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She needs to understand that this situation is not working for you, and if she cares about being married to you then she needs to put you first. I wouldn’t focus on whether this is cheating — I mean, it IS cheating, but I don’t think that’s productive because it just seems to make her defensive.
I would focus on the fact that you don’t like where your relationship is right now, that she’s putting more energy into her friendship than your marriage, and if she doesn’t take steps to fix this right away then you’re going to take that as a statement from her that the marriage is over.
Couples counseling would be helpful to navigate what it will take to fix your marriage.
If she pushes back, tell her that her actions are hurting you. They are causing you pain. Whether she thinks it’s justified or not, it’s the truth. And if she keeps on doing that and not caring, when you’ve put it so plainly, then she is giving up on your marriage and you don’t need to stick around anymore for that.
She wasn’t a nice person, I think I just miss the time and the person who I thought she was. Realistically the person who I loved so much never really existed, I made her up in my head. The fact she got with me soon after her divorce then remarried soon after breaking up with me has never sat right with me. She was said the nicest things to me at times saying I was the best thing that’s ever happened to her or that I’m too good to her and she doesn’t deserve me and I actually fell for it and believed that this girl really loved me back
I have two kids. I know what it's like. I stepped up and my wife learnt to communicate better. This isn't her first pregnancy. Refusing to communicate isn't acceptable
And wife does most of the childcare and housework, while being the breadwinner too!!
So what do you think I should do?
No, we married within a month of dating. That’s bad, I know. But besides the recurring issues, it’s been good
Thanks for the great idea! Don't stop for anyone. This is you. If someone can't love you as you are, they aren't worth your time.
nope, just no. She wants you as a side-guy until he finds someone “better”.
Don't be that guy that runs after a lost cause.
You need to both communicate feelings. Sit down and be open and honest. It helps to establish ground rules about these conversations, ie no name calling, no swearing at each other, no raised voices, no bailing because it gets tough but you are allowed a cooling down period, etc.
Healthy communication is the key to a successful marriage, don’t get hitched until this is figured out.
Also there no shame in calling it off now, divorce is so much worse.
I agree. I felt this way when i talked about my wedding with my ex. I am still gratefull i didnt marry him in the end. With my husband i had zero doubts. I was just so happy to finally tie the knot and be together forever. So yeah if op feels this about her upcoming marriage, its not good at all. And i agree her fiancee sounds like a red flag made from smaller red flags