honest. Be honest about your feelings, your intentions. Be sincere about your contrition and tell him you want him back.
Be prepared to hear “no”. We don’t always get what we want.
Or maybe he will say “no” and orbit around once he processes things.
But never, ever, EVER try to “convince” anyone to stay with you. You deserve someone who wants to be with you of their own free will. You want to be chosen and that’s very normal and human.
Be honest. It really goes a long way.
Worst case scenario: you’ve learned something about yourself
Him moving his friend in to help her has nothing to do with us go away troll.
As long as you’ve learned from your mistakes that’s all that matters. Your “friends” are showing you who they are and how little they think of you. Block them and move on. It will suck at first but you’ll eventually see how much better you are without them. When you have good quality friends you won’t feel like a doormat or an emotional punching bag.
A good case for going to HR.
The closure is that he was just done with the relationship but doesn’t have the balls to just say I’m done. If you didn’t have a fight, it just means he stopped being into you or saw a girl he wants to pursue more.
This sounds like a 6 months to 1 year relationship. A ton of people these days are emotionally immature and non confrontational. He unblocked you because he felt bad but basically he just fudged a clean break. He’s a jerk for not giving you a simple, singular and honest answer but thems the breaks.
And your mom can kick rocks. You don’t need a man who needs to be appeased and not interrogated. PEOPLE don’t like to be interrogated, it’s not exclusive to men.
It’s a wonderful time in your life to love too much and too recklessly.
There are obvious boundaries you can assume people have, but an emotional and long text message about how much you love your person isn’t one of them.
Now, if you can always ask in advance and they can always tell you afterwards that it’s too much but you’re not stomping any boundaries so far here.
Mention it.
You can’t let her see her damn daughter?
I completely agree with that and his reaction. Those people where instantly cut off. I guess my question is should I completely cut off the male friends that I have that has never crossed the line because a couple has, and to avoid all men completely? I guess what keeps me conflicted and kind of sets me off that I forgot to add on to the post is that he has women friends and talks to them but claims that they’re not his friends and recently made a new one but lied and said it’s not his friend but his friend’s friend
If you don’t respond she’ll never know if you got it and will have to move on
I know that's why I feel awful. I view cheating as the worst of the worst thing that could happen in a relationship and I swore not to get involved in any form of it ever. Which I broke and there is no excuse for that.
Tell him that it's probably because he was a frog once himself. That was until you kissed him and turned him into a prince.
As a grill cook this is fuckin spot on
Date a loser, get loser results
Lol. So many red flags. You should’ve just not posted this once you read what you wrote and ended it with him
If not having sex significantly negatively impacts your mental health then I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but that is an issue.
she chose to harm you
⬆ This! I cannot emphasize this enough. She went out of her way to turn people IRL against you, told lies to your family, did the best (worst!) she could to make damage.
For your own mental health, ignore and block her. If she shows up again at your family's business, call the police.
Right? Plot thickens.
Start home workouts. Not everyone likes a gym or machines. YouTube home workouts you both can do for 20-30 minutes. Look up Zumba, they have Disney sing along workouts, try beginner options, etc.
No not at all. I love her as a whole, that’s why I’m with her. It’s strictly her face because the new colour is just so prominent. I’m completely aware it’s wrong of me to change how I feel over something so small, it’s just the colour is so harsh I find it’s the only thing I focus on and it doesn’t fit my taste
This is so crazy, alone time is an essential part of any relationship.
Or one from today where the bf leaves piss all over the toilet and literal shit on the toilet SEAT
Your boyfriend can most likely make more money in the US than in Spain. The employment rate and average income in the US are considerably higher.
I would simply advise you to move on with your life and skip the two month reunion. It's petty clear that she wants to experience other relationships and wants a “break” to do that…. So why would you give your GF a hall pass for two months and then take her back used by others? Nope…she wants out, then that's fine. Wish her well and bid goodbye on a permanent basis and move on with your life and without her.
Your youngest won't even remember this wedding. But what to do probably depends on what your relationships with your families and close friends are. If you're both close with your respective parents and they'd like to see you get married then it might be worth doing something more than to “elope”. You could also split the difference and do a courthouse ceremony with just two witnesses then have some kind of a small get together afterwards.
And?
That's a discussion you have before you buy a house!
She also didn't provide the entire down payment.
“because he does not like the way he looks and he feels like I am patronizing or teasing him.”
HE doesn't like himself.
She likes him.
He makes HER the problem. Where in reality his perception of himself is the problem.
He seems to need therapy. And a close look at what makes him hate his looks so much.
It's ok to just walk away from the phone and stop acting like a fucking child, I promise you.
Is he in high school?
Still lives with dad at age 39 and deals with conflict with the silent treatment? ???
OP your relationship is over. Suggest you pretend you never had one, just be polite and friendly.
If he confronts you treat him as D4, (dangerously, deranged, and deeply deluded). Speak in a slow, exaggeratedly quiet voice designed to keep him calm (like a mental patient). Don’t escalate things.
We are going NO CONTACT!
Prior to you asking her where she slept, did she know/have you communicated to her that her sleeping over makes you uncomfortable? Sure I understand you don’t want to restrict her, but you can/should still communicate your feelings and boundaries…
To me, her going ahead and still doing so after you voiced your concerns shows a clear disregard and disrespect of your feelings… I’d take it as a sign she doesn’t care at all.
Also, I personally told my partner early on that he can meet/socialise with whoever he wants to of the opposite sex as long as I’ve met them or as long as he’s ok with me meeting them. I do think it’s a bit weird you haven’t (or she hasn’t let you) meet her friends she’s supposedly “so close with”… given that you’re her partner.
is there any way to work it out? other than this he is a very caring and loving person so i find it nude to give up on what we have.
You know you need to leave him, so there's no need to mention that. Instead I'll offer how you can leave.
You start seeing a therapist and tell your close friends what you've found out. You cut off his internet access (is it under your name/does he do it at yours) where you can and every day remind yourself, “he looks at cp. He is attracted to children” everyday, until the part of your brain trying to “fix” this comes around to reality.
This person is a danger to your children. You should leave him.
Correct, we had planned a get together next month.
Thank you. I'm going to find one soon and show this. I don't have much evidence of anything after we were married but who knows I'm sure if I dig more there will be more stuff.
Honestly, he isn't worth it. No one is. He's going to destroy you. This isn't the way someone acts with someone they love and respect.
You've only been together a few months, and in a few months more he'll be a memory. A little while after that, you will realize how unhealthy this relationship was.
The easiest thing to do would just be break up with him by text and never see him again. If you can't manage to do that, just make sure you're always using at least two forms of birth control until you figure out you have to break up with him.
I feel like your partner is trying to sabotage your relationship so that you get annoyed and leave. Because there’s really no reason why he needs to stay in contact with this ex so much, in secret no less. It’s a bit ridiculous what he’s doing, and that’s even before we consider you meeting the ex etc.
And the dog and the pregnancy reveal? Sit your fiancé down and ask him what’s really going on. Maybe he wants to break up but is too coward to do it.
Her emotions can turn like a switch, but recently they haven't been as extreme. If she becomes physically again, I'll leave right away, but for now I'll hold out as long as I can until it's best for me. I have pictures of most of the emails, but I will try to forward them all. I'm also going to try to look at her whatsapp account today if it's possible.
Gotta nut up and confess in a way that wouldn't destroy your friendship if you get rejected. Just be honest, genuine, and be ready for the possibility that your feelings won't be reciprocated. Also give us the update ASAP LOL
I appreciate your thoughts, that all makes a lot of sense to me and I took it in. Thank you:)
A question before I answer yours, you didn't really explain “why” it is important, for me I send the text because my wives health depends on it and it gives me motivation. So what is your why.
He’s very often annoyed with me. It’d be more of a quiet, stewing, tense anger than a rage. And I’m sure he will be hurt. I feel like garbage about it. But he’s going to be mad on top of that.
Nice catch, those figures are really, really rough estimates. And I’m sure that’s what I’m doing, that’s a fair point. I’ll change the verbiage to be a little more neutral.
Actually if she had a positive pregnancy test on August 26 d/t date of conception being August 15, your actual estimated due date is May 8 I say estimate because typically it is an estimate.
NTA. Preference doesn't equal phobia or discrimination.
She’s already toxically controlling and showing signs of possible abusive behavior in the future. Relationships must have trust. If you aren’t breaking the trust, there’s no reason for her to be this insecure. Not always, but very often, people who point fingers and become obsessed with this type of thing, are the ones cheating. Reflect and you may see signs that’s she’s actually cheated. Either way it’s best to leave this type of relationship.
He isnt as financially stable and likes to stay home, you are the one that is forcing him to go out on dates, and you are mad that he doesnt want to pay. Alrighty then.
Why?
The client put it out as trash, taking it wasn’t wrong in any way.
Apparently as much as 7/10 men don’t even wash their asshole, from what a medical professional posted about on here. You would be absolutely amazed how many people are never taught to wash themselves properly.
She tells me how her stomach sometimes hurts and how even her lady parts down there hurts when she needs to use the restroom.
She should schedule an appointment with her health care provider to get tested for any infection or the like.
I don’t understand why you think someone whose life you ruined would be interested in you in the slightest, and it leads me to believe that you haven’t changed at all. Please go back into therapy, because your entire post and logic are still focused only on what you want, with not a shred of empathy for your “friend”. Do this guy a favor and stay very, very far away.
If a girl loudly proclaimed she wore a sexy outfit in inappropriate weather “for” your boyfriend, and he didn't take that opportunity to put her in her place, I would leave the relationship. That's crossing a line he shouldn't be letting her cross, and I agree that this relationship is high risk for him to cheat if “the stars align” so to speak.
Also, I recommend to place details on the invitation… be very specific. Tell them what to bring and provide the campsite info and website so, they know what they’re in for. Frankly, just don’t plan a party for him anymore.
Yeah, that’s why I wonder if I’m just being dramatic. If I were him, even if I knew he didn’t want to talk about it, I’d say “I am sending you good thoughts this morning” or SOMETHING. But maybe he just thinks I want privacy?
I do think this sucks and you dont deserve to be abused but why on earth do you think your son isn't forming memories? He very well may remember this, you can develop ptsd as young as 1 yr old
I mean he sounds honest. You both even saw a films progress going up with both of you not doing anything.
If you trust him then I think nothing here says he is lying and his explanation sounds plausible given the evidence you both witnessed.
Came here to say this.
Thank you, hearing that makes me feel a little better
Saying she sucks at something is not feedback, feedback would be telling her how to improve.
Nah you are. You changed the date to make it look like that.
Nah you are. You changed the date to make it look like that.
Youre a stripper. Most men wont date you seriously tbh
100%. I would say that in my practice, a good 30% of divorces are due to financial issues, 50% are related to children (disagreements about parenting, one parent not doing their fair share of parenting and/or household chores), and the other 20% are a mish-mash.
Because nothing else seems to have worked so far, we keep kicking the can down the road for almost 7 years and currently, we can’t decide whether we buy a house, get married or even buy new furniture until the big decision is sorted so it is and will cause frustration and resentment. This unresolved matter is slowly spilling and rotting a lot of areas of our life and, in order to get perspective, we have realised to need to space to (1) realise if, even outside of the relationship, we want children at all and (2) if we do, should we have children together.
You handled everything with her perfectly. You are respecting yourself and I would add that you are respecting her too.
She wants to not date. That’s fine. You are friendly but not willing to be abused.
First of all, you aren't dumb, and your feelings aren't dumb. Cry, let it all out. Whether he was good for you or not, you spent 3 years together, and its still a loss. Your sadness and regret and heartbreak is all very valid hon. Allow yourself to cry, because thats where healing happens. Its also how you heal your past trauma too. You are going to be ok. You are hurting right now, but you will bounce back better than before. ❤
I think they went to the same college.
I understand your dilemma. I had to go through almost exactly the same thing. I felt guilty for not wanting my father in my life, until a really wise teacher suggested that someone who appears out of nowhere and badgers you for ANYTHING is only interested in what they can get. YOU KNOW THIS ABOUT HIM. Do not spend another minute “figuring out” what anyone wants who behaves this way. It's low level gorilla badgering to get the last banana kind of stuff. All his ego AGAIN nothing to do with you. Ritual helps though, so I suggest what I did. I showed up at his job at quitting time and in the waiting room, with people milling about, I told him that I didn't want to hear from or about him. No calls, texts, letters, others speaking for him, ever again as long as I lived. I told him that despite what he wants, I'd never been on that “things he wants” list and he now resides in my personal trash heap. I told him that anyone who attempts to contact me about my life events will deal with a police officer investigating harrassment. Period. Zero access. You lose. No. Done. Finished. Doing it in public keeps him in check and gives you the opportunity to say anything at all that you want. He will be paying very close attention because you are in his place of business. Then leave. If he reaches to touch you to stop you, really holler DON'T TOUCH ME, but I doubt he will do it. So far he thinks he can aggress toward you any way he chooses. Make it public, record it as you speak with your phone on him, and leave nothing out. This remains the single most satisfying thing I've ever done in my life and I was shaking the entire time. But it finished it. Forever.
The same college, then the same major, and then the same teachers? That's too much of a coincidence.
Ok thank you
Sorry I meant were you like this before? Like was this a problem for you (your issues) before you were married?
You don't do those things without having some discussions or at least hints/flirting that implies you enjoy that kind of thing. I say this as a man who is into BDSM.
It sounds like he wants someone young who won't say no, considering how poorly he handled your no. Bullet dodged
Yeah so when Steve actually crosses the line and goes farther than just saying racist shit, your boyfriend will still back him. He’s the type that stands around and watches his neighbors be dragged off during the holocaust or watches the lynching but doesn’t anything to actively stop or help. If he’s not a racist or bigot, in my opinion he’s worse, because he knows it’s wrong and won’t sacrifice anything to stop it. And you’re on here bitching about Steve and defending your bf because you don’t want to sacrifice anything either which makes all your self righteous I don’t like the word etc lip service as well. People who don’t want to be around racists aren’t. People don’t defend racists if they aren’t.
Oop!
If you two are committed to being a couple then being legally married gives you a boatload of very important legal rights and tax advantages.
Starting with your post, his comment that “the court would be unfair in what each of us receive” is the exact opposite of what the actual facts are. Not sure what you mean by “if something were to happen, but: If it's death then being married gives you special rights to the property of your partner if they die without a will or trust. Without being married you might end up with nothing. If they are hospitalized then if you are legally married you have the right to see your spouse and get medical information on their status, unless they specifically exclude you. If you aren't married you don't have that right and any f his legal relatives can tell the hospital to keep you blocked from all info, blocked from visitation and kicked out of the hospital. If you get divorced then each party has specific rights to the marital home and assets and any disputes need to be either agreed up between the parties or settled by a judge. Yes, sometimes one party doesn't think a divorce judgement is fair but at least it is based on established law and determined by a judge. If you are not married then any claim to assets that should be joint including money, investments, the house you're living in and all of the shared possessions in it are blowing in the wind.
If you're married you get lots of tax breaks by filing jointly and legally being able to share specific tax benefits that normally would only apply to one or the other.
All that is just beginning to touch the surface of the legal rights that come with being legally married. I was looking for a recent post I thought I saved but can't find. It was a very sad story of one partner in a very long term relationship, who never married the other partner, got cut off from access when a partner got sick, excluded from the funeral arraignments after the partner died. Then and cut off from their home and household property that was in the name of the deceased partner and grabbed up by greedy relatives.
Your inheritance is right where your mom wanted it to be so go do with it what you will..My sister inherited a couple hundred thousand dollars and she did what she wanted with it and I'm glad because she passed away a couple of years later, we can never know what tomorrow brings so live! in the present and go have all the fun you can possibly fit in while you can.
My darling, this is not unheard of. I'm 25. I've had the same issue as you my entire life despite dating and having sex for the last 9 years with 3 different partners. Keep trying and don't give up. You'll find something that works for you or learn to understand that's just how your body is.
Yes, but OP would need a minimum of 500,000 USD in investments for Fisher Investments to be interested in OP as a client.
It really depends on the size of the woman, how she stores fat, pelvic floor strength, obstetric history, gynaecological history.. so many factors ahahah
But just from my experience, very large women (I’m talking BMI 35+) tend to be very difficult to perform vaginal examinations on since the walls of the vagina tend to become quite snug and the fat around the vulva can make things harder to reach. So a bit of both external and internal, depending on the size
Is this not how everyone wants sex to be? How does he think it should work?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So basically I’ve been with my husband for 4 years and got married almost a year ago. Today I found out that he activated his tinder account this past weekend while out of town for a job interview to “seek validation that girls still found him attractive.” I asked for his phone and noticed he received verification codes in Aug (while on work trip to Boston), Oct, March, and this past weekend. He originally told me that he didn’t message any women but I had him login and he had message over 5 women this past weekend. The messages were flirty and it was obvious to me he was trying to get something out of it at least validation. What should I do? I’m currently set on separating and possibly divorce but I still love him.
No meds, he’s good on some days bad on some days. I’d say generally he’s pretty okay but he definitely has his days where life gets him down
I would like to add that they have no children and I have been cleaning up her messes since she left. two of our spare bedrooms are full floor, almost to ceiling of her stuff. You literally can’t walk in there and we can’t utilize our outdoor building because it’s full of her stuff in the same condition. They have been divorced for about five months now, and we have asked her repeatedly to come get her belongings, she always has excuses as to why she can’t. She doesn’t have the time or the money but then we see on Facebook she’s getting new tattoos and brand new gaming laptops and going and doing all of these things so she clearly has the money and the time she got caught in her own lies. When he finally put his foot down firmly, but kindly and said look, we need to utilize our house. We need you to come get your things. She called me Petty and said that 14 years together must not have meant anything to him, trying to emotionally manipulate him and then talked quite a bit of crap about me. she shows up and is only here for about an hour and a half which the agreement we had come to us that she would come on Saturday and be here all day and take all of her things and that if there was a little bit of trash leftover. We would dispose of it for her. We had already cleaned everything up to make it a bit easier and less overwhelming for her and I had even gone as far as to pack some of her things to make it easier as well. She picks like five items in that hour and a half, while grumbling and talking crap about me, and making snide remarks and then has the audacity to tell us I don’t care about any of it just throw it all away and then “accidentally” called my fiancé love. After she left, we went to look in the room and she had left a store-bought painting that said an incredibly Petty message about how marriage only works if you’re with the right person and we had to haul off six truckloads of junk and trash. And we haven’t even reached the building yet. she’s playing the victim And trying to make me out to be the villain in the story but in reality, me and my fiancé have gone above and beyond to try to make her feel comfortable, and make things easier for her, we have shown her such kindness in all of this. she’s shown countless times that she doesn’t respect me and she doesn’t respect us let alone our relationship. It’s very clear that she wants to be with him and he does not want to be with her and I just don’t know how to handle this I don’t wanna be that woman that doesn’t allow her man to be friends with other females, but when it comes to his ex-wife, who clearly isn’t over him and doesn’t respect boundaries, that have been set, what am I supposed to do about that? What are we supposed to do about that. due to some not yet finished financial situations where they are still tied up, she could cause some real problems for us. We just don't understand why. How should we handle this?
you definitely online up to your username ??
you tried cutting yourself before? no..go ahead and start there. if you like that then mabye you will like severing your leg. No need to judge…did you know on the internet there is no shortage of people that want to argue with you over everything.
So you’re the problem in this. You don’t pester someone into marrying you. If you have to convince someone to be with you, you shouldn’t want that.
I don’t know if this is mobile Reddit but I apologize to the two other comments. I genuinely can’t see them when I come to my post. :/
No, I want him to hurt him because he’s never hurt and he’s unaffected. Im very angry. Im nice when we get back together until he makes me feel shitty again. I just won’t Shutup about being exploited and treated like shit.
He said he'll try, if he shows no signs of improvement you'll know he doesn't care.
This comes off as you being groomed by a man who never really cared for you in the first place. I can’t say for sure, but if he was near 30 and you were barely out of high school then that doesn’t sound healthy by any stretch of the imagination
It's always a partners job to communicate and help guide you through things in life you might not be fully equipped at the time to handle on your own. Both genders.
Is it my job to get my girlfriend to stop crying when she misunderstands something I say or do? No, and you logically would be inclined to agree. But I'm going to do it anyway because I love her.
Give it time OP. It's fresh, it's super shitty, and it fucking hurts.
In time you'll process it, you'll be angry, you'll harden up a bit from such a shitty feed done to you, and you'll pull through fine.
Sorry for what you're going through, but dude, you're 23. You have plenty of time to move on and find someone amazing.
Forget she exists and move on.
Easy to say, very hard to do, but you owe it to yourself to not let this eat you up.
RIP you’d better get a vasectomy asap
You know, I don’t have anybody to tell them exactly what I feel for her, I don’t think my friends could understand in anyway. I’ve been so afraid that I might be doing something wrong, too selfless or outwardly stupid, so I went on Reddit, the only place I feel like I can be honest. Finally hearing someone telling me, that my approach is not wrong is literally bringing tears of joy to my eyes. I’m so damn thankful. Thank you.
I am not sure how you are keeping it together and not saying anything. More power to you but I would let her know before she leaves or as she is traveling. Then just enjoy listening to the excuses fly and hopefully ruin her trip. That’s just me – I would want to do petty stuff too. She ruined your relationship, the least you could do is ruin her trip.
I’ve been to Rome 3 times and each time has been a completely different experience as if I’d never been before. And this was one city. A friends holiday V a couples holiday are very different and it’s really likely your BF will have the first time experience with you aswell.
It sounds like he has a dark sense of humor for sure. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. It sounds like he’s just amused by gross-outs and TV melodrama from the evidence you gave. It’s not necessarily misogynistic either imo, there’s not enough evidence here to support that.
If he’s a pediatrician, a very competitive job, he probably works very very hot and has to deal with a fair number of sick/dying kids and desperate parents. He also has personal experience dealing with cadavers in training, so that may have been where the “why didn’t you gross her out more” came from. I get the sense a lot of people in the medical industry can be a bit morbid as a way of coping. I have a family friend who’s an EMT and won’t stop recommending me literally the grossest possible crime shows lol. Says he always sees the “what” and knowing some of the “why” provides closure to him. Not saying this is the exact same with your boyfriend, but he might have a point of view that’s related.
I also don’t think it necessarily means he’s immature because you’re dating while you’re 10 years younger. If you were 20 and 30, or oh, god, 18 and 28, sure, but 25 and 35 seems workable to me, at least for a lot of personalities.
Don’t get me wrong, if he’s consistently driving you crazy, or this is the tip of the iceberg for deeper-seated doubts you have about him, by all means this may not be a match for you. I just wanted to temper some of the highly voted judgier comments here. You might want to consider talking to him about how it makes you feel and why it makes you feel bad. Like the images it puts in your head when he says that kind of stuff. Good luck!!
Okay first thing…how real is this actually? You specified that you met live! and did things together on calls, but later you did not mention even once which of these other activities you two are doing together are on-line and which are in real life. How often did you actually meet in real life? If I'm reading this right and you barely met her in real life, or not at all, then I'm sorry to say but were never in a relationship, you just had an on-line chatting buddy. This kind of a “relationship” only lasts until something better pops up on the horizon.
If I read it wrong and you did meet frequently irl, it's still over it seems. High school relationships rarely last, people change too much through these formative years, they change their lifestyle, move to different cities, new friend groups etc. It seems she's checked out quite a long time, and you already convinced her to stay 4 times. Chances are she just stays not to make you feel bad.
You have no idea what I have been through, and additionally what kind of caretaking I have done for my family members as they passed. Yes, I have dealt with serious illness before – however, never in a relationship dynamic, and that is why I came for advice. Thanks for the comment!
I call everything as I see it. Maybe he shouldn’t be a pastor. But at least I have to try for my ex wife.
Run why you can.
You should dump her for even asking
Can’t trust girls like this my guy. Anyone above the age of 18 that cares about ‘snap streaks’ is sus.
Yea y’all better than me cuz one of us woulda been goin to jail .. not bout to wake up wit a fuckin attitude. Miserable.
You have a child around this person?!
Oh he's going to, at best beat you with in an inch of your life. But, could very much murder both of you.
Get out now.
You have to be able to differentiate between the natural slowdown in romance between the “courting” phase and the “official” phase and the potential that maybe you and he just aren't in alignment with your relationship expectations. When people are trying to win a partner they do things that can't possibly be kept up indefinitely ('cause no one can devote that much time/money/attention forever). So once things are “official” it's normal for the over the top gestures to go away. But if once he's “got” you he's just given up even trying to be romantic ever, that's a problem that may mean you and he aren't a great match.
Work all of this out – including what to tell your ex – with your therapist.
This sounds like the beginning of a really bad spy movie…
You’re probably right. Thank you for your input. I guess that’s why I posted in the first place, huh? To get someone to say that to me. He says he wants to marry me all the time. Not sure if that means anything, I guess. I know I have dependency issues. There are a bunch of little things at stake and eating at me. My sister is getting married this summer and my boyfriend is a groomsman. We’re super close to each others families. I worry about how my relationship ending will effect everyone around me. Idk.
Short answer. Been there. My best childhood friend is also heavily intellectual, so when I want to have a conversation like that I call her. If you are really intelligent, there is a very limited amount of people you feel stimulated talking to. So the answer may be to just find a good friend you can have those conversations with. Not everyone can be everything for you. Just communicate clearly. Don't tell your partner their too dumb to have these conversations or anything like that, but don't hide them and let them eavesdrop if they want. Most likely they are not interested in those kind of conversations anyways.
I am going to approach this in a statistics/science approach.
Sperm dies very quickly. The moment the sperm lands, a majority of them die. If they were to do this “donation” properly, he would still have to shoot it inside her or shoot it on her and she has to shove it in quickly.
And she would also have to know exactly when she is ovulating. If the “receiver” is not tracking her ovulation by basal temperature, she won’t actually know when she is fertile. Using the Flo app is NOT accurate. And even if she properly did this, the actual chance of pregnancy is ~30% in a month.
The likelihood that he will have this child is about 30% if it was a one time act. And honestly probably less if he didn’t fuck her.
So if it was a one time act, it would be unlikely for her to actually come out pregnant unless all the conditions listed above all happened. I somehow doubt this lady he found on-line is tracking her basal temperature. So let’s go to the other idea: If he was actively cheating on you and has been fucking her for a while, then there would be an actual chance of pregnancy.
I’m going to venture to guess that you are also a full time mom for your daughter, and that she’s probably pretty young. You’re balancing childcare/housework with school, and a job. That’s a lot!! I’d be damn tired.
On top of this, your partner’s health is impacting your whole family, his lack of action is placing a lot of pressure and added responsibility onto your plate, and his unwillingness to get treatment has resulted in you disconnecting from him romantically. That makes sense, completely. That’s a lot.
You need to get some support around you. Depending on your school, most colleges and universities offer some kind of short term counseling or therapy at low cost or sometimes free. See what’s available to you, you deserve the support. You may also be able to find resources through local organizations for therapy or counseling, your local library or hospital can usually hook you up with information and tips.
You need to decide if you want to continue with this relationship, or if you have already given it as much as you can and are done. Love changes over time and it can come and go. You should ask yourself some tough questions, and it’s okay to not know the answer right now. Is romantic love an important factor in long term relationships /marriage for you? Do you see yourself falling back in love with your partner? What would need to change to allow you to fall back in love? Is your partner capable of those changes? Do you want to stand by and support him while he makes those changes?
Give yourself time to figure this out. Talk to trusted friends and family. Get support around you and it will help you feel more grounded and stable. You can move on the timeline that feels best for you and your daughter. She is going to be happiest with healthy, stable parents who are on good terms and treat each other well. You don’t need to be married to provide that for her.
Whatever you do next, I hope you know how brave it is to get to this point and say it out loud. A lot of people bottle these the lights and feelings up and have a miserable marriage. You only get 1 shot at life, it’s okay to change the plan.
Legally speaking he cant do shit. Any gifts given to someone else including money belongs to that person who received it and they do not need to give it back.
Personally I would like to beat the living shit out of him for everything you have been through. Hes no real man.
Show the police the messages you have received from him. What kind of dumb fuck is your ex tho really? Like if anyone should be calling the police its you.
I mean the sketchy therapist aside let's just be really crass. He went to a massage parlor at midnight. He was going to cum. If another woman made him cum when he is in a committed relationship – that's cheating. He will absolutely do it again, and do you want him to tell you that? “Hey babe gonna go get my nut from a massage parlor, be back!” like?
Is this even worth saving? I personally wouldn't because nothing justifies cheating – which is what he did. Sex life isn't great? Work on it. Oh neither of you are working on it? Well then I mean why bother saying you wanna fix it? I dunno, I know for me, even if my partner and I were actively working on fixing us, if I found out they went and had someone else take care of them it'd be over.
He doesn’t trust you, or he can’t be trusted and is projecting so both are a problem. Either way, you say listen for you to be worried about someone else who happens to be in the house is insulting. If you can’t trust me to be in a room or house with him then there a big red flag for our trust levels. And also, if you’re that kind of person you don’t need the cover of night or alcohol to cheat.
Haha, I've gotten the perma hammer so I must be an extra big AH ?
Nah you’re not ready to date. I’d also go to therapy too. Grieve properly and give yourself some time. Serious time. You’ll know when you’re ready again.
BF: “ You can’t see your family, because I decide what constitutes a vacation. And not controlling your movement and autonomy is a boundary of mine”
You: Is this controlling behavior?
Seriously? This is insanely controlling and an attempt to isolate you from your family (aka support structure)
RUN! RUN RUN RUN!!!!
Thank you!! Helps ease the nerves. Not too worried about the gift, just stressing me out as we haven’t been dating awhile so don’t want to scare her off. I just need to stop overthinking it!
I’m sorry, I don’t see how this can be saved. Alcoholism, cocaine addiction and depression are all serious. He likely needs medical supervision to detox. He then needs a lot of support in terms of therapy and support groups to stay sober. While people theoretically can do it, your bf seems very against getting the kind of help he needs. I think you need to talk to a lawyer. Lock down your financials and sort the flat. He will continue to find ways to steal from you, or to freeload off you.
If he reaches out for professional help for addiction, debt advice, and most importantly, his mental health am I a pushover if I then choose to stay in this relationship?
I don't know about the relationship but you would be a fool to stay in the same residence as him, where he has access to your wallet, your SSN, and any valuable belongings of yours. You'd also be a fool to not have some hot, clear expectations of him going forward.
He needs to online somewhere else.
He needs to seek immediate help and support and continue with that until you say otherwise. It isn't up to him to make the call that he doesn't need help or support anymore as long as you are still in a relationship with him.
He needs to immediately begin paying you back.
No drug or alcohol use at all. Not even a little bit.
Break it off. You don’t have a mortgage children or a marriage. In fact, this is a blessing because now you won’t be stuck in a dead bedroom with somebody for long term break it off and go find yourself a different kind of partner.
She could flip??? She unplugged all the electronics and brought them upstairs while throwing all of his clothes downstairs. This person is completely unhinged
Everyone is entitled to an opinion mate. And whether it's the OPs business or not it's really naive to think that how we behave has no effect on other people's opinions.
Dude you know you need to break up. If you feel you have to walk on egg shells then it’s indicative of abuse and harassment.
She has issues. She doesn’t want you hanging out with friends, it’s a control thing psychotic girls do. Let me guess she has no girl friends right because she psychotic and not liked by others?
She’s trying to manipulate you into staying home Friday nights with her so you can both be miserable. By arguing every Friday day night she’s hoping you’ll just give in and not go.
She psychotically jealous, you obviously deserve better and she needs to be alone and fix her mental health issues rather than bring another person down with her.
Sorry to say it sounds like she may have met someone else and wants to be free to pursue that. Assume the two of you will not get back together and take whatever steps you need to in order to keep yourself financially safe. Buying a house together just a few years into a relationship was not smart. Work all of that out first and foremost so that you don't get screwed over in the process of separating.
I kinda get it lol. Don't know how to explain it but I also wouldn't wanna travel with my bf if he already travelled with his exes in the past. I guess travelling feels more special than watching games or theme parks. I mean these are very common places and most people go with their friends or family first anyways. Its not a special place. It doesn't feel good if his most memorable memories of Italy is when he went to xx place with his ex, or if we go to a cool place in a country but he is probably thinking about that time he went with his ex there and how nice it was lol. Idk. So I get why your gf thinks this way tbh.
But if she already paid, its kinda stupid to not go. I'd say try finding a friend that would want to go with you if she really doesn't want to go.
Help out?! He lives there with you, but he's not doing half of what needs doing? That's an issue! Just because at the beginning of the relationship when you moved in together, he wasn't able to? Doesn't mean he can't now. He's just grown accustomed to you doing everything. Let me tell you something OP: You're sick. You are experiencing medical grade exhaustion. Boyfriend needs to do 80% of the chores right now! I am glad he is stable on his new medication. This should free him up to help you like you helped him. And it won't be easy for him because he hasn't been asked to do anything. That is about to change. Believe me if you wind up staying with this guy? Explaining how this is going to work will be time well spent. If he's not willing to show up for you like this? Please get out of this relationship.
This whole relationship sounds like a Shakespeare tragedy, just leave him and be happy, he's got issues that no one seems to be able to fix.
You guys should make some kind of ongoing gift list/wish list that you can both add to. And then pick from when it’s time for holidays and birthdays. Amazon let’s you do this, for example.
Because I’m gonna be honest with you, the gifts you mentioned don’t sound great either. And you guys clearly don’t communicate on this topic very well. I’d be curious if she really likes her gifts as well.
I really appreciate all the kindness and care you put into that comment. I can tell you're someone who really cares about others and is trying to do your best. But, sorry you are really bad at telling what is projection and what isn't.
Sounds like you need therapy instead. I hope you're finally able to heal from whatever is wrong with you ❤️
Skip the frat party and go on an actual date with Jake. The whole frat sounds awful, especially your “friend” Brad. If you like Jake then who cares what other think. You won’t even know any of these frat people after you graduate, so it’s a waste of time anyway
This relationship sounds like its well past done. A therapist should never be giving advice and telling him what to say, they're supposed to be neutral and the fact that he is using her as another manipulation technique just goes to show that he can't actually work on his behaviours for the better.
It won't get better, just worse.
for real – at least in high school theres the close vicinity and everyone knows everyone excuse. in college, worst case scenario some frat dudes know u hook up with someone and talk about you behind your back and you easily have the choice of never going back to their house
Hahaha but aren’t we all hiding something if not many things, when we close the bathroom door?
(Point taken though)
You know the answer, he’s lying and cheating and he will not tell the truth unless he’s back into a corner, call his bluff and tell the wife of the friend. If you guys are friends you should tell her anyway
You will regret it if you decide to believe BF. He is lying.
Who said anything about this being gender specific? In any healthy relationship there are things that you need to learn about eachother. Some are easy, some are very hot. If she wants to stay with him, there's nothing wrong with trying different methods. Especially if everything is fine outside of that one thing.
Yeah that sounds like some bullshit. Real talk is this guy worth the stress? You are young this the best time for a woman imo. No kids and the biological clock isn't ticking(not that you have to reproduce ever). As long as you pay your bills on time have fun and don't waste time on people who will drag you down.
He's not gonna learn in a week. That's unrealistic.
Abusers know perfectly well how their actions make you feel. That's why they are doing them.
It feels like you are a doormat. He is not gonna change. He will because he was caught, but once that’s done, there will be another 10k gone or someone else assaulted. That you so nonchalantly say you are going to see him through therapy is gross and you need to wake up and protect those kids.
What if he is impulsive and touches them? Will you see him through therapy too. Get out while can and he for he victimizes your children.
Please stand up for you and your kids.
lol!
And you only know about this groping incident because he was caught. How many other women has he done this or similar disgusting acts to without it being reported or without the police catching him? Men who assault women like this are rarely caught the first time (or so I’ve read).
Don't waste your life on an old man.
I just wanna know why she started losing feelings all of a sudden like my age didn’t mater when I was for her in the hardest times i helped her basically with everything and the reward nothing a breakup possibly
What about her perspective is there to even understand? She never aired her grievances with me, she never tried to reconnect with me, she was just hunting the while 6 months right under my nose. And she never even left to find her own new place or her own bed or her own friend group – i was blindsided and lost it all. I trusted her and that was my only mistake.
He just put a fake gun to his head and fired some blanks. He says he's gonna kill himself today, and this was just to show me that he will do it. I'm scared. I live in pakistan, and there are literally maybe 2% of people who'd get the mentality of not wanting kids. Everyone else is like this is the way of living. This is what life means and all. And I get that, but I don't feel it is for me.
He got mad and upset due to your reaction??? Instead of comforting you?? That’s not good at all. Also, he ain’t even trying or is appreciative of your initiations towards sex. I’m sorry but either sex therapy or breaking up are the best options. You can’t make someone’s change drive change unless they’re on meds
She has lived in your head for 6 years dude
Please seek therapy to talk through your feelings
I think you should confront her and maybe even show screenshots of this- embarrassment will make her cower I’m sure
So she broke your heart, went to bang other people and after that wants you back and somehow you're the one who needs to earn her trust back?
Of course you're scared and worried she'll leave you again. I don't think that wound had healed when you got back together and I don't think it will be easy for you to heal while dating her. How can you trust her to commit to you? How can you be sure no other friend of her will “manipulate” her into breaking up with you (pretty convenient to have a friend to blame in this scenario, I'd say)? Or maybe she wants to dump you to go through another “party girl” phase but it's ok because you'll be there for her after that phase is over, right?
It's been 4 months? What reason do you have to stay? She's already lied to you, and now she's going out with the guy she lied about.
I hate people that say they're “no drama” – life is drama, get used to it. But you should absolutely be minimizing drama by not dating women who lie to you and then continue to disrespect you.
If there's a good diet involved, it might be worth it. Tell your mom you'll do it if she buys you a house and a business.
Yikes. Yeah I have to say I’d drop them without hesitation. Mad disrespectful on his part
Yeah OP the two of you would understand the situation better than any of us internet randos here and he seems very mature and you should listen to him.
Mine is a monthly 50$ payment, and then I pay 98$ a month after graduation
Don’t move to her. Y’all started this relationship at 17 & 18. She still cares for you and doesn’t want to hurt you. But she wants to move on. It’s time. You need to move on too. She’s being vague to avoid telling you she wants to end the relationship because again, she doesn’t want to hurt you.
Give her what she needs. Right now, she needs to be on her own. Be the guy that thinks of her first even at the expense of your own happiness. If you both circle back around to each other, she’ll remember that you were gracious in this situation and have positive thoughts about you.
You’re both too young to already be in a forever relationship.
Oh. Yeah – oops. You! Need to tell her that you need more time. She'll figure something out, but you're only setting yourself up for resentment if you decide to go now and end up hating it. So what if she has to break a lease if you decide to go? In that case it may be nice to help her pay for the fees.
Most importantly she needs to take care of her own needs (a small apartment for herself) and you need to take care of yours (time to figure it out).
If you're leaning towards going at a later date, then tell her to get the bigger apartment. But if you change your mind, you're morally obligated to help cover those cancellation fees.
i have told her exactly how i feel without holding back. she knows exactly how much i am going to hate them and how unattractive i will see her after she gets them. i am not going to end it i will try to come to terms with it because i love her very much
It's a 5 month relationship. You've discovered a HUGE disparity in your values. It's very simple. Stop wasting your time in this relationship and find someone who you're better aligned with. Then his partying won't be a problem.
Thats true. My question is now whether it ok for me to like other girls bikini pictures then? Its just a normal piece of clothing right.
You're crying every day about a man who isn't your boyfriend now and wasn't even a good boyfriend for the year you were together.
What to do: stop talking to him, block his number, take an edible and have a good meal and then get a good night of sleep. And when you wake up, start moving on. You'll look back on this and feel relieved you didn't get stuck with a loser.
While I asked why he was so upset, he couldn’t give me an answer
Either he thinks it reflects back on him as not as good-looking as he liked to consider himself, worried that you aren't as into his looks as he'd like a significant other, or he thinks it reflects badly back onto you and you're not as much of a “prize” as he wanted if you've “settled” in the past.
Either way, it's vanity and superficial insecurity on his part. Tell him to think it over and get to a place where he can articulate the issue. I think once he says it out loud, if he is a semi-decent guy, he'll realize how superficial he's being.
It was only a tiny sum, and the way it works here is the money just gets deposited directly into my account, which makes it even sadder because he had no way of knowing whether I'd even gotten the money and his shitty notes
But yeah, I took the money and I bought myself and a guy friend a nice bottle of wine.
Exactly this. What his behavior should tell you is that he does not enjoy or the value the time you two spend together. He only sees it as a means to an end.
for the wedding, talk with your parents. your concerns are genuine. you may be isolated from your family while livingwith an angry bird.
i suppose that if you were able to set your boundaries on his bulsshit, you would already do. so you need your family and friends to keep you up.
Your insecurities about yourself are just that and shouldn't dictate anything that he's doing… If you both agree that porn or OF is off limits then that's a relationship boundary. It's easy to get wrapped up in controlling your partner and that's how you get a toxic relationship so maybe you both should have a discussion about agreeable boundaries. If you can't be with somebody who watches porn or OF and he doesn't agree that that's a reasonable thing to give up, then You both just aren't the right match for each other and it doesn't need to affect yourself image. It just means that this person's not your future and that's okay
He should at least know what you want to do and also at least be interested in your goals and future plans. He messed up big time and inexcusable especially asking what is an accountant.
you can ask if you want but i would say probably not. its a public insta story
Is there any opportunity for you to spend some time with her at these shoots? It would make you uncomfortable I am sure but it will help set some boundaries for the photographers if you are there in the background.
How else would u refer to her?
Distance does not help, but here's my two pence. The way she behaves is clearly a way to keep you hanging on until a) she makes up her mind, whom she likes most when you return or b) until there is an ultimatum about what the relationship is and you either stick to it or just move on. Most likely, it is A. It is not fair to you as you clearly like her a lot, but you already know the game she is playing. You have to ask the naked questions and have the conversation. Being given bread crumbs is soul destroying and I have been there. Good luck.
The only person who is comparing you both is you. She is living in your head rent free…
You have something called retroactive jealousy. Your insecurities are endangering the relationship. As far as your information provides there are no red flags on his side. I advise you to seek help for your insecurities before they cause bigger harm.
If I understand rightly, your roommate is also your buddy's sibling, is that it?
And they're 21FtM?
In a sexless ace relationship receiving all those gifts within a week, including bed and bed frame? even though no sex is involved?
Friends should always be looking out for each other. People in a demographic that's particularly fragile (like trans people) especially need their friends to look out for each other. This guy is lucky to have you as a roommate.
You might want to send the links about love bombing to this youngster. Forewarned is forearmed. They might not want to know, they might well brush you off. Tell them that you'll be there for them and that you won't say “I told you so”. (And when things go tits up, don't say “I told you so” of course!)
You could peg him if you wanted
No point in telling her.
Yeah I literally forget someone’s name the second they tell me if it’s a casual acquaintance. However, I ALWAYS remember a face, and I’ll even remember odd detail like where they are from or what sports team they root for, just not the name. I use a lot of “friendly pronouns” to make up for this (Hey man! Hey Dude! Sup Buddy! Hi!) If it’s someone whose name I need to lock in I will eventually remember
Conclusion ✅ confirmed
You’re not insecure. And he is gas lighting you.
He’s either attempting to cheat, or he cannot control himself. Either way, he’s not a man worthy of any self respecting woman.
Fuck your vacation. Leave him. And don’t let him gas light you further.
Your feelings are valid. I do think it warrants a conversation where you tell him exactly what you wrote here. But I also think Sarah is stealing your BF, so start tagging along to these “group” outings to at least make it look like you’re gonna fight for him.
With friends. I do like the band.
Ru a Stockholm’d victim of a narcissistic husband? This is terrible advice. Terrible.
I’m really sorry. If I was aware this was only about health concerns from people seeking health professionals instead of relationship judges, I would have removed the italics.
You need therapy. If you reach out to this woman you’re gonna ruin your wife’s trust and she’s going to wonder why after all this time a teenage relationship is something you’re obsessing over.
I think the best thing you can do is get an editor and take another creative writing class. Your post history recycles this same story and you need to branch out and write new material.
Okay it’s weird he’s pushing a friendship with his coworker on you and to tell her how you feel. You’re in a relationship with him, not her.
I’m sorry, but he sounds like he’s stringing you along. He’s not being critical of you to help you, he’s trying to lower your self esteem so you don’t call him out on his bullshit.
Honestly, you should break up with him. He’s playing you and his coworker against one another, and it’s gross. You’re still figuring out who you are and shouldn’t waste anymore time on this guy. He’s a learning experience, not a potential life partner.
I could understand not wanting the gf to dress inappropriately or hang out with guys one on one or anything like that without him there. The rest of that is pretty crazy, sounds like a crazy person tbh. Sounds like you're younger so he thinks he can mold you into what he wants.
I can honestly say, you're a good dude.
Honestly, he needs to stop dating people a decade or more younger than him!
Honestly, he needs to stop dating people a decade or more younger than him!
Who cares tho?
is your account name your birthday
Nope.
Me or her. That's it.
She's not his friend. She's a skank insisting on her turns by influencing him to pick her. She does not care about him. She only cares about herself.
She's a wannabe homewrecker. And he's allowing it.
I tried to delete my eyes after reading that
That sounds frightening. I’d end this relationship so fast.
Because her birthday is on a weekday. She's celebrating with him at the weekend which is what most people do. It's her birthday, not his, she should prioritise herself. Last year I went away for my birthday with my sister and left my partner home with our daughter. He didn't care because my birthday is not about making him feel good. You can care about someone and also have your own life.
What??
“I appreciate your interest, however I’m not attracted to women so I don’t feel the same. I hope that this won’t damage our friendship.”
Put a msg in the phone saying “Hi gf, how’s the snooping goin!”
Adults who value special birthday plans need to get good at organizing that for themselves. You need to arr
This. Came here to say, but he did do bad with planning.
Oh so you are helping her from a place of love…. You care about her so much…
I dare you to show her this post. How do you think you saying these things about her and the other woman will make her feel?
Do you think she will see you as some great guy who cares about her?
he’s a closet pervert. please break up with this man. who sees a baby picture and immediately thinks about having sex with it or equating it that way?
You have to replace his testosterone with estrogen. Force feminize him.
“She's just reassured me that she's placed boundaries, and it's not her fault that he acts that way.”
Yes, it is HER fault. She is letting him cross boundaries and show open disrespect to her current relationship without consequence and continuing to treat him with a degree of closeness and that is encouraging him to continue on.
In your situation, I would make it clear that every time she shrugs off his disrespect for her supposed boundaries ( you know she didn't say a fucking thing to him ) or our relationship, that SHE is disrespecting our relationship. I would give her the option of hitting him with actual, very clearly defined boundaries that would include among them “no more pet names” and “no more messaging through snapchat or any other clandestined/sketchy apps… text messages, emails or phone calls only”, with these boundaries stated either over the phone or in messages, while I am present for the conversation, not some “I'll tell him later” shit… and that line-stepping over the boundaries would be met with no less than 2 days of no contact until such a time that crossing one in a minor “slip-up” degree would be uncommon enough to be genuinely seen as a true accident more than testing limits.
If she were to argue against the reasonable demand that she stop prioritizing her supposedly platonic relationship with an ex… that is still blatantly pining for her… over her supposedly serious, romantic relationship with me, I would just let her know that I am going to take the hint and remove myself from her list of options.
Sounds like you're getting the responsibility of what you “hounded” for.
You have morals and ethics that’s a good thing. But you may have to ditch her because of it.
The idea that you think anyone would stay with a person who treats their partner as you have treated your girlfriend is deeply disturbing. You are a controlling, manipulative stalker and at best you're heading for a restraining order, at worst you could get jail time. Leave this poor woman the fuck alone.
That he wants time to recharge and he is expressing that he wants sex/intimacy with her. They see each other only once a week. If they're platonic he is obviously looking for her to want the same amount of sex ONCE a Week. I have to capitalize that because a lot of people think sex is optional. If that's the box you check then you should be with someone who thinks sex is just as optional. I doubt this is the first time this topic has come up.
based of off your “snippet “ being both cheating and the normalisation of snooping through phones – i am more than confident in this assumption, thanks.
Ffs it doesn't automatically mean people will have sex because they go to someone's place. I'm going off what OP is literally writing and how that could easy have been the situation. Wonder why you seem determined into making OPs gf i to a bad person who obviously cheated.
LMAO when we play games that aren’t competitive like minecraft n things like that
Tell him very seriously he has to stop commenting on your body like that and if he continues than yes break up
This is so not an insecurity you need to work on! This is a boundary many many people have… just because some women enjoy strip clubs doesn’t mean that everyone needs to be open to that. some couples also choose to be polyamorous or have open relationships— does that make others “insecure” for wanting monogamy?
he’s being extremely insensitive to your childhood trauma and guilting you for your reactions to him doing something that crossed your boundaries and hurt you.
not to mention the whole thing reeks of racism / exotification.
Listen to your mom.
Where do you live!? If it’s in a place where reproductive health is under attack, you can end up in a really bad situation if he disagrees with you.
Arguments/discussions/disagreements are tough, and no one is perfect on this, at least all the time. The fact is, you have to online with and get along with this other human being, and you both have flaws, making things more difficult. It can take many years before most people become more seasoned in how they do discussions with their SO. Recognizing when to engage or disengage can be a skill, as well as how to communicate when emotions are high.
One consideration about the infidelity reference is that people who do commit infidelity will try to blame their partner – it is “their fault” – and this is called “blameshifting”. It is a dangerous mindset, and doesn't show emotional maturity, or healthy thinking. So if it were me I'd want to have a discussion about how she thinks, and if she has been tempted, etc. Then at some point discuss how hurtful those types of comments are, and that is not how we should be addressing the most important person in our lives…
But assuming this was just a random comment in an argument and didn't mean anything, it is still possible she is too confrontational. If that is the case, therapy can help. Or you may just need to affirm her more, and perhaps be more selective on when you are defensive. The goal is not to be argumentative – and if you or she is doing that, again, therapy can help.
It is perfectly fine to have a loving discussion with her, and discuss how you may have been hurt with her words, and address her feelings when she mentions how she felt as well. If it helps in the conversation, by all means, apologize. In fact, you can use apologizes as a “tool” to help open up the conversation. Don't ever let your pride come between you and your SO.
Don't feel like you have to resolve everything in one conversation either – you can always discuss again at other times as well – provided you aren't rehashing the same points over and over again.
Just my two cents.
I can't tell without knowing what cna be your limitation in arguments or emotional situations and such. It can be that he wants you to take more responsibilities in serious situations. More means give opinion, decision, talk through more. He is thinking that he's doing a lot than he should and needs your help. If you think that these are the cases, then directly confront and ask him firmly. Tell him either he has to talk or you both go talk to some other friends and vent together.
Thanks for the insight, and I agree… I was hoping my subconscious wasn’t wanting me to cheat but this seems to make more sense to me and resonate more… I have done a lot of mental work/therapy to process the times I was wronged in relationships, but I’ve never really talked about this one.. maybe I need to bring it up to someone other than my BF or this ex..
and just to clarify, I don’t know for sure that this ex ever cheated, he just said he lost feelings after getting a semi serious concussion and started dating my friend like 3 days later lmao… whole thing kinda gave me whiplash but I don’t really hold any resentment, therefore he has not been blocked lol but I also do not plan to reach out, and I don’t follow him back.
Excuse me? Who tf does this prick of a husband think he is?
You have a disability that you’re managing without meds so you can breastfeed.
Your baby is only 4 months old ….. and you’re already back at work!
And you had your baby in your arms when your husband removed him to do what? To do what you were already doing?
Then he has the nerve to run to mummy to have a whinge!
This is definitely concerning. I’m livid for you. Your meant to be team mates. Wtf is he doing? Swooping in like a “hero”? Calling you a radical feminist! OP please tell him to go fuck himself and continue to hold him accountable for being a shit husband. Go you super mama! You’re doing an awesome job!
It’s always a good idea to share an email or a social media account with your significant others! NOT!
You need to move out, buddy. I know you are saving up but your living situation is a real concern. Mostly I'm concerned what your parents have done to your social skills and ability to relate to people in real life. Try to find a real community to join. Church. Martial arts gym. Hiking groups. Somewhere you can practice your social skills. Life is not what we plan. It's how we react to what is actually happening.
Huh, your family dynamics are eerily similar to mine.
My mom also raised us basically on her own even though she and my dad were married our entire childhood. My brother and I both had super turbulent relationships with my father all our lives, but now for some reason he has decided everything we went through was our mom's fault and only speaks to our dad. It's very bizarre and confusing. He's always been troubled so I can't really discern what is going on inside his head to cause this.
As far as your graduation, I would tell them about the ticket so they don't just show up. Mention that you're giving the ticket to someone else who has been supportive of your educational journey. Be aware that they will definitely not take this well, but it seems like you're not particularly invested in salvaging a relationship with them, so minimizing drama should be the goal.