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We agreed not sleep with anyone until we got a divorce just in case we worked it out.
She claims it’s not cheating since we were separated.
If you made an agreement and she broke it, that's cheating.
If the baby is yours this will be a lifelong connection you both have. I say this as someone that had a similar experience.
Relationships are work and if you want to be in your child’s life then there’s a few things you need to consider.
First, at least in my state, she would have sole custody of the child. You would be required to pay support for the child. In my state it is 20% of your net income.
For me it has been very rewarding to have my son. We ultimately married, and while we are having issues right now I hope to resolve them and keep my family together.
So advice from someone that made a lot of mistakes:
1) Learn to communicate. Talk about the things that bother you. Not about how your partner is doing things that bother you. Separate the act from the person. You like the person. You dislike the act.
2) Consider relationship classes together. Classes focus on enriching and building your relationship. Counseling focuses on addressing problems in your relationship. At least in my experience. Address problems but don’t dwell. Learn to build your relationship into something strong and you will weather a lot of problems.
3) Do not at any point for any reason no matter how upset you are ever ever ever threaten to end the relationship. Threatening breakups or divorce undermine the foundation of your family. I learned this the hardest way when I would do it to signal to my partner that I had been pushed too far and needed help. Threatening breakup or divorce is a purely destructive action that only damages trust, safety and security. These are all things that someone who is pregnant will need in abundance. They are moving into a very vulnerable time if their life.
5) Be patient. Take one day at a time. There will be a lot of tough days. It will seem aggravating and illogical and senseless and crazy sometimes. But the best time of my life started when my now-wife was pregnant. It was a great experience. It was scary. It was frustrating. It was wonderful. When you are upset, write it down. Get it out of your system. And then delete it. If you are still mad, sleep on it. If you are still mad, talk to someone else. When you are calmed down, talk your issues through then. Talk about the issue and not the problem. However many days it takes to calm down, take those days one at a time. Anger is a secondary emotion. It comes from something else. Fear or hurt or something else. Understand the real reason you are angry and talk about that. People respond way better to “I’m scared” or “I’m hurt” instead of “I’m angry”.
There are so many more pieces of advice I could give. None of them I followed and I am in a bad place as a result. My wife filed for divorce. I wish I could be back at the point you are at and do differently.
This can be a life long path you go down. An incredible path. But you have to learn that you are part of a bigger whole and that’s it’s not just how you feel about things.
If she isn’t ready, that’s fine. Don’t do anything that pushes her away. As nude as it might be, talk about other things. Ask about her experience. Be a safe place, someone she talks to. She will gravitate towards you if you are not a source of stress, chaos or conflict. And after time, you will figure the rest out.
Good luck
She's being verbally abusive to him, and your response is that she gets a trip to Paris?
Delay marriage at the least, but I'm not sure why she's embarrassed that the ex turned him down? Seems like she did the decent thing, at least?
^
A lot do friendships are dependant on circumstances. You were her military friend – she isn’t in the military anymore, so other people have taken your place. It was a similar story with my university friends. We were really close while at university and figuring out our first professional steps into the field, but then our lives just looked too different to really stay in contact and slowly things slowed down until there was no friendship anymore. It’s what honestly happens with most friendships in life.
Break up so your boyfriend can go find him a real woman. Lol you just being selfish”oh I don’t want to lose him” yea but you don’t mind breaking him emotionally and mentally. I really hope your boyfriend finds out so he can leave you
But what should she have done? seriously everyone here saying stuff like this but … the courts decided he is fit to be father because he didn't abuse the child. so should she get traumatised again and harassed by a lot of people … what is your solution?
When people say they need space it’s normally because that person did something wrong.
This is what I want to highlight as psychotic. When people say they need space, you respect their space.
OP and his gf are extremely early on in their relationship. It takes time to develop a full bond of trust when you first start dating someone. This is what happens in normal, healthy relationships. It is not “cruel” for OP to have complicated feelings about his dad's DEATH and not know how to articulate them to his extremely new girlfriend. Trust takes time to develop in the context of relationships.
I don't know if you're aware or not, but OP did not plan his dad's death. He had no way of knowing it would happen.
To do that is almost cruel. She probably should’ve never committed to this person, at least not yet.
The fact that you are now talking about OP's gf as if she did nothing wrong and is actually the victim for what she did is actually problematic. I genuinely think you need some counseling if you don't think what the gf did is horrifically wrong.
You're in your thirties and don't know this? Might explain why you're dating an 18 year old…
Right, but this logic could be applied to all forms of voyeurism. “does it matter that I watch them have sex if they don't know?”
Yes. With sex in particular, consent is always key
When he calls you a snowflake, call him a sick fuck who enjoys beastiality porn. That'll shut him up real quick.
Absolutely, I find it unbelievable that five women are out for drinks without any money or phone. It's basic safety to always have money for cab back home or way to contact someone.
But I can see someone offering to pay when inviting people out and then panicking and thinking it would be less embarrassing to explain stealing to her boyfriend than lose face in front of her friends. Not feeling ashamed about it is sign of bad character if any more was needed
We’ve had many talks and they sometimes swell into either of us having some kind of mental breakdown about it. I know 100% we both need therapy as individuals and maybe as a couple , but I don’t even like being in the same room as him when he’s on his phone now which is sad to me! We should be able to just be on our phones but literally all day everyday is an issue and I’m not for it. Idk what to do I always end up feeling like the bad guy because I have the issue