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Exactly, this is not to say there not many marriages that are “just fine” even wth opposite sex friendships in the mix, but in my opinion, I just don't think the risk is worth it.
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I realize when you are in it things are different but, man, that’s brutal. Stay if that’s what you want, but don’t stay just because it’s easier than leaving. You will be miserable for the rest of your life if you do that.
Good luck, sir.
Okay, I get that. But what if her fear and crying is related to the sudden realization that she is not omnipotent. She was proud of being strong and took the identify of being the strong one on the relationship. She put OP down for not being as strong. Our “worldviews” keep us feeling safe and are basically our ego defense mechanisms. When they are challenged we'll do everything to hold on to them. That's what cognitive dissonance does, it's evolutionary and it protects us. Here she was forced to face reality, her mind couldn't deny that this wasn't happening. And her reaction could very much be due to the psychological loss of her defense mechanism which can be terrifying.
After this happened, the gf wasn't mad at OP, but she was upset. All the psychological stuff happens subconsciously. So it's hard to explain or understand what's wrong.
I'm just saying this is also very much a possibility for her reaction. It's more nuanced but it's just as real.