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Ella | twitter.com/ella_flar_, 19 y.o.
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Do you think that just because you are pregnant you can do no wrong? Lots of men partners leave their pregnant girlfriends/wife for a lot less. Why are you so insulted?
Ok; then he just wanted a free pass to cheat babe. Don’t get back together with him.
Yes, drop her. She's shown you who she is and how she will act in a relationship. She's shown you that she won't respect your feelings or boundaries. If I'm not mistaken, the previous post included that she cheated with her ex before. You don't deserve that, and you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.
I understand it's naked to leave a relationship where you really like/love someone, but if they're consistently disregarding your boundaries and feelings, they're neglecting you, and this won't change. It'll only make you feel worse.
You can find better, trust me. She's not worth it.
So there’s one of two possibilities:
She’s irrational and can’t make up her mind. Don’t let her get to you, she’s the confused one.
She thought you were trying to seduce her by being shirtless and was being sarcastic about it. Thought it was a douche bag move after she decided to go slow and decided to block you.
Not really sure which is it. I’m guessing its 1.
OP, I have a personal rule that I don’t tell people “I’m sorry” when they have an illness because I have an illness and I know how old that gets fast.
This SUCKS!
As this progresses, you will want someone steadfast by your side. She is showing symptoms of not being that person.
her refusal to tell her parents meant she knew this was how they would behave. She didn’t disclose that before you insisted she tell them.
she accepted distance from you during the decision month but didn’t insist on it from her parents.
she makes impulsive decisions and regrets them later.
Is is extremely vulnerable to manipulation.
Sadly, being with you is a hot road. Caregiving isn’t for the feint of heart.
Not to sound too transactional, but you may be wise in suggesting she take a few courses in caregiving. Being a CNA could help her later on when you need the care, but also would get her the experience to know what she is getting into.
Also, consider if children are an option. If you had kids today, they would be 10-15 when you decline your wife would go from caring for small children to caring for you with almost no time in between.
Add in that her parents are probably banking on her helping them as they decline (they seem like the type). And she is going to basically have 20-30 years of being a caregiver for 3-5 people.
She wont be able to online her life until she is 60+ and that is assuming the money hasn’t run out by that point because she likely will be taking care of so many people that she wont have time to work.
If you do have kids, they will be at a significant risk of parentification even if 100% healthy. That can really mess people up over the years.
Consider a long engagement at this point. I know you are excited to set a date, but her taking a few caregiving courses and maybe volunteering in a skilled nursing facility might help her understand the challenges.
A long engagement could also give her parents time to either calm down and stop being asses or to really show their true colors.
There are no good answers, only shades of bad.
My heart really goes out to you. This guy sounds awful and reading this gave me a sick feeling. He treats you horribly. He is an insecure jerk who has lied and cheated and now you have children involved.
Please talk to a lawyer even if you are not married. Find out what your rights are and how to get child support.
Don't let your children grow up thinking that the way he treats you is ok. It isn't.
Would you want them to feel like you do right now? Would you want them to stay in an unhealthy relationship? Teach them what a strong woman does and stand up for yourself and leave him. On your way out get as much child support as you can.
It’s not her house 🙂 She moved in after the fact
You stop putting other people above yourself. No one is going to give you a medal for self sacrifice, all you will lose is your peace and happiness. Learn what a good relationship looks like, learn what red flags and toxic behaviour look like, and don’t allow them in your circle. You should have split up ages ago. We all get our hearts broken. We all survive. We heal, we move on, we learn. Get your own place and spend time on you. Do things gat make you happy. Spend time with your friends. You aren’t suited, he’ll meet loads of other women, it’s life, not a movie.