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  1. This is a learned behavior he needs to break. I used to have a lot of issues with this, I’d punish myself excessively for doing something wrong, and I realized it came from my parents. It was also a way for me to avoid consequences by beating myself up, because if I do it first then other people won’t.

    He definitely needs to see a therapist about this because you won’t be able to keep a healthy relationship with that kind of behavior. I would also call him out on it in the meantime, tell him you don’t want him making your feelings of hurt about him. Ask him for room to express your feelings without his input and see if he can do it.

  2. Yeah I think the biggest mistake between us as parents were the assumptions made that were not communicated between us. It’s one of things that’s hard because coming from different backgrounds anyone will have their own standard because that’s what they saw your whole life. Can’t plan for something that you’ve never experienced and didn’t know could happen. Hopefully any other couples with kids or future kids can see this post and have a discussion before they have a problem come up.

  3. Okay, I’m sorry that it took me so long to get back to you, it was a very busy day!

    I read the rest (I actually read most of it yesterday) and I have to ask you a question or two before I get to some answers.

    What were your parents like when you were growing up? Healthy relationship, lots of faith in each other, lots of faith in you? Were they truly in love with each other, or just going through the motions, and they got divorced as soon as you/your siblings left home and they were able to?

    Or were they neglectful, absent, aloof?

    I’m trying to get you to connect your feelings and realize that we choose relationships that are familiar, even when they’re not good or healthy. That we settle for the Devil we know because at least we know what to expect. It’s not a conscious decision, so sometimes you really have to twist yourself in a knot to see it objectively.

    If you’re settling for “a hundred good things but only two bad” and the bad is that bad…you might not have super healthy romantic love role models.

    And about those “two bad.”

    If you wanted to settle for “only two bad things and a hundred good things,” and the bad things were, like, “he yells too loudly at the tv during baseball games” or even “he struggles with saying no to friends when they ask for help,” or “he’s terrible with time management,” I’d be understanding.

    But your two “bads” are…really bad. He lacks empathy? He’s entertained by hateful jokes and shit talking?

    I’m not sure if you’re familiar with some of the things that happen as time passes, but it’s not just our tits that sag, or their balls that drop. One of the wonderful things about aging is that you lose interest in the approval of those around you, and you have fewer fucks to give. By the time you’re fifty, you’re likely to feel very free to be who you’ve always wanted to be; free of needing anyones approval, you’ll try less to impress people, and you’ll be comfortable with the way you look, the way you think, and everything just gets…clear.

    Well, so will he. Hateful jokes when you’re young evolve into “you’re just sensitive” when he’s in his thirties, and by the time he’s fifty, he’ll feel comfortable being that “I’m not racist, I have black friends” guy who feels comfortable saying terrible things because no one’s ever called him out for it but you, and you stopped doing it twenty years ago because you didn’t want to be alone.

    Lacking empathy is a huge one. That 100% always gets worse unless he recognizes it as a problem.

    Politics. Everyone’s politics get more pronounced as they get older.

    So your “only two bad things” are bad. Not workable bad. You might as well have said “the entire scubas suit works, it’s only the respirator that’s broken.” You need empathy and love to make a healthy relationship. You need love and empathy to have happy children.

    And the last part, although to me, the most important one:

    When I talk about my SO, I brag about how smart he is, his voice, they way we met, the way he loves me, they way he pursued me at the beginning, the way he treats me. I talk about how his friends all call him for advice, I laugh at how he’s such a cranky old man, but he’s my goofy teddy bear at home.

    Most of the reasons you gave for thinking that your relationship was worth holding on to, they were things you’d put on a resume. Or things that you’d like about a friend, a teacher, a colleague. There wasn’t anything glowing or gripping about it. Sounds like a decent guy.

    But that’s it. If you’re in love with him, it’s only because he’s there, not because you chose the best possible partner for you. You got someone good on paper.

    Love, let me tell you, there are always more men. Always.

    When we’re young, we ALL think, at one point, that we’re just never going to meet another guy that I love who also loves me. We all think it. And we were all wrong, every time.

    And I’ve met a lot of women, myself included, who regretted leaving so long after we realized that this just wasn’t working.

    I have yet to meet a woman who left him “just a little too soon.”

  4. Yeah, parenting is very hot. Your girlfriend probably feels the same way. You had a kid at a young age and now you can't party.

  5. Thank you for getting back.

    I think I am pushing myself, truly. Have a full social life, good job. I’m brave in mostly every other circumstance (outside of relationships), feeling fear and doing it anyway. Still can’t shake the anxiety and stuff tho. He’s doing well in his own right in his field to be fair too. And getting better socially.

    The thought of leaving him makes me feel sick. Maybe that’s because I’m a wet blanket or maybe it’s because I’m really not ready to and think we can work things through.

    We do have exactly the same values though and align completely with our opinions on things, so we have that connection too, which I should have pointed out. Which I never found with anyone else, ever. It wasn’t merely cos I was insecure and he was easy. Just like best friends really.

    Maybe I need to go speak to someone professionally. Thank you for your input, it’s valued 🙂

  6. What would you do?

    I wouldn’t be that mad honestly, it’s just a gross thing. Like not brushing his teeth, eating his boogers or scratch his ass crack in public. Just ick ya know… I don’t know whether it’s break-up worthy but I would probably need some space to get that gross feeling out of my system. And then I would take one step at a time. I would convey all of this to bf of course.


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