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Hello /u/Ugly-ukranian-boy,
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dating you when you were just old enough for him to legally fuck and he was over 40 is bad. That's called being a predator. Well adjusted 40 year olds don't date people half their age.
That adds some context. It seems likely that she experiences some anxiety and stress, some overwhelming feels she has difficulty expressing, and she might have some fears or lack of experience standing up for herself. One thing you may have to work on is managing your own stress around these situations. You can remain caring, open, and sensitive to her feelings, but let go of the feeling that you are responsible or need to manage her feelings. This is also a chance to work on how you respond when she does share. Practice just listening and communicating understanding first, don’t jump in with explanations or your side at least until you are sure she feels heard.
You can also have conversations about communication and how to handle it better at “off” times, not prompted by an incident, and strategize around how to work through situations. Share your coping strategies and give her a heads up the reasons you have reacted the way you did.
Again, I've been feeling like shit for the past 2 years in this relationship and I tried as best as I could to fix it and fix myself. Maybe I'm the problem. But at this point it would be a dream to be in a relationship with this friend than be with my girlfriend. I admit that. But maybe we are falling for each other because we are BOTH in relationships that are not healthy… is there anything wrong with that? Can't people have friends of opposite sex when they're in a relationship? Ffs. Maybe I'm confused and maybe I'm just at my wit's end and so I can't see clearly. But this girl has let me see and actually verbalize what's wrong with my life and relationship. My suicidal thoughts and depression takes a back seat when I'm alone and they are fulllllly gone when I'm with this friend. Maybe it's an emotional affair. I don't know at this point. I'm just feeling desperate because I've felt stuck like a prisoner for the past 2-4 years.
Uhh I think it might be helpful to reframe your feelings and explain that you yourself found a particular thing they said offensive and then explain why. I disagree that the example you gave is generally offensive but if you feel like your partner is frequently upsetting your feelings you need to work on communicating to them in a bit more details to help their understanding.
In my mind if my partner was talking about the zodiac signs, I would go into the conversation knowing they're being silly/not serious and maybe play along with it. I know we're compatible in real life so the saying we're not based on zodiacs would personally not upset me as I know it's not true. I disagree that it's comparable to calling someone ugly…
It would be better if you speak about your own feelings and why something triggers a negative reaction in you so your partner can avoid making these comments on topics you're known to be sensitive to
if he did not have a history of making decisions that are just like this one, he would not even be in this situation
You're not married to this man; you've been dating him for 2 years. The purpose of dating is to figure out whether someone is a good long-term partner for you. This man is not a good partner for you for the reason stated in your quote above: He has a history of making major decisions with which you disagree and seems unwilling to compromise.
Lmao.
Experience actually shows you what necessary in order for a relationship to work.
100% of the time that I have ever caught or seen a guy snoop through my phone it was bc he was the one stepping out and was paranoid I was doing the same.
Why can't she just find her attractive and move on. Why entertain all this and get deep with it. It's gross and bizarre behavior. Wow what a pretty 17 year old. That's fine. But all of this? Your wife needs therapy.