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I'm just gonna assume you are the problem with that mess of a post
No in my opinion it’s not normal but people think that it’s a normal thing.
Asking a partner about things in regards to their previous sexual history offers nothing positive in a relationship and the only thing that comes from it is negativity and it opens up insecurities in that person, even if that person doesn’t ever or hasn’t ever been or had any insecurities.
Answer me the question, what value, or what positive affect does knowing something sexually that your partner has previously done? Or how would that improve or benefit your relationship with that person? There isn’t anything and I remain to be given a valid reason for knowing such information.
When you get with a new partner and you don’t know anything about their previous sexual history or sexual experiences the same thing with not knowing their relationship history then you have a totally blank canvas to learn about they person, what they like or don’t like sexually, what is okay and what isn’t and you go through it together.
However knowing a partner’s previous sexual history or experiences and with who and what they have done with others only ever leads to that partner becoming self conscious, losing their self esteem and confidence etc because they start saying to themselves “well my girlfriend said she always climaxed with her previous partners but she doesn’t with me, what am I doing wrong? Don’t I do it right? Doesn’t she find me attractive? Don’t I turn her on?’ It always leads to those types of scenarios where the new partner ends up comparing themselves to their partners previous sexual experiences that they have been told about and they end up destroying themselves.
Just look at the OPs post for proof of what I am saying the OP is comparing the fact that he had been in a relationship with his girlfriend for a significant amount of time and he is saying that she hardly has anal with him and he is comparing it to the amount of times that his girlfriend has had anal with a guy she met on Tinder! He has mentioned Tinder specifically because he obviously feels that is hookup scenario and he is a long term boyfriend and he is thinking how come she did all that anal with him and more and she doesn’t want to with me? He also went detailed and said that he and his girlfriend always use poppers (amyl nitrite) with each other but now he has found out that she has used them with this same Tinder hookup and his own words are that he thought that was one of their firsts together that he thought was personal to them and now he is destroyed that it isn’t- another thing that he is comparing.
Whereas if he didn’t know at all about his girlfriends previous sexual history or experiences then he wouldn’t be in this situation with his mind and brain going a hundred miles an hour and he would actually be happy with how things are, so much so he wouldn’t even be thinking that he isn’t getting enough anal with her and he would be totally happy with the anal experiences he has shared with her.
The ONLY caveat to this in my opinion where it is positive to disclose your previous sexual history with a partner is if you have been subjected to sexual abuse or assault of any kind previously and as a result of the trauma you unfortunately have situations where you are triggered in certain sexual circumstances as a result of your previous assault, it’s important to let your partner know in these circumstances so you don’t harm yourself by being unnecessarily triggered and re-traumatised by something that your partner may do, even then I believe you should limit what you say to those particular triggers
Him saving for a business is his choice, that he made independently of you.
There should be no reason you step up up to support him, financially. Not yet anyways. You’re not his business partner and you’re not his wife. This is a great place to put a boundary.
That said, if it’s going to affect your lifestyle (like – how often you go out), you may need to make a little compromise.
You need to establish what you’ll do in an emergency. Make a pact to help each other out whilst you’re a couple, if one of you is ever laid off. I’m sure he’ll appreciate you just as you’d appreciate him.
Since you both online separately with roommates, and have been dating over a year, now might be a good time to consider living together in a 1BR apartment. Pool your resources for things like… groceries, cleaning supplies, utilities.
Depends if it’s true. Does she work? If yes how many hours? What is your contribution?
Of course he's going to deny it. He's not going to admit that he's controlling you.
K ignoring all the bad stuff surrounding the situation, the advice I would give to a couple of any age where one had a kid and the other didn’t want kids…….if you don’t want kids, don’t date a guy with kids. Sorry – this is the end of the line for you guys.
Have you ever spent much time caring for babies? That will unromanticize you quick.
GF-you we’re likely abused as a child based on your overwhelming need to make your BF accept abuse from your parents. I’d seriously consider therapy so you can unpack exactly why your parents are not good people, parents, or potential in-laws. I was abused and neglected as a child but since I was raised by the abusive neglecters, I thought it was normal behavior. It took lots of therapy for me to understand the reality of my childhood and relationship with my parents. I didn’t even realize the scope of it until my late 30s.
BF-you’re very sweet for offering to try again if you get an apology. I’m guessing you love your gf very much and that’s really wonderful. Just know you don’t deserve that trespassing , and on top of it you deserve a partner who will stick up for you when others try to bring you down. Again, because she was likely abused (emotionally is pretty apparent at the least when we see how delusional she is about what sort of behavior is acceptable from them), she may have more difficulty understanding what is healthy behavior in a marriage, and then further down the road, between a parent and child. And for that I’d suggest, no surprise, more therapy haha.
'Cancel' your wedding but really delay it until you are financially secure. Then get married.
Unfortunately I am starting to suspect that… one of my exes threatened to delete his instagram too after I caught him lying to me about messaging one of his ex girlfriends
Yes, Xanax can make you black out, but the memory loss during the period of consciousness is very short.
Regardless, why haven’t you reported it to the police yet? There will be camera surveillance evidence – very quick and almost certain prosecution.