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She struggles with anxiety and didn’t feel welcome coming to my house with my mum and step dad as they started picking up on little things she did, such as one day when no one was in sight when she came in the door, not saying hello. This led to her becoming very anxious about coming to my house and preferring we spent time at her house.
Sorry, this is a bit confusing to me. What was the GF anxious about?
DO NOT GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE YOU HAVEN'T HAD SEX WITH.
You are not ready to be engaged. At all. Why do I say this? Not just because you're 23, although that is very young. Not just because you haven't had sex, which is a terrible mistake if you're planning on a monogamous sexual relationship and frown on divorce.
No; you're also not ready to be married because you don't know what your shared values and agreements are as a couple, you don't know how to communicate those with each other, and you have ridiculous and unrealistic ideas that you then fail to live up to. The two of you need to talk to each other about whether you consider porn to be cheating. (Good luck with that: most men use porn.) You need to address the fact that your religion tells you it's bad to have sex and bad to divorce, so your religion is basically telling you to play Russian Roulette with your own sexual happiness. Nice religion there. And you need to address the ridiculous expectation that you're not even supposed to send sexy text messages to each other.
Don't get married yet, please.
That’s a HUGE damaging claim to make. It’s totally fine for people to need to walk away to cool their head. But I’m imagining a heated argument and he just leaves. There’s no effective communication in this relationship. No “I need time to myself to cool down”, it’s “leave me alone” after he yelled at her about the bill? Her follow up was to ask if he was coming to Christmas dinner. I don’t see that as her escalating the argument. It’s different if you’re following someone around only to yell at them some more.
Personally I’d be really hurt if I was having an argument just told me to leave them alone. It’s effective for THEM to leave, but there’s no regard for my emotions when there’s no clear communication about how they want to resolve an issue. If I want to talk through an issue and the other person doesn’t, we have to consider each other. Why is it that they can say “fuck you I can walk away from any argument any time I want and we will resolve this on MY terms only”
She meant it, make no mistake about that. No matter what she tells you now, the fact that the thought of suggesting an open relationship even entered her mind tells you everything you need to know.
If you take her back, the thought will still be there in her head, but she will just keep it to herself and probably do things behind your back.
Tell her it’s time for some marriage counseling to get to the root of this issue. If she cannot have an adult conversation to air out her grievances and instead thinks it’s ok to quit speaking to you and tell you to leave, you have some hot decisions to make. Because this isn’t the sign of a healthy marriage.
… or not on enough.
How long have you been together?
Kick him out Add post to chat saying it wasn't true, even if they don't believe and offer to chat to them 1-1 if they don't believe you or want to ask questions. Contact your college in case he tries anything sketchy
As a 21 year old woman myself,
she screwed someone else, is currently is screwing someone else, or is trying to screw someone else.
Go ahead and drop this piece of shit.
Were the photos the type of photo that she could have taken herself, or would she have needed someone else to take them?
Why did you ask her opinion if you’re not strong enough to handle opinions?
According to you post, the reasons she has for doubting your relationship are the same issues that cause your relationship to struggle. Sounds like your friend is very observant!
If you don’t want to hear what people think about your bf’s family controlling his life, don’t directly ask for opinions about him. My advice is to stop judging your friend, she was just being honest.