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Seems like a fine first date. The thing is, sometimes someone just isn't feeling it. You can't always predict that.
You both need to work on yourselves before either of you consider getting married. Instead of cheating, call off this toxic relationship and go out and do what other young people your age do: date, hang out with friends, and develop your own sense of self and identity instead of trying to get a sense of fulfillment out of a bad relationship / marriage.
The point of a relationship is what you put into it, not what you get out of it, but you haven’t even listed a single good thing that you get out of it.
Bidet
Leave, but please don’t be a complete douche and dump him via a letter. This is the end of a 5 year relationship, he deserves more respect than that. And you really don’t want to carry that rep with you.
I'm not saying it'll happen, but if you sit her down and have another talk with her and you're firm in your stance, will you be okay with her walking away if she can't accept it?
Right now, you're both incompatible in this area. If you don't get on the same page, resentment will build.
She needs to listen to your reasons, which so far I've only seen are statics and finances, and you need to listen to hers. Now, I could be wrong, but from a woman's perspective, it's possible it's not even about a wedding. Maybe to her, knowing she has that tie to you, that bond, could be the only importance. To some women and some men, marriage symbolizes more than statistics, money, or some extravagant event.
Neither of you should have to give up your beliefs or wants. You two want different things regarding marriage.
Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to consider walking away from each other. You'll keep your unmarried status and she can eventually fall in love again and get married.
I think you should follow your gut instinct. I use to realize the same thing about guys I dated in my 20s. It was always something off that made my skin crawl. I eventually found a guy that gives me zero ick. honestly kinda think that’s what love is haha. Ick is the opposite of unconditional love.
Thank you, I’ll do this 🙂
A huge thing I’ve learned is don’t compare relationships! Seriously, your ex and your girlfriend are two completely different humans, so you’ll have two completely different relationships with them. Especially if the former relationship was abusive, they usually cause high adrenaline, anxiety, and extreme feelings and emotions because of the abusive situation. They also often love bomb, or blow things out of proportion so it’s not surprising that you don’t have the same feels as you did. One is a healthy relationship, and one isn’t.
Just see how it goes, don’t compare them though.
Lol only because of the waiting three years to say it makes me feel like throwing a few small items is okay
Sounds like you should stay broken up. She's clearly not over her ex, and is not ready to be in a committed relationship.
I would casually bring up the heritage test to your whole family as an idea together and see reactions. Or maybe get them for your parents as a gift. I think the reactions will be very telling.
But hey. There might be an alt explanation that your mom having an affair.