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Hmmmmm… I guess I haven't dated a woman yet (I'm bi) so I can only speak from my own personal experience as a woman and I'm not what you described at all lol I'd much rather have conversations in person than in text, and I actually can't focus on multiple things at once which is why I often take hours to reply because I want that person to have my full attention and I can't give that to them if I'm doing something else yknow. I hate the whole “I'm not like other women” thing lol but I guess I'm realizing I genuinely don't understand how “most women” are in regards to texting. It's a shame that “most women” want all-day texting/conversations or avoid phone calls, and thus that stops a lot of men from texting first. Honestly, if any time I texted first and I got met with a wholeass solid conversation and the expectations of all-day texting, I'd probably avoid it too…
Why are you with this abusive man?
Thank you so much for your reply. After writing about this, it made me realize that I think something about the cart situation frightened and triggered my boyfriend, because his mother has a record of weaponizing incompetence when she’s put him in compromising or straight up neglectful situations in his childhood. It was obvious that he was trying to keep his cool with me but that he was shook up. My own relationship with my mom has made it hot for me to speak up for myself in the moment, because she was severe and punishing if I say something she didn’t like. I think mentioning this to him will help me feel better, but also allow us both to re-assess and heal from our mothers and how their behaviors trigger and affect us still.
You said that it's either cats on the bed or you break up so clearly this is a deal breaker for you.
It’s going to end badly that way. I’ve gently brought up the moldy dishes in the past and it just ended the night together very badly.
lol nearly all of these poly ftm stuff ends in disaster
We are not here to give you the advice you want – some people may be kind enough to offer the advice you need, however. Remember they are taking time to try to help.
If you cannot hear it, expect low engagement.
For her I need to say, We cant meet today sorry, because I have an exam comming up and need to study. She simply doesnt understand when I say that I want to study.
Then say “we can't meet today sorry, because I have an exam coming up and need to study”. Answer the question, give an explanation. Why is communicating clearly and directly an issue? Don't speak in vague implications and get frustrated when people don't understand you.
OP, this situation is deeply toxic. I have been in a similar relationship, and without him working on himself it will not get better. It’s not healthy for you, and his violent reactions will only escalate. Please consider choosing your own wellbeing over these unhealthy repeating patterns.
I see nothing here that would be his fault, you sound like you abused him until he worked up the courage to leave.