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Then, I'm right, it was meant as a joke. He doesn't actually mean you're a cow and just ruffling your feathers ?. Call him a prick in good fun and go on about y'all's days.
Np. Here’s an afterthought:
If he went from “should have stood up for yourself” to “shouldn’t have bought the stereotypical items,” those two responses have something in common. They’re both ways of saying you had some control in this situation. That there’s an easy solution.
That’s not true. Standing up for yourself has its own cost and risks. Skipping items you want to buy would suck, so there’s a cost there too. And staying quiet sucks in a different way. There’s no easy solution where you can control the racism you experience without paying some price.
He may not get that. He may want this to be simpler and easier than it is. I don’t mean on a conscious level that he’s necessarily aware of. But there may be a part of him that resists the randomness of racism, the constant threat of it, and the energy that goes into dealing with it.