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I feel like you're the kind of person that equates consequences to negative actions as “negative reinforcement.” That's not how training works. Tell your stepdad to please not bop your dog in the nose anymore, and train your dog better so he's not put in a position to be bopped. This isn't “goofy” behavior. This is annoying, untrained animal behavior.
So his friends of all those years vs a girl he’s only been dating for a few months.
Yes, can that never happen? Or is it possible?
OP, was there ever any discussion of the terms regarding the tuition? As in, did you ever make it known to him that this was not a gift, and he was to pay you back? Sadly, it sounds like he used you for as long as it took him to get what he wanted until he found an exit and no longer had use for you. If you did tell him it was not a gift and he was to pay you back, you can take him to small claims court. Anyone willing to take a large sum of money, like your ex did, and never think about some kind of reciprocity uses people like he did to you. You may want to get things in writing, not be so open with your kindness and protect yourself a little better. Tuition is expensive AF in many cases, so I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
Masturbating wasn't involuntary
I don't think it was rude, a little short maybe but it's understandable. Seems like an overreaction on her part, I mean you weren't even in the door all the way so what was she expecting.
You spoke and the friend responded, just because you weren't looking at the friend when you spoke doesn't mean you were rude. I suffer from severe migraines so if I come home from work with one the only thing you'll get out of me is “I'm going to lay down before I vomit” I won't be looking at you. I couldn't care less who's in my house at the time so long as they're quiet. I'm also not going to wait around for anyone to respond, I'm dropping my crap while walking to my room getting in my bed and putting a pillow over my head and passing out.
I can't tell you what to say to make her get over it because there's not a magic phrase that works on all women but she'll get over it. It shouldn't take long but I don't know her, you could try showing her the comments saying she overreacted (because she did) if you think that would help. Good luck OP.